


Pressed Flowers

by manjugirl



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, More on angst side, Physical Abuse, Physical Disability, Psychological Trauma, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2019-07-17 07:18:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 48,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16090736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manjugirl/pseuds/manjugirl
Summary: If V's photographs represent hope and happiness, her paintings depict sadness and despair.





	1. Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first time writing a V x MC x Saeran Fic. So I have a few pointers/warnings before proceeding to this story so um.
> 
> • I'll be referring to MC here as 'She/Her' I am having a hard time using second person perspective so I decided to use third perspective. 
> 
> • This story is set after Seven's good ending and secret ending. So... it has spoilers, read at your own risk!
> 
> • MC has a pseudonym as a painter, 'Lilley' (Short for Lily of the Valley) and 'Daffodil' as an author.
> 
> That's all! Hope you have fun reading this and um... feedbacks are greatly appreciated!

One.

"One cannot coexist without the other."

Sadness. Void. Eyes. Person.

 

These were always the theme of her works. As if crying out the repressed memories from her unconscious.

She always finds herself and her exhibited works along with a collection of hopeful, bright and beautiful photographs of a man with a pseudonym of V. Not that she hated it, but when she asked the museum coordinator on as to why she could not hold her own exhibit, their answer would always be the same.

"Balance."

Again, not that she hated it.

As time passed by she found herself getting used to it, and understanding why the coordinators always put them together, like yin and yang. People would see her watercolor artworks first, complimenting the emotions they convey. Some would even shed a tear or two, and in some occassions, even cry at the sight of them. It hurts her too, yet she felt pride in her works. After all, she sees them move on from the depressing artworks unto the happiness and hope brought by his photos.

She thought, it was like a process in life; people go through something bad, sad, and challenges they have to face, but at the end of the day something that brings joy and hope to them will always brighten up their day.

However, despite being the shadow to this light, she never met the man behind those photos. She also became one of the thousands of his fans, who never saw him.

It's always a thing with artist, one cannot easily disclose who they are in public, afraid of the attention if known who they really are. That is why they use pseudonyms. She understands more than anyone else. In fact she also tries very hard to lie low in the public eye, yet gives it her all on the industry.

She is an author under a name of Daffodil, also an artist under a pseudonym of Lilley, short for Lily of the Valley.

Both were not her real name.

Her thoughts were cut short when someone started to stare at her new artwork along with her.

"It's a compelling artwork." A man with beautiful mint eyes and hair complimented her painting. She saw him look closely at the latest artwork, entitled 'The Sorrows of the Sun.'

She looked around, only to see him smile at her.

"Oh. Uh, so what do you think about it?" She asked him. The man's lips curved up into a smile, yet she can see the sadness behind that beautiful eyes of his. It is like, he can see something beyond the sorrow depicted in the painting.

"It's like the sun, which the artist portrayed as the man was struggling very hard to keep the life of those who are under him, represented by the woman and the flowers of daffodil beneath them. Blue tears, represent the agony coming from the both of them."

He got the message.

"I see. That's a very artistic view of this work." She kind of felt happy that someone finally understood it. Since she hanged it no one truly understood the message it portrays. Yet, she felt as if the man with the teal hair and eyes can truly relate to the said artwork, as if he had gone through it.

"The sun, is a mighty being here you see." She traced the glass where the artwork was placed. "It can give life, it can also take away life, without realizing it. He tried his best to give the warmth and love to those who are under him. But, the excess light it gave off brought drought, eventually killing those special to him, which also brought him sorrow and despair."

"It's powerful, and sad." His lips trembling with each word coming out from his mouth. "Yet I could not say it is not entirely beautiful. It's captivating in its own way."

"It's something that goes with this artist's works. They are never the symbol of happiness." She answered, with a confident smile in her face.

"Lilley means the short for Lily of the valley, am I correct?" He asked, he was now facing her. The melancholic expression he wore earlier was now gone.

"Yes, I think it meant 'return of happiness,' in the language of flowers."

"That's a beautiful meaning." He mumbled, but enough for her to hear. They locked eyes, although his face was a blur she knows how good looking this man is, and his mint eyes speaks of curiosity.

"My name is..."

His phone rang, just as she was expecting for him to introduce himself. 'It's a shame,' she thought, she can rarely meet someone who truly understood her most complicated artworks. Nevertheless, she excused herself first, leaving the man alone to continuously look at the painting.

" _Hey!_ " She hears a faint voice, but she can't see anyone but the light, the man and the painting, and the bouquet of white daisies and baby's breath in her hands.

"Am I dreaming?" She asked herself, but she was sure this happened for real.

A card was next to the bouquet of flowers, with a letter from the sender;

_I always wanted to see your paintings. Ever since the day the coordinators said that I'll be doing exhibit with a painter, I became curious of what your world would be like; what kind of message do your works portray, what color pallettes you use in order to convey such melancholic yet beautiful paintings. Now that I met you, I was thrilled to finally meet the person behind them, I was able to know more about a lot of things and to reflect on myself. Especially, the work entitled "the sorrows of the sun." By the way, I forgot to introduce myself, I'll talk properly to you next time. I look forward to see your paintings in the next exhibit. Thank you, Lilley. I hope the happiness returns in your paintings very soon._

_-V_

 .

 

"Keep awake! I need you to stay with us!" A man... with long brown locks was shaking her. His face was a blur, she could barely register what he was saying. Next, there was a woman's scream. It's full of pain and agony. It pains to hear it so, not due to the pitch, but to the emotions that dwell behind it. Even so, it momentarily kept her aware of the situation.

How did it come to this...?

Oh... right.

_She took a bullet for him._

Her hand went unconsciously to the wound, warm blood gushing out of it. It stained her hoodie a darker color. She thought that the blood would be hard to wash off later. Vanderwood held her in his arms, as if he's the only one who knows what to do in the midst of the chaos they are all in.

So she was dreaming, or was it the last minutes of her life? Flashing through her mind in a very realistic way?

With each passing second she could feel her consciousness slipping away. She closed her eyes, the last thing she saw was the familliar pair of mint colored eyes she loved the most.


	2. Almost

The first few months since she received the letter, was something she looked forward to. She wanted to meet him again. To ask V how he takes such bright photos and how he instills such hope in them. Every exhibit she participated in, she hoped that they'd be able to cross paths again.  
She's as curious as he is about their worlds.  
Days, weeks, months, years flew by. They never saw each other again, yet she can still see the soul of him in each new work of his displayed.

Things started to change drastically.

A year and a half, but there's no signs of him. Not even a single new photo.

V disappeared.

No more light  
No more yang.  
It's as if the balance was no longer there. Only a hole of black.  
The people who came to see his photographs only sees the same thing over and over again, they wanted to see something new. V was on a hiatus, and they never got to talk to each other again.

His fiancee took her own life. That's what they all said, she truly felt sorry for him. It must have affected him so much. She could not do anything for him, not even write a condolence. She could only pray for him.

V's hiatus somehow had an impact on her, yet she knew she should keep on creating. She could manage alone, not that she was completely dependent on him. She still gets invitation from numerous museums. But this time, she wanted to see the smiles of people. The smile his photos brought to them.

V's absence from the art industry made her want to study a new style of art; something completely different from her past styles, pieces of work where people can see the happiness. Something that can be a substitute from the beautiful photographs of his, until he comes back. Until the light of the art galleries comes back.

Each work of hers, she tried to resonate through them a beautiful soul of a man named V. The person who inspired not just her, but a lot of people.

Trying a new style was a success for her. It paid off well. The smiles she wished to see again was now within her reach. Art enthusiasts complimented her, that it was refreshing, to see a new side of her world. Like the lily of the valley regaining its happiness. But her works where nowhere as beautiful as V. She wanted to show it to him someday, and tell him that the happiness has found its way into her paintings.

The letter he wrote her along with some flowers he sent was still kept in her drawer. She somehow preserved them while keeping it pressed inside her thick journal. From time to time she kept reading them, it brought her motivation to try and make new things. She also tried to write another letter back, 3 years had passed, so she wasn't really sure if he can still remember her. She was just a nobody back then.

 

" _... When will she regain consciousness?_ " That voice, could it be...?

" _She's still in a critical condition, we don't know how long she will be in comatose._ "

Next, she heard a faint sob. She knew it belonged to a man. Mumbling the words "I'm sorry, I am really sorry."

 _'Ah, there it is again.'_ She thought to herself. It was those voices again. After a long dream she had of the past, she was almost sure she was in the present, until the excruciating pain in her side made her remember a lot of things. She wanted to bathe herself in the light of her dreams again. She tried to go back to sleep, only to see her body moving to its own accord, pushing V aside from the bullet that was meant for him, next, the pool of her own blood, a woman's scream and people around her in panic. All she could think of was Saeyoung, Saeran and V's safety.

Fluttering her eyes open, she saw three people in the room; Jumin, Zen and him. She was so sure she should see them clearly, but all she can see was a blur of figures, considering that she was fully awake. The sunlight entering the room was too much for her eyes to take. But then she remembered her other condition.

"Huuuh?! What makes you think I want to be in the same room as you?! I came here to see if she was awake. Damn it." She heard Zen's annoyed voice clearly. Jumin on the other hand was quiet. What looked to be a banter was actually normal for her. She could only smile at the sight of them. The warmth was actually a proof that she is still alive and well.

"You do know that you cannot really avoid me. We talk with each other on the messenger, another member was in dang--"

"Gaaah! I don't want to hear it anymore!" Zen gave up, "I came here because I know my beauty could awaken our beloved party coordinator, not to waste my time on some trust fund kid!"

It's lively in here, she thought. She knew they were alright, just hearing the usual exchanges of Jumin and Zen, and V just silently smiling at the sight of them. He must have felt her gaze, as he moved towards her, clearly struggling with a cane in his hand.

"V...?" His name was the first word she uttered after being unconscious for two days. After attempting to sit, She could feel her muscles not really being cooperative to her movements.

The room turned quiet, all of the attention was on her. V came to her first, trying to reach out to her despite his worsening eye condition. She can tell from the relieved look on their faces that it was an anxious wait and days of restlessness for her to wake up. Zen and Jumin left the room quietly, leaving only the two of them.

"I'm here. How do you feel?" He asked, his voice was as gentle as she could remember it from the first time they met each other, just hearing his voice made her felt relief. It was worth it.

"How long... was I out?" She asked, her voice coming out as a whisper.

"... almost a month." He smiled faintly.

"I feel fine. What about you? You're not hurt are you?" She still managed to ask him.

"You should be worried about yourself," V said, his voice turning hoarse, "You shouldn't have done that. Please get mad... get mad at me, I brought you into this. If I weren--" he frowned. She could tell, that he was feeling complicated. Of course, no one wanted this to happen. But she couldn't get mad at him, that will come later. He's been feeling anxious, and despite her state she was willing to make him feel better.

"V, I want to say two things. One, do not ever blame yourself for what happened to me. We all have choices, I made mine, and I'd do it again. Two, I am the happiest person right now to know that Saeyoung has his brother back, all of you are alright atleast, physically, and Rika... I hope she gets well through treatment." She managed to tell him, although her voice was weak. Stroking his hand gently she tried to look straight into his eyes, as if reassuring him at everything will fall in its right places.

"Thank you... I don't deserve to be saved by you. I am grateful, is there anything I can do atleast... to repay you for saving my life?"

She only thought of one thing.  
.  
.

V came out of her room feeling complicated. But he is a man of his words. He looked for Jumin first, telling him of her request.

"I'm going to do the surgery, Jumin." V said, earning a surprised look from Jumin and Zen

"That's good news... but what made you change your mind so suddenly?" Zen asked, while waiting for his answer, V could only smile as he kept in mind of her request.

 

_"You said, that a Lily of the Valley should have its happiness regained. Those words helped me develop not just my art, but myself also. V, to us you were like a daffodil. A symbol of rebirth, inspiration and new beginnings. You've brought happiness to people around you through photos. Could you let yourself see the world in such light and hope again? Just like you did back then, please, it's the only way I can think of. See the world clearly, and make yourself happy again, that's all I ask of you."_


	3. New Beginnings

It's been almost a year and a half ever since he stepped foot in his house. Things changed.

His usual lively apartment had lost its usual color. Everything for him looked like blurry and gray. The portrait of Rika hanging in his living room was now covered in dust, along with the other photos. The flowers in his garden started to wilt and die. He forgot when it all started, him starting to neglect his well being and everything else around him. It could just be his nature, to take care of others before himself. But he knew that this time he clearly forgot himself as a person; he only thought of saving others to the point that his beliefs and love-- obsession as he realized it, started to blind him.

The jars and the frames was also covered in dust. The vase that his Rika used to put fresh flowers in everyday was full of dead flowers that he forgot to throw away. He needs to clean up his house. He needs to fix himself, and start his second life that she gave him, one baby step at a time.

Because he promised her, and because he wanted to.

The way she described him was something he did not expect. A symbol of rebirth, new beginnings and inspiration; like a daffodil. As far as he knew, daffodils should be given as a bouquet,or a bunch at least. Despite the beautiful meaning it has, a single bloom of the said flower could mean misfortune.

He could be that single bloom, for all he brought to them were problems, including the secrets he has to keep, his obsession that led to Rika to where she is right now, thinking it was the right thing to do. His emotions and philosophy took over him completely. V somehow knew that the innocence behind Rika's eyes could be something dark, that is just waiting for the light in order to get fed; and he was that light, that fed that darkness, leading her to be a person that she had become.

"V," he turned around to see Jumin, along with Jaehee who had brought the materials from the previous party.

"Jumin, Jaehee." He greeted them as cheerfully as he could. But the unconvinced look on Jumin's face tells him that he failed trying to look alright.

"I got a call from the hospital. They said that she could be discharged any time today." Jumin said,

"But we have few problems, V. She recently got kicked out of her own apartment, due to financial reasons, and she doesn't have any friends or relatives to take care of her." Jaehee explained, giving V some information that they gathered while she was in the hospital.

"Hmm. I heard she works as an artist, but she mentioned that she stopped doing exhibits months ago." Jumin's words made V think; why did she stop?

"Well, I could always get her a unit to stay in and a personal nurse to take care of her and a maid who can tend to her needs." Jumin added, getting his phone from his coat.

"I don't think there's any need, Jumin. She can stay with me, I can take care of her too." V stopped his friend before he made the call. What he said, however made Jaehee and Jumin confused.

"V, your eyes weren't that good anymore, you know that right?" Jaehee took the words right out of Jumin's mouth that all he could do was nod.

"I can still see clearly with my left eye. I'm sure I can take care of her until she gets well. When that time comes, I'll have my surgery." There was determination in his voice. He felt like he needed to take responsibility for her, after all, she saved his life. This is only one of the many ways he can do to repay his debt.

-  
She stared outside the hospital window. Although she could barely feel the pain from the wound the doctor advised her not to move too much. Countless thoughts occupied her mind. She could be discharged today, but what will happen after? Saeyoung visited her as he would often do whenever Saeran was resting.

She was in a comatose for almost a month, nearly lost her life trying to protect V. Now, she might have lost her home.

"Saeyoung," she called him trying to get a closer look to the red headed hacker of the RFA.

"Mmm?" He answered,

"I've been meaning to ask this but have you seen my eyeglasses? I really have a poor eyesight and I can't see very clearly. I thought maybe you saw it somewhere." She sait down beside him, waiting for him to answer.

"You don't remember? It shattered when you... um."

"Oh." She mumbled. Mentally doing computations of how much it would cost her the hospital bill, rent and now the cost of having new eyeglasses.

This is the only time that she wanted to mentally slap herself. She should have finished the manuscript for her novel and participated in exhibits. But no matter how much she tried she just cannot do it. Now she has to stress over the fact that no one would actually take care of her when she gets home. If she still has a home, that is.

"The doctor said you will be discharged today, but who is going to take care of you?" Saeyoung asked. Oh, how she wished she could answer that.

"I have some friends who can--"

"But you don't have any friends or relatives." He said flatly. Looking through the information he hacked for security reasons. "I'd love to take care of you but..."

"That kind of hurts. Alright I don't know who or how. As long as I have a home to go back to then I'll be fine. Don't worry about me, just take care of Saeran." She answered in defeat, she doesn't know either. There was a comfortable silence between them as they continue to look outside the window. It was a beautiful afternoon. She took out her phone to play some good old music, "Aubrey" by Bread.

Both she and Saeyoung smiled upon hearing the song. They both agreed that it was a relaxing song to listen to in a sunny afternoon. She often spends afternoon like this doing some art, writing and reading. She missed doing it.

"Why did you do it? Save us, I mean. We only talked for 11 days but you willingly saved me and my brother. You even took a bullet for V." Saeyoung broke the silence between them. But his question also left her curious of the reason why she did it. She pondered for a while, looking for the reason herself, was it because of V? No, it wasn't.

"I don't know, I have this sense of responsibility ever since I was young, that I have to protect those important to me. Even if it costs me something." She answered, looking straight into his golden eyes, "I wouldn't say that I saved you or your brother. I'm just a tag along you know? But one thing I knew is, I just made up my mind, that no matter what happens, I want to see you with your brother again. As for V, when I saw the gun, my body just moved on its own to shield him." She explained. She saw Saeyoung's lip curve into an apologetic smile,

"You almost lost your life because of us. When you were in critical condition, and in a comatose. I thought I'd lose my mind. I don't think I could forgive myself if that happened." He said, fidgeting his fingers. Of course, she should have thought of her actions first. But in a situation like that, she can't take her time thinking of things.

"I'm sorry for being reckless, but I am here, alive and well. Saeyoung, everything will be fine." She hoped, the moment she said that they heard a knock before the door opened, revealing Jumin and V.

The atmosphere in the room turned tense and cold. This is the first time Saeyoung and V met since the incident happened. She looked at the two of them, Saeyoung's knuckles turning white. What the red headed feels was completely valid, what happened to his brother was not something a guardian would do. His trust was broken by none other than V himself.

She lightly stroked Saeyoung's back before smiling at him. "You should go, Saeran must be awake by now," she urged him. Her words somehow managed to calm him down a little. Anymore longer that the two stay in the same place she was sure that it would turn to something bad. Saeyoung quietly left the room, briefly saying good bye to them.

The guilt and regret in V's eyes were evident; he couldn't look to Saeyoung even when he left the room. Yet he still tried to hide it, they all know that they needed some time before getting to talk to each other.

"How are you feeling?" Jumin asked first, breaking the tension in the room.

"I'm feeling a lot better, the doctor said I can go home but reminded me not to move too much." She beamed a smile.

"We already paid for the hospital bill. As for your home... you were kicked out of your apartment." Jumin said flatly. She figured that would be the case, she just chuckled.

"... they couldn't wait until I get discharged huh. But thank you very much. I'll pay you for the hospital bills, although it might take a while." She said to Jumin.

"Don't think about it. No amount of money could replace what you did for me. Your belongings were already at my house. You'll be staying with me from now on. That is why we are here to fetch you." V smiled, his face emitting a light she knew very well. It felt like the first time they met each other. But after adoring him, was only then she understood what he said.

_V,_

_Long time no see, it's been almost a year since I last saw you. People have been looking for the new photographs you make. Nevertheless, they still felt happy whenever they see your photos, both new and old enthusiasts of your yours. The happiness of the lily of the valley has come back, thanks to the photos that inspired me to do so. I hope the next time I see you, we can introduce ourselves to each other, properly._

_-Lilley._


	4. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healing does take time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a dialogue from V with an ' *' he said it in Ray's VN. Contains tiny spoiler

Golden hair, bright green eyes. Her first impression of Rika was angelic. The way she talked with V seemed like they had a world of their own; a world where no one was allowed. It was a beautiful sight. Not everyone can have someone that would share the same interests as the other. The sight of them made her want to dream, she wanted experience the same thing with someone someday. She was that happy for them. Even if she wanted to see more works of V she decided to walk away quietly from them and back to her artworks.

She could still clearly remember that afternoon,

That same woman was in front of them right now. She still has that angelic features; her lovely, golden hair and the innocent facial features, but her emerald eyes that once bear hope was now without an ounce of sympathy, it was dark. It screams of a twisted belief that she wanted to share to other people. Something that cannot be accepted by the society, a belief one would thought they'd only see in a soap opera, or in her terms, a delusion.

Then, there was a younger man. Around Seven's age; his younger brother. Pointing the gun at V, who was risking his life for the so called 'savior' of this cult. But with the situation they are in, his actions was something. She could not describe it as something romantic, or heroic. It was, crazy and unrealistic. Of course, Rika was the love of his life. He was willing to protect her at all costs, heck, he was even willing to sacrifice his sight.

For an artist, their eyes, hand and emotions were one of the most important things. Without it, they cannot create art that can bring something to this twisted world. Just the thought itself, for her, a someone who was about to lose one of the tools of trade was devastating. She had no idea what she was doing, but her body was moving towards them.

"Rika!"

_**Bang!** _

Blood, a deafening ring to her ears, her body falling on the floor. The sudden silence inside the hall.

Rika screamed, Vanderwood kicked the believers who were holding him back and V's face that was terrified for her. She looked around the room before feeling the pressure on her right chest. It was Vanderwood, he was pleading her to stay with them, his coat pressed gently to stop the bleeding. Next there was V, and then Saeyoung trying to calm his brother.

"Keep awake, I need you to stay with us!" Vanderwood's desperate plea made her look at him,

"Stay with us, please we need you to stay with us!" V's trembling voice made her whimper, a lump forming in her throat. "Don't... worry." she managed to mumble, before completely closing her eyes.  
.

"Haaah... haaah!" She woke up. The same feeling of fear back in her mind. Her hands were shaking, she's drenched in cold sweats all over her body. The thought of dying was something she couldn't completely fathom. But at that moment she was the same as V, willing to give it all for someone they cherish.

The fairy lights in her room glowed a yellow color, the same color as her lampshade. The familiar vibe the room itself gave off made her feel at ease after having a nightmare. She made sure that her room looked like it did when she was still living in her apartment. The room was in calming color of sky blue, which she was thankful for.

It's been months since she moved in to this unfamiliar place. Living in V's house was something she did not expect. Although the man himself persisted so, she still feels as if she was someone who shouldn't be here. The uneasiness started to build up again. So she switched the light on, grabbed her brushes, paints and a watercolor paper. Trying to paint away the idea that came to her.

She dipped the brush in the water, before lightly brushing at the pigment of her chosen color. Each stroke she makes on the paper was like a calming therapy for her, along with the scent of lavender oil that is wafting all over the room. Yes, this enough to calm her down.

The eyeglasses Jumin provided somehow eased the blurriness of her vision, enough to make her see what she was painting. But soon enough, it wouldn't be enough for her. And she couldn't do anything to stop it.

Her movements stopped when she heard whimpers coming from the other room. Maybe he was having that dream again. Ever since she moved in, he was having a nightmare for at least twice a week. She went into the kitchen to get him a glass of water before walking closer to V's room which was next to hers.

The whimpering didn't stop, which made her worry. She carefully opened the door, before peeking inside to see V. The dim light in his bedside table was enough to reflect the beads of sweat in his forehead. She quickly went to him, putting the glass of water aside,

"V?" She tried to wake him up gently, but him just shaking wouldn't stop. She held his hand while trying to shake his shoulders. It had become a routine, them looking out for each other. V takes care of her needs during the day, while she takes care of him when this time of the week comes. If only she could chase that dream away, then, both of them would be alright.

"Rika... no, don't..." she pity V so much, to have undergone such experiences himself. She tried to shake his shoulders more forcefully this time, hoping for him to finally wake up. V reached out for her hand, holding it tight as he could, as if it his only way to calm down. Seconds later, his breathing returned to normal. His expression finally calm.

She had no idea what to do; his action took her by surprise. Trying to softly get her hand out of his made him grasp it a little more.

"Don't go..." he murmured in his sleep. In his dreams, did he thought of the hand he is holding was Rika's? The thought itself made her a little disappointed. Even so, she decided to stay with him for the night. Taking a chair and slept there, their hands intertwined the whole night.  
.  
.  
.  
The bright sunlight on the room gave it a warm glow. V woke up to the light of early morning. He found himself holding someone’s hand. He tried to make his eyes adjust to the light, before somehow seeing her even though it is only a blur. She was holding his hand tight, and she's sleeping on a chair. He tried to remember what happened last night, until it came to him that he dreamt of the same incident that happened three months ago.

V brushed away the hair strands covering her face. He may not be able to see clearly but he can identify the dark circles under her eyes. He felt sorry for always keeping her up for weeks now, dreaming of the same thing again and again.  
She looked uncomfortable in the position she was in, yet he could tell she was sleeping peacefully.

It was always like this. He wasn't sure if he can carry her into her bed next room, especially without his cane. V thought of only one thing. He gently lifted her so that she can sleep in his bed, tucking her in his blanket, he was worried at first that it would smell of him.

As soon as she lay down she immediately reached for the pillow. Seeing her sleeping form made V felt at ease. She has her mouth agape, his spare pillow between her legs while she hugged the beige duvet. It's been almost three months since she moved in, and the way he feels about her was making him confused. V knew that she was somehow like Rika, and staying with her made him feel scared at times. But those worries immediately come and go; she's stable, calm and even most of the time rational and logical, yet she still knew how to perfectly have empathy.

His eye surgery was scheduled the next week, and it is making him anxious and at the same time excited. But, she was there to reassure that things will be fine. Truth be told he never saw her face clearly, and he wanted to so bad. He wanted to see the angel that saved his life, and to see the world with her.

His thoughts were abruptly stopped when the doorbell rang. Reaching for his gray cardigan on the headboard, V stood up and went to the front door, wondering who might visit them early in the morning. Good thing his house didn’t have any stairs, or else it would become a problem for him. just as he was about to turn the knob and open the front door, he heard footsteps coming near him. She was running towards the front door. Her hair tied in a messy bun while her eyeglasses was tilted on the side.

“Good morning V!” she greeted him, “Um, sorry but I was expecting Saeyoung today.” She held his arm for her dear life, she was panting. A sight quite new for V. “I don’t look too presentable right now, but… haha. Could you talk to him for a while…? I’ll go wash my face first, just wait!” She said, before he could protest, she was already looking at his eyes. V was hesitant to tell her ‘no,’ after all, it’s only been three months of not being able to talk at all to Saeyoung, this would be the first time to meet him.

He wasn’t sure if he would be able to face him or to tell him he is sorry, that he never intended for things to happen that way, all he could do was to look down to his feet. She must have been able to see the hesitant and troubled look on his face. She squeezed his arm gently, urging him to look into her eyes. V looked at her, she gave him a warm smile.

“It’s okay, I know you’re scared. But I think it is time for you to talk to each other. Everything will be fine, Jihyun. But, if you still cannot, just call me.” She reassured, before walking back to her room to wash her face and comb her hair. Those words were enough to push him to open the door and face his ‘younger brother’.

  
Saeyoung greeted him with his goofy smile, V could feel getting teary eyed. The way this boy smiled at him was like when he used to before the whole incident happened. They stood at the doorway for a few minutes, before another man with a bleached hair stood behind Saeyoung.  
Seeing Saeran after what happened at the Mint Eye made him froze in place. He did not know what to do. He still felt guilty about what has happened to the both of them. He couldn’t help but--

“Good morning!” her voice cut through their little moment. She stood beside V, her smile making them all break into ones as well.

“… hello,” Saeran greeted shyly, his eyes were still the color of Mint. V had asked them to go inside. It was without a doubt that their atmosphere was still awkward, despite (Name) and Saeyoung’s desperate attempt to break it down.

She had asked Saeran to help her make breakfast, V knew that it was to give him and Saeyoung a chance to talk. Although he was not sure if it was the right time to talk, especially when they have yet to have their breakfast. Silence filled the entire living room, all they could hear was the chirping of the birds and the talking from the kitchen. V cleared his throat, he really has no idea how to start. He has a lot to say, but he does not know where to start.

“Saeyoung.” He tried to start, but the words were once again stuck in his throat. He found himself acting funny, his desperate attempt to apologize to Saeyoung was making him embarrassed. Although, he promised (Name) that he’ll try to become more open to his feelings and be dependent to others around him, he found it never easy to do so. but she was always there to reassure him that everything would be fine, but this time he should do it alone.

Saeyoung’s golden eyes were fixed on him, and V could feel it. He decided to be honest, to just say whatever he has to say,

  
“Saeyoung, I’m sorry.” He started off, his body facing towards him, “To be honest, I don’t think I still have the right to talk to you, or to Saeran. After what I did, I thought at that time that it was the right thing to do, to keep it from all of you from hurting. I understand that things have never been easy for the both of you. I can never apologize enough, I have so many things to apologize, for failing to take care of you and Saeran, for failing to becoming a responsible head of the RFA, and for even failing to protect all of you.” V finally said, “But, if possible, I want to start with all of you again, I know it will never be the same, I don’t even know if you can still forgive me, if I you don’t, then I understand too. **_*It’s_** a karma I deserve, I created a secret I couldn’t control, and this is where it has brought me, to be honest, I don’t even know how to ask for your forgiveness.”

  
“Forgiving, hyung is not an easy thing to do…” Saeyoung finally responded. V was looking on the floor, unable to look straight into Saeyoung’s face. He had no courage to face him. he was once more afraid, but he took a risk. He decided to ask for forgiveness, now it was up to Saeyoung.

  
“Just like you, I took a risk. After all, you still did save us. Things might not have gone as planned. A part of me had already forgiven you, but right now, if you ask for complete forgiveness, it might take some time. But we all wanted to start again together.” He said, of course. Saeyoung was right, it made V happy. Healing does take time.

V, felt his heart more overwhelming with warmth and happiness.

“Thank you… thank you.”

 


	5. Warmth and Scars

Five: Warmth and Scars

"Saeran, we're going to Jumin's rest house tomorrow." His older brother, Saeyoung said. Those words were enough to stop him from what he is doing.

They were planting some new flowers in their backyard after finishing doing the landscape in the garden. Ever since he came back from the hospital and reconciling with his brother, his interests came back into tending the flowers, and spending the afternoon looking at the blue skies. Doing those almost everyday was something he could never get sick of, after all it is what he always wanted to do when he was a child.

He is still trying to adjust to his new environment; an environment completely different from where he was used to. He spent years in a place where he was abused, and to suddenly face people who treats him warmly was still very new to him. Saeran couldn't be more thankful enough, especially now that he is with his brother, whom he missed so much.

"Do I... do I really have to go?" He asked, feeling uneasy at the thought. Sure, the RFA members were kind towards him. But he still sometimes felt uncomfortable. Saeran knew that what he said would only make his twin worry, Spending a day or two in a week with the RFA members was still new to him. Although he has spent a great time with Yoosung and (Name.), all of the other members still felt... new for him.

"Do you not want to go? Or would you like to do something else for tomorrow? Tell me." Saeyoung crouched down to join his brother,

"It's just..." _so sudden_ , he thought. Saeran put the trowel down to talk to Saeyoung, his face already showing disappointment. No matter how many years he spent hating his brother, Saeran still could not even bear seeing him disappointed, although he also knew that his brother was sincere in asking him what he wants. Saeran took a deep breath, he needed to think this through.

The only members he was comfortable talking with are Yoosung and her. Saeran knew what his brother wants, and it is for him to get closer to the other members. He also wanted to of course. However, going to the three day vacation means seeing V. Just the thought itself was already making him feel awkward, but Saeran made up his mind,

"Nevermind, of course we should go."

* * *

 

"Saeran, what should we make today?" She asked, her hands on her hip. He chuckled, noticing the small details in her mannerisms, from the way she tapped her fingers on her chin to her eyes that were fixed on the ingredients at the table.

"Should we make omelettes?" He suggested, getting the eggs from the fridge. He had only been to V's house twice, but the minimalist design of his house made each corner easy to remember. Now that he thought about it, he did not mind seeing V so early in the morning, despite his desperate attempts from the past to avoid him. The only reason he came here today was because of her, and his brother.

"Oh! What about omurice?" She said, Saern smiled at her excitement,

"Alright." In a span of three months, they have gotten closer. 'I forgive you,' he still remembers the day she accepted his apology for almost taking her life. Saeran knew it wasn't enough, and that he would accept if she'd stay mad at him. But instead of getting mad she stayed, became his close friend and even shared their time for their mutual interests; skies and flowers. He never knew from the first glance, that a woman like her would love such simple things. But he is like that too, he loved those simple things. They even planned to open a flower shop together, so that he could completely stop doing dangerous jobs again such as hacking.

"By the way, Saeran. I am glad you could come today." She said as soon as she finished frying eggs.

"I figured that maybe I should give it a try," he responded, "although I couldn't still give the forgiveness V asks for me. I'm just like my brother, a part of me has already forgiven him, but not completely." He said honestly,because he knew that she wanted an honest answer.

"I see. Of course, it wouldn't be to easy. But still you tried." She smiled, a genuine one at that.

He even wondered at times at how can a person be so selfless, everytime he thinks of his childhood with his brother, he could not help but ask himself the same question. Saeyoung said that he should stay as he is, the first one to apologize, to forgive first. That was who he really is, before he became a person that he used to be.

"Thank you for understanding,"

"Oh by the way please taste this, if its already seasoned enough" she said, getting a spoonful of the fried rice she made.

"It's good." He smiled, She let out a satisfied smile.

After preparing the dishes, she called Saeyoung and V from the living room to join them for breakfast. They managed to talk about their plans for the next three days. She glowed as she talked about making some plein air and even making a landscape painting with the whole RFA members. The incoming three day vacation might not be so bad at all, Saeran thought. As warm as the afternoon on a spring day, as lively as the flowers. If Saeran would be asked if what kind of season would (Name) be, it would spring.

* * *

After dinner, she taught V how to paint. Since she moved into his house she was teaching him how to paint, although he couldn't see the details very much she still teaches him the basics. It had become a habit every night to spend an hour or two. Even at the Jumin's rest house they still manage to find some time.

V was a fast learner, teaching him was a breeze. They both make abstract paintings at first. They will proceed to more detailed works after surgery, The more she spends some time with him the more she felt her self feeling weird. She easily blushes whenever V compliments her.

She felt Jumin's gaze on both of her hands. Her left was holding a pencil while the other holding a brush. "Oh... uh I can use both of my hands well. I am ambidextrous." She said, earning a look of amusement on their faces.

"Really? Then that means you could play some instruments, right?" Zen said, her eyes were now fixed at the piano at the center of Jumin's resthouse. She had a bad feeling about this.

"Both hands were needed in every instrument, Zen." Yoosung said. Now that she noticed it, they were all on the living room, only she and V were having their own moment. She was hesitant to answer his question, but she could feel that they wanted to hear her answer. She fiddled with her fingers under the table so that no one could see her nervousness, she tried to keep a straight face.

"Yes, I could play the um... the piano. But I do not remember much, I only learned it in primary school." Yes, piano. She couldn't possibly tell them that she could play the violin. It would be like she would be cutting off her left hand.

"Ah! Why don't you play something like um... twinkle twinkle little star?" Yoosung suggested, she can see in their faces that they are looking forward to seeing her play the instrument.

"Yeah! Anyone can play that."

"Alright... but, I don't think it would be that good." The grand piano on the center of Jumin's rest house looked like an estranged close friend, almost forgotten by the time and unforeseen circumstances. Their eyes were focused on her, her nervousness was building up. She looked over to Saeran, who seem to share her feelings of uneasiness. She was anxious to try again, it's been what, 8 years since she played? Ever since then she hasn't touch a single string on the violin nor played a single sonata on the piano. She stood up, trying to look relaxed despite hiding her tensed hands in the pocket of her hoodie.

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and sat down. Uncovering the ebony and ivory keys of the piano made her feel a lot emotions coursing through her mind. She looked over to them and smiled, her newfound family anticipating her performance. V's eyes were focused on her, it's like he was telling her that she'd do great, a smile to him was her response.

She closed her eyes once more, she needed to feel again, to let the emotions speak through the keys and notes she will play.

 _Twinkle twinkle little star,_ she tried to remember the excitement she felt when she first got to try the twelve variations of Mozart. The first time she performed in a concours, and the last, which she had no idea that it would also be the last time for the rest of her life.

When she started playing, the world almost turned to a stop for her. The music coming from the piano made her forget everything.

 _Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are... Up above the world so high Like a diamond in the sky..._ Yoosung sang along, she can picture him with his smile as they enjoy listening to her. She kept on playing, but when she reached the second variation, the singing stopped, instead she heard them gasp.

Memories of her childhood resurfaced, from the practice hours, concours, every afternoon spent watching sunsets with a boy she could no longer remember, up until she lost the ability to play the instruments she loved the most.

_'(First Name, Last name) a prodigy violinist and pianist at the age of 7. She had the gift of music in her hands, considered a musical genius. However, at the age of 13 she lost her abilities to perform due to injuries, involving her eyes and hands.'_

_'A music prodigy who cannot play anymore, how unfortunate. What happened to her was truly a waste of talent,'_

_'Too bad, it wouldn't be too long for she also loses her-- '_

_'I don't think her wrist could work as it used to even if we take her to rehab. The injury was severe, so it is not advisable for her to use her left wrist with things that puts too much work in her hands, including playing.'_

Yet at this moment, even though those words were once more all she could remember, she tried to play with happiness. After all, she was with her third family, and it has always been a pleasure for her to play for the people she cherished the most. She could feel her left wrist acting up again, hurting as she continues to play.

She was desperate to play, although her parents was against it from the start she was desperate to play. If only she could turn back time, to change things, to take precaution before acting on anything. Before she did painting and writing, music was the form of art she loved the most. She always loved arts, and it will always be a part of her.

The last notes were drawing near, she could envision herself playing in front of the audience. Were they able to understand what she wanted to convey? Did it reach them? She played the last note, the fleeting moment of nostalgia gone, the curtains of the stage closed. She opened her eyes once more, the familiar sight of piano has made a small smile form in her lips. Looking over to the living room where the members of RFA sat, amused look on their faces. The familiar pain in her left wrist back, after so many years of not being able to use it like she did before,

"I know I asked her to play twinkle twinkle little star but..." Yoosung said,

"That was amazing... I mean, that was..." Zen's attempt to praise her playing made her chuckle,

"Impressive. How would you like to play at the next party at C&R?" Jumin said, a faint smile to his lips. They all applauded at her performance, when she looked at Saeran, worry was visible in his face. Among all of them, he was the only one who knew completely of her past. His worries came true, she could barely move her left hand. She sat down again between Saeran and V.

"That was very beautiful." He said, they both stared into each other's eyes. She can see clearly the blue specks in V's mint eyes. She sees him as vast as the ocean, deep in his own thoughts, mesmerizing in its own right. Those eyes of his makes her dizzy. Her heart was beating very fast,

"You are beautiful..." she said, inmediatey covering her mouth at what she said. V's eyes widened at what she said,

"You are also beautiful." He chuckled. For months she was confused of what she felt towards him, only then did she realized.

She loves V.


	6. Angel Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That was the first time, in a very long time that their sleep was not disturbed by the dreams of the past and their fears.

The hot chocolate was turning warmer as the night reaches its darkest and coldest hour. The heat from the mug keeping her hands barely warm. Sipping the about the last amount of the beverage, she glanced at her wristwatch, 15 minutes before one in the morning, and she'd been standing in the veranda for 2 hours already.

Thoughts of V kept her up, despite her body begging her to take a rest, her mind and emotions just wouldn't want to. The new and weird feelings she has for the man made her feel anxious, that she excused herself earlier from the fun. She could still hear Yoosung, Zen and Seven talking downstairs. They must still be playing games, she thought. Saeran went to sleep earlier, while Jumin and Jaehee had to double check something for the company. Although it worries her that Jaehee might not be getting enough sleep as it is,

She shared a room with Jaehee, luckily. Although she was afraid to sleep again due to the nightmares, it was the only room who was close to V's. She is still worried about him. But tonight, she was thankful enough to breathe in the air from the sea, and to see the moon and its reflection in the water. She took a picture of the scenery in front of her, to use it as a reference for her next painting. She always wanted to paint the sea and night sky, and knew that this was the perfect scenery for that.

The stars were shining bright tonight, a place nowhere near from the city was always a perfect place to do some stargazing, millions of stars were seen with the naked eye, she could see the milky way, and it took her breath away.

She needed the peace of the night to think alone. Tonight would be the perfect time.

Putting her earbuds, she listened to Jean Sibelius's Symphony number 7. She closed her eyes, trying to recollect herself and to think things through, especially by the recent events from the past months. She hadn't even had a good sleep since then, except when she was in a comatose for almost a month.

She was so absorbed by the music, that all she could see beneath her closed eyes were the colors dancing along with each note, the transitions from green and blue, to tranquility and then elegance, the brass and the strings. The sensation she feels along with cold night air against her face was nostalgic, and saudade like. It cleared her thoughts, it cleared of her feelings. She came to one solution; she needed time to reevaluate how she really feels towards V. Things need to take time, although she was quite sure that she had fallen for the leader of their organization.

But no, she could never expect him to return her feelings. She could never ask for his love in return, he has Rika, and she never intended to love him in the first place. Her heart sunk at the thought, but that's just how things are. V and Rika were soulmates, destined by the time. She could never have that connection with him, and she was never meant be that person in V's life or anyone in RFA for that matter, one way or another she has to leave soon. Opening her eyes she saw a falling star. The first wish she had on her mind was for the RFA's happiness.

Her moment was cut short when she heard the familiar shutter of a camera.

-  
It's almost one in the morning, but V was still wide awake. He'd been tossing and turning in his bed, trying to find the perfect position. He hadn't slept a wink, staring at the ceiling for 2 straight hours.

The train of thoughts kept him up. He knew he wasn't supposed to think so much before he goes to sleep, his surgery was supposed to happen next week. After that, he was thinking of going overseas for a year or two, to recollect himself, to find himself and to learn more about the world

The sight outside his window made him get up, the stars were clearly visible, along with the milky way. The moon was reflecting clearly on the ocean. He quickly picked up his camera that was resting on the bedside table.

V opened the his door, the soft warm lights on the hallway made a decent light to lead him outside on the veranda. As he walked closer to his destination, he saw a familiar silhouette. The wind softly blowing her hair along with her olive green cardigan.

He walked quietly towards her, as he was about to pat her shoulder, he stopped.

V could hear the familiar symphony that was playing from her earbuds, he always heard it from the music room when he was still in middle school. Played in violin and piano. But what caught his attention was that she has her eyes closed, as if she was in deep thought, her features looked almost ethereal; with the light of the moon making her skin glow in pale color. The falling leaves of summer made it like she was going to be swept away with them. The sight for him was perfect, she looked perfect, as if his hands knew what they were doing, he took a photo of her.

"...!" She immediately took out her earbuds, V chuckled at her surprised look.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you."

"V! Why are you still awake?" She asked,

He could see the worry all over her face,

"I just couldn't sleep, don't worry. Mind if I join you here?" He asked,

"Be my guest,"   
  
"The stars looked beautiful tonight, weren't they?"

They both looked at the stars, comforting silence between them was enough.

"They do, they really do. I could stare at them the whole night." She responded, rubbing both of her hands for warmth.

V wanted to hold her hands and intertwine them with his, but he notice that she was having a good time just looking at the stars like that. He noticed the way her eyes bright up at the sight of them, and for him, it seemed very familiar,

He could see Rika in her.  
There was something in her eyes, yet the innocence were also there.   
And it is making him scared. Not because of what she might or can do, he was afraid of what she might become if he continues to be by her side. He was afraid of knowing if his feelings for her were of obsession or love, and he won't make the same mistake twice.  
  
But he knew she was different, she was different from Rika.

And at this night, the way she looked at the sky along with moon and the stars, makes him want to stare at her all night, admiring her adoration for the heavenly bodies. The light in her face are different. Her eyes now reflect the shine of the stars. It is as if it was the most beautiful thing she saw. But he could swear she wears the same expression from all the beautiful and natural things the world could offer. From her love to the skies and seas to her curiosity in ants and grass. Literally everything. Although her eyes was often clouded in something he has yet to discover. He is still curious about the way she thinks, and about her world.

As they continued to share the same sky, a thought came to V's mind; if he had introduced himself from three years ago, would he share the world she has? If he hadn't approached Rika and continued to talk to her on that day, how would things turn out? His eyebrows furrowed at the thought, he bit his lower lip in disappointment. He should not have even thought of such thing. Meeting Rika made him feel whole, yes. But how does he feel about her?  
Comfortable? Whole?

He looked at her once more but the sight made him alarmed. A longing smile formed in her lips. Next, a tear fell from her eye. He could certainly tell from her expression that it was nowhere a tear of happiness. But before V could ask what was the problem, she spoke first.

"I'm sorry, I surprised you. Didn't I?" She beamed a smile, "It's just that... the sky brings me so much happiness. It's so, so beautiful, you know? There's something oddly comforting about it. It's like a home... a home I always long for."

Maybe because she was an artist, he thought. If the sun holds a dear place in his heart, then the skies must have a special place in hers too. They share the same view in things most of the time, that V sometimes thinks as if he can see himself in her,

The way she talks about the sky was just how like Rika talks about the sun.

"It is very beautiful." He answered her back, it's only been three months. But the way she makes every moment spent together memorable was making V look forward to the future, when the time comes that he was ready again.

He wanted to love himself, to see the world and to learn much more about it, he wanted to see it with her.

"By the way, V. I have to tell you something."

"Jihyun."

"Huh?"

"You called me Jihyun once, you should start calling me that."

She chuckled, and it was music to his ears.

"Alright, Jihyun... it really is a beautiful name." She smiled sweetly, before looking up again at the skies. He yawned, he can already feeling his eyes getting "You should go to sleep, it's getting late."

"And what about you?" He asked

"I'll stay a little longer here... I have things to think about."

"Alright, good night."

"Good night to you too, Jihyun."

He went inside of his room, before he went to bed he looked through his camera to find the latest shot of her. Indeed, it was the most beautiful shot of his after he came back from hiatus. He put the camera back to his table and went to bed, the moment he closed his eyes, he immediately fell into deep sleep.

_Only to be greeted by the same nightmare._

_They were all waiting anxiously outside the operating room; V's hands and clothes were covered in blood. Jumin, who rarely loses his composture was walking back and forth. Jaehee sat in the corner, praying. While Zen and Yoosung was beside her, their stares blank. The first time they had to see their new member was when she was on the brink of death. They were all scared, she was on a critical condition._

_As soon as the doctor came out, V rushed to ask about her state, only to get the answer he never wanted to hear._

_"Time of death, 7:15 pm" he was holding her lifeless hand. Begging for her to wake up,_

_"No... no no. Please wake up." The cries of grief were heard throughout the hospital hall._

  
_"Jihyun, Jihyun!"_

V woke up to a start, and she was there. Her concerned face was what he saw first, she was sitting on the chair, and once again he was holding her right hand, a very familiar situation for the two of them.

"You were calling my name... I could hear it from our room, are you alright?" She looked closer to him, and he could not stop the tears from his eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?" She said, wiping the tears from his face

"I've been having nightmares, and you were dead in all of them." He mumbled, he was scared, he was very scared his hands were still shaking, he was covered in cold sweats.

"Jihyun, can you give me your hand?" He reached his hand to hers, where she put it in her cheek. "I am alive, and well. We are in Jumin's rest house right now." She felt warm, and she glowed with the light of the moonlight reflecting on her face. He felt relieved, he knew she was here and always be with him.

  
"Can you--" _stay with me?_ He wanted to ask, but he stopped midway, he knew he was asking too much of her. He felt pathetic to seek her warmth after a bad dream.

the cold night air made him shiver. Now that he looked closer to her, she was wearing her hoodie, although it is a different shade of blue than her usual ones. It's lighter, like the color of the sky in the afternoon. She looked warm, and V always wondered why, this angel always looked so sad, and her eyes that were always distant, as if it was longing for something.

"Do you want me to stay with you for tonight?"  
She smiled sweetly, as if she can read his mind. Was he an open book when it comes to her?

"Please," he said. She fixed the chair so that she was facing towards him.

"I'll stay until you fall asleep." She reassured him with a smile, but V was having none of it, her sleeping on the chair like she always does.

"No, just sleep here with me." Her face turned a bright red.

"Oh, um... uh." She stuttered,

"I'm sorry, I asked too much. Never- ."

"Iamokaywithitbutisitreallyalrightwithyou?!" She squealed, seeing her this embarrassed was something new for V. Everyday, she never fails to surprise him.

"Come on now, you can't keep on sleeping on the chair," he managed to urge her. She hesitantly crawled up to the bed. She tucked herself into the blanket. They were still holding each others' hands, their only reassurance.

Facing each other made him smile, the intensity of her eyes had him captivated. V had almost forgotten the warmth of having someone by his side, after a long time this somehow felt new for him. He placed her hand on his chest, just where his heart is.

"Thank you, for saving me. This heart is still beating because of you, and I am sorry." He let her hand cup his face,

"No, thank you." There she goes again, thanking him when in fact he never did anything good to her. He leaned his forehead close to hers, as he stared deep into her eyes V knew that he could no longer ignore the sadness and longing that linger behind them.

"Have your eyes always been this sad...?" This time, his thumb gently grazed her cheek, before cupping her face. She chuckled, the words she said next was not something he would expect.

"I remember someone telling me I had beautiful eyes; round and brown, with a light of curiosity with the wonders of the world; both bad and good. He said that its light would bring joy and understanding to every person I meet, and that I should take care of it. I did not mind what he said at first; I do not understand anything that he said, I did not know that it meant my innocence and my kindness. These eyes saw more than what it should see and understood, and those things led me to understand how the world really worked."

He could never bring himself to comfort her. The emotions and memories behind those words might mean something more to her. He could never know the depth of what she went through. V held her in his arms, her face buried on the crook of his neck. He kissed the top of her head, while playing with her hair. V vowed to himself, that he will make this angel happy.

That was the first time, in a very long time that their sleep was not disturbed by the dreams of the past and their fears.


	7. Sunsets and Ice Creams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Darling promise me, no matter how much pain the world gives you, never give back the pain to anyone." -Shi Collantes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was in Saeran's POV, finally~

Seven: sunsets and ice cream

  
"The sunset looks nice again today. Don't you think?"

A girl of his age started the conversation, every day, for thirty minutes they would both sneak out of their homes. To see the setting sun and share things to talk about. Every day, for a year.

He could not bring himself to answer back. He wanted to leave, he was afraid for her. He can take the beatings, he was used to that. He's always the sick and frail one, the one who always faces the wrath of an alcoholic mother.

But the thought of his only friend getting beaten up again was something he did not want to happen.

"This ice cream tastes great! The flavor is cookies and cream. What do you think? It tastes great right?" She gave him a cup of ice cream, he was hesitant to take it. The last time they met each other, her father ended up scolding her, the next day she has bruises.

"Saeran, you're spacing out again. Did something happen?"

"Are you sure your father won't get angry at you?"

"Well... he's out with another woman. I left the house when he already did, so I guess not."

"You don't have to come and bring me ice cream, you know. I'm afraid you'd get hurt because of me again."

"We know its not because of you. It's not our fault that he has temper problems. And, come on, you're the only friend I have in this place. Besides, I bought that ice cream with the money I kept from playing. You should at least try it. Oh, by the way, what about your mother, was she drunk again?"

The boy pursed his lips.

"I see. You have new bruises again," she said, a worried expression etched on her face.

His olive green sweater covering his fresh bruises from the abuse of his mother was something he could not hide from his friend. She can always see through him, and the same was for him.  
He smiled,

"But what about you? Did he hurt you again? You're wearing your hoodie right now."

"How did you know?"

"So your father did..."

"Mm. He did. If only we could run away, away from here." She treated his bruises with the ice pack she bought from their house, "It's like... we're both damned in this place."

He smiled bitterly.

"I want to leave this place soon too, but I... can't. I made a promise with my brother. That I'll wait for him."

She smiled sweetly, hope in her eyes.

"I'm sure he'll come back for you, and when he does, I'm sure that you two will be happy."

"What about you? What are you planning to do? I'm sure you want to leave this place, too."

"Of course I do. I do want to leave this place, see the world with my eyes, play music and live just as I wanted to."

"That sounds like a beautiful dream. I'm sure,you will be able to reach it."

"If we ever parted ways, let's just look at the sky, and remember these times we spent together. Although I can't even see that happening! Ahaha! Let's stay best friends forever, Saeran!"

"Best friend..." He chuckled, "Mm! We'll stay as best friends!"

"Then Saeran, I want you to promise another thing,"

"What... what promise?"

"I read this in a book I am reading, it goes like this. 'Promise me, no matter how much pain the world gives us, we will never give back the pain to anyone.'"

They both smiled

"Promise"

  
"Saeran... thank you."

The girl was smiling towards the sunset, it feels warm. He joined her as they both watched the sun go down and to be hidden by the mountains.

Little did he knew, that that afternoon, would be their last day to talk to each other.

That night, he heard the siren of the ambulance. Which was odd especially at their place and at the time of the night. He sneaked out of their house, his mother luckily asleep due to her vices.

She was crying, there was an indefinite amount of blood in her left hand, her eyes were closed, and he can hear the pain coming from her sobs. Saeran knew she was too mature for her age, never once did she hear her cry whenever she was physically abused in their household. She would always understand, or even blamed for something she did not do.

The pain in his chest seeing his best friend cry for the first time, was almost the same as when Saeyoung left their home. Saeran could not even begin to describe the pain, its even more painful He could only look as she was brought inside the ambulance. Saeran wanted to do something, he wanted to stay with her.

"Are you her friend?" A tall man approached him, definitely not her father.

"Wha... what happened to her?" He asked, hesitantly walking towards the man.

"She told me to give you this" a book of sheet music, the book she always brings whenever they would go into their garden to pick flowers and press them into books of any kind. He opened it, to find a pressed flower of Lily of the Valley along with the other flowers they picked together. But what caught his attention was the photo of them together.

"Is she... is she going to be alright?" He wiped the tears from his golden eyes.

"... let's pray that she will be." The kind man smiled, tousling his hair. "Keep this, and promise me that you'll be the one to give this to her, alright?"

"Please tell her to get well. Please take care of her, I don't want her to get hurt anymore. She was my only friend, please."

"Mm. Of course, starting today, I will take care of her. I'll make sure she no longer gets hurt. Now go inside, it is getting late." And that was the last day they saw each other.

* * *

  
  


He was deep in thought, he had kept this for over 8 years. Each page of the music book had turned yellow and old, Saeran still managed to keep the flowers pressed inside intact, although the long time it has spent inside the book made it more fragile than before. Their only photo was on the page of the music sheet of 'Salut d'amour'. He remembered her excitement the first time she showed this to him, saying it was the music sheets of her favorite pieces, compiled by her only mentor.

He brushed his fingers over the small note on the last blank page of the book, 'I'll play for you someday, Saeran!' which was written by her, that sloppy handwriting he barely understood before. She never played for him, in fear that her father might see her holding the bow and the violin. He smiled to himself, remembering the times they spent together when they were children. The days where their only form of support was each other.

The last time he saw her, was when she had bloodied hands and eyes. The image were still vivid in his mind. He never understood what she did to deserve such treatment from her own father, although it was her foster family. Saeran knew it was not the right thing. But who was he to think of right or wrong treatment for a child? Even their mother-- their real mother treats them as a hostage, a threat for their father's image. Always getting beaten by her, has to clean up after her. His eyebrows furrowed at the thought, of the suffering they had, he tried to shake away those thoughts. Saeran fixed his eyes on the setting sun on the horizon, before glancing at the RFA members on the shore, they were having a campfire. The sight was warm and fun, he smiled. Although it was a pat

"The sunset looks nice again today. Don't you think?"

Saeran almost couldn't believe his ears when he heard those familiar words again, after many years. He thought he was hallucinating, but no. In the corner of his eyes, he saw her, not as the child that she used to be, but as the strong woman she had always been. When he finally turned to see her, she was holding two tubs of Haägen-Dazs, cookies and cream. The same flavor she brought to their secret meetings years ago.

She offered the other tub to him, along with the spoon, and this time he didn't hesitate to take it. He mumbled a small thank you before indulging in the cold sweetness of the ice cream. It was just as he remembered it, the sunsets, and ice creams.

"That's my favorite flavor, it tastes great. I thought maybe you'd like it," she ate a spoonful of the dessert. Saeran smiled at the sight in front of him. It brought a nostalgic feeling. It's alright for him if she doesn't remember him. What's important was that, she got out of that place and that she was fine.

Saeran noticed that she favors her injured left hand from many years ago. It was resting on her thighs, barely moving. It must have been from playing last night. He never failed to remind her every single time not to play. But last night, she might have been caught by the pressure from RFA members. After all, they knew nothing about her. Except the fact that she is an artist. He deleted all of the data that his brother could find, he didn't want for other people to talk about her past, when she never talked about it. He grabbed the bandage beside him, before carefully wrapping it on her injured hand. Saeran nearly stopped upon seeing the huge scar on her wrist. It was the first time he saw it, and he couldn't imagine the pain she went through, from both the injury itself and the fact that she would not be able to play anymore.

"Really, you just wouldn't learn." He knew scolding her wouldn't help. She flinched as he continues tp wrap the bandage. Smiling bitterly, she answered him.

"You really do know everything about me. Normally I would've been creeped out."

"I'm the one who brought you here, remember?" He meant bringing her into the RFA, and bringing her into harm. He fell quiet upon realizing his mistakes.

"I... I'm sorry." I'm sorry I broke that promise, I'm sorry you became the subject of the pain I had all this time.

"Hey... stop apologizing. We're all good now. Thank you for doing this to my hand." She smiled,

"You can cover it with the sleeve of your hoodie, it. I only bandaged the wrist area so that it wouldn't draw too much attention. But you won't play reckless anymore, alright?" He felt satisfied at what he did. He knew very well that sge wanted to hide that scar of hers beyond the warm sleeves of her hoodie

"Thank you so much. By the way, why are you here? They're looking for you down there." She said,

"I'm not really sure if I should see the stunt my brother pulled again,"

"You mean him wearing--"

"Please don't" he stopped her before she could say anything else. If only, if only he could erase his brother's image on his mind. There's one thing that his brother didn't stop doing even after he stopped hacking; it was cosplays. He smiled to himself, as he continued to look at the family they had. It looked so happy, and complete.

  
"This... this looks oddly familiar." Saeran heard her mumble, turning around to ask her, he was not expecting what he was saw.

She was holding the book she gave him years ago. The corner of her eyes brimming with tears as she flipped each page, carefully tracing the fragile pressed flowers, along with the notes on each page. Saeran forgot to put it away, as he was too surprised earlier.

"I..." he was dumbfounded that he couldn't continue what he was going to say. He needed to think of an excuse. Of all things she has to see, it shouldn't be that music book. It would be too painful for her.

"I felt like I've seen this somewhere. I'm sorry, does this belong to you?" She hurriedly gave it back to him. She was trying to hold back her tears. As if she remembered something that shouldn't have been. Saeran stroked her back, trying to comfort her. Although he wasn't sure if it would be of any help. He gave her the glass of water that he brought for himself earlier.

"I'm really sorry. Hahaha maybe I just got to emotional since it's been ages since I saw music sheets." She is the one who tried making excuses, once she finally calmed down. But Saeran tried to get along with it, continuing stroking her back, she offered for them to join the RFA members as they have their campfire soon. Saeran nodded with a smile.

As they walk towards the shore, all he could see in front of him was the (Name) he used to know when they were children, walking towards the sunset, her eyes and smile that shows happiness, and at that moment Saeran made a me promise to himself, that he would protect her at all costs.

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Opposition and Debacle

This is it.

This is the day

The familiar feeling of uneasiness crept up to her. She sat in the corner of the waiting area. Although her face was the perfect calm look she could pull, the nervousness for Jihyun was something she could only keep inside. She was always collected and calm, even in situations that can be really dangerous, just like Jumin.

But not today.

Jihyun's surgery was scheduled on this day, he's inside the operating room for hours now. Zen was there to accompany her along with Jumin. She consider it a miracle that these two were also nowhere in the mood to fight or to have their usual banter. The three of them were waiting, for the surgery to be over, she kept on repeatinf in her mind the words of reassurance that Jihyun told her before he got inside the room,

"I'll see you soon," Jihyun never failed to remind her that everything will be alright. That he'll finally see the angel that saved him. In all honesty, she's not one, yet she let Jihyun think that way. She knew very well that it is her job to reassure him and to ease his nervousness. But it became the other way around,

"Hey, everything will be fine. The surgery will go well." Zen's arm was around her shoulder, she always find herself calm whenever the RFA members were around her. Having Jumin and Zen beside her was reassuring.

"Was I that obvious?" She asked him with a troubled smile.

"It's understandable, you don't have to worry about it." Jumin added, his arms crossed in his chest. It may not show but she knew he was just as nervous as they all are. She heard from Jumin that he got the best doctor for Jihyun. But somehow, that fact was not enough for her to completely calm down. The lack of sleep from nervousness was not helping either.

They heard the door open, she stood upon the sight of the doctor. Her heart was still racing, despite the contended smile plastered on the doctor's face. Which she knew, was an indicator of a successful surgery.

"The sedative is still on effect so he's still asleep. But the surgery went well. You all don't have to worry." The doctor said, and it was almost as if a heavy burden was lifted off her chest.

"By the way, Miss (Name)? Doctor Park wanted to see you in his office."

The mention of her doctor made her nervous, it must be something about her condition. They thanked the doctor, a few minutes later Jihyun was transferred to a private room. She asked Jumin and Zen to look after Jihyun while she visited her doctor.

-

"Hey, I know you are a very calm and collected woman, even in dangerous situations. Even now I still could not understand how you stayed so calm when there was a bomb in Rika's apartment." Seven said, she clasped her hands tighter, "But why are you so restless when in just a few minutes V will finally see you, clearly?"

Ah, how she wanted to know the answer to that.

A week had passed, and finally Jihyun will be able to see again. Everyone was inside except her and Seven, who decided to convince her to go and be the first person that Jihyun sees. The thought itself was making her uncomfortable. All this time that she spent with Jihyun still felt like a dream for her. It was not like of her to chicken out, Jihyun was just going to get his bandages removed, yes. But she was afraid that he'd get disappointed. Jihyun always mentions that she's an angel, like an angel blah blah. But no, her tacky hoodie, jeans eyeglasses and waves were not angel like at all. Though, she is very happy for him, that she could cry any minute from overwhelming happiness mixed with nervousness.

"You should go inside. I'll be there soon. Just, give me some time to calm myself."

Seveb tousled her hair,

"Don't worry. V does not really think of appearances. So let's go inside. Both of you have been waiting for this day,"

Before she could protest, Seven had dragged her inside. Screw it, she thought. What's important right now was for Jihyun to finally see the world again. There's no time for her to mope about her appearances and insecurities.

Peeking through door, she saw that the doctor had removed the bandage in his eyes, Jihyun blinked his eyes slowly. Must be because he was adjusting his eyes. She stood in the doorway for a good few minutes, they were too busy talking with Jihyun that they never noticed they were already there. It was beautiful, the sight in front of her was beautiful. Although her vision was getting blurry as each day passed, it was clear for her that he can finally see them, see the family he tried so hard to protect. With Jihyun's camera around her neck, she took a snap of the RFA members along with Jihyun.

The shutter of the camera suddenly made attention. Jihyun was now facing her, a surprised look in his face. Jumin had asked her to come closer to them, she could not move a muscle. Their piercing gaze made her stuck in her spot. She looked down, hiding her red face.

"What are you doing there? Come on!" Yoosung encouraged her to come closer to them. While her closest friend, Jaehee grabbed her wrist so that she can see Jihyun up close.

"Um... uh, hi I'm sorry to interrupt I didn't uh. Ahehe." She laughed awkwardly. That's very lame,

Zen a pushed her closer to Jihyun until she was on his bedside. She's still looking down at her hands. When she met his eyes, it was almost as if the world stopped for her. Her breath was caught in her throat, she couldn't move. She was too afraid to move, but there were tears of happiness in both of their eyes.

"Hi...?" She bit her lower lip, trying to start the conversation with him. Instead of answering back, Jihyun cupped her face, thumb tracing her eyes, nose and her lips. His eyes following each movement of his thumb, as if trying to remember something.

"Jihyun...?" She asked,

"It's you... it's really you." He answered a faint smile forming in his face. It wasn't a face of disappointment. What Seven said earlier was now something she understood.

Yes, they have both waited for this day.

"Mm. Can you see me now?" She chuckled.

"I can. Very clearly." He grinned, tears of happiness fell from both of their eyes,

"So V, what are your plans now?" Jaehee asked, breaking their little moment. She felt Jihyun hesitate with Jaehee's question. He never mentioned anything about what he plans to do after the surgery so she also wondered herself.

"I... I want to see Rika."

-  
The next day, they went to the hospital were Rika was confined. She's still undergoing therapy, and from what they heard she was doing fine. Seven and Yoosung went along with them. Mainly because they wanted to visit Rika too. A bouquet of narcissus was in her hands, a get well gift for Rika, it was her favorite flower after all.

When they went to see her, the nurse had asked for her first, despite the fact that Jihyun went to see her. She never really talked to the former RFA coordinator, and she had no reason to. Not that she dislikes her, but rather she understood the pain she went through. She understood so much that she was confused if she should sympathize with her or to apply logic to every action she did.

She went alone inside the visiting area. A nurse was outside to make sure that nothing happens as they talk. Rika was in front of her, a blank look on her face. Although she looked better than before. None of them spoke, not until Rika did.

"So I heard V-- I mean, Jihyun got his eyes treated."

"He did. He can see again clearly," she answered briefly.

"I thought he'd want to stay that way. To turn blind because he wanted to remember the mistakes that he did. The pain that I inflicted on him." Rika said, she felt her eyebrows twitch at what she said. It was wrong of her to assume that she had her beliefs changed but no. She kept her mouth shut. She did not want to trigger Rika. The RFA member was still unstable and undergoing therapy. She had to understand that much.

"Ah... it was your doing, wasn't it? Convincing him to get surgery. Why? Because he had the chance to see again, but you can't?" Rika's words made her confused,

"What do you mean?" She asked, her curiosity getting stronger. Does Rika know?

"You know exactly what I mean. I chose you after all. I know, that after losing the ability to play the instruments you loved. You were also bound to lose your eyesight. "

She could only keep her mouth shut. She had no reason to rebuke what Rika says. It was true. She losing her sight.

  
"Let me tell you something, V... once called me a daffodil. Why? Because he sees me as his inspiration, a symbol of new beginning. Just as he was to you, he became the light to you the moment you met him. You were submerged into darkness that all you did was cling into that single light. You desperately wanted to get out of there, in denial and wanting to be happy. Isn't it ironic? That you lost everything you loved so dearly, while here you are, struggling to keep going. When in fact all of your actions are futile? Hmp."

  
Her knuckles were turning white under the pocket of her hoodie. This is the gift of speech that Rika has, she thought, remembering what Jihyun said before. Of course, Rika would not be able to establish an occult if she wasn't good at convincing people.

"I heard that you are an artist, under the pseudonym of Lily of the Valley. Do you want to know something thatwe shared in common?There's a saying, it takes one to know one. Did you know? Both daffodil and lily of the valley are beautiful yet dangerous flowers. Yes, we are poison to him. We have the same eyes. Every time I look at them they scream of the darkness, the despair you had gone through. You seriously think, that you can be the light to him? You're not the one he needs. You'll also drag him into the depths of darkness just like I did. Now, if you want him to be truly happy, step out of his life." There was no sympathy behind Rika's eyes. (Name) had enough.

"... I see." She put the bouquet of narcissus into a vase. "Rika, I don't know what you see into my eyes, I'll leave it to your own interpretation. I am not the darkness, nor the light. As for V, I don't plan on being his light, or someone who can be by his side. I just want him to be happy and to love himself more, and I don't think he needs me in order to do that. So you don't have to worry." She said, with a tone of confidence in her voice. She stood up to leave. They no longer have to talk. (Name) has nothing to say to her, and Rika already said what she wanted to say.

  
She was absorbed by her own thoughts, yet she still managed to smile at Jihyun and tell him that Rika is ready to meet him. She can't have Jihyun worry over her now. She immediately went outside where Seven is waiting.

They were quiet for some time. She looked at the sky from the car. She sat on the passenger's seat. What Rika said earlier still taunting her. She was still deep in thought when she decided to have a breathe of fresh air.

When she came back to the car, Jihyun was already there along with Yoosung. She could tell that they were finally getting along. A thought suddenly came to her,

"Hey, why don't we celebrate tonight?" She suggested.

The three males immediately smiled at her suggestion,

"We already have everything prepared."  
-

Jihyun's house that night was full of laughter and smiles.

The night went on, with games of truth or dare and whole lot more. Along with Seven, Saeran, Yoosung and Zen they decided to take their games on Jihyun's balcony, they stared at the night skies while talking about random things. Zen was drinking beer while Yoosung and (Name) drank chocolate milk. Jumin, Jihyun and Jaehee were preparing some 'surprise' for tonight.

"How come I still don't have a girlfriend?" Zen whined,

"How come I never had a girlfriend?" Yoosung groaned. The twins pretended not to hear anything, but instead kept looking at the two in utter pity.

"Aaand here we go." She mumbled, chugging the chocolate milk from her glass. She was used to this, Yoosung and Zen whining on why they still don't have a girlfriend. Ever since day 1 they always whine about not being inlove. Was she tired of hearing this, yes. But she was used to it, in fact it is one of the reason why she would always make fun of them.

"Yoosung, want to switch that chocolate milk to beer?" Zen stealthily grabbed yoosung's glass from him, replaced by an ice cold can of beer

"I'm worried about him having an acid reflux, um. Incase you feel uneasy I brought my medicines." She said,

"Hey, you should drink too."

"No Zen, thank you." She declined.

"Hey, now that we are talking about lovers. Don't you think (Name) suits V?" Zen said out of the blue, which made her nearly choke the chocolate milk she's drinking.

"I think someone who suits Jihyun is... hm, someone sophisticated, you know? Graceful. That kind of woman with who has kind soul, understanding."

"Someone like Rika?" Yoosung said,

"... mm yeah. Yeah like her,"

"I also think you and V make a great couple I mean, you two cooking together earlier..." seven tried to pry into the conversation.

"No, I don't think he can see me in that way. And come on, look at me. I keep this tacky hoodie despite knowing that it is lame, but I still do wear it because it provides me comfort and warmth that I long for ever since I was a child. Point is, I am lame."

"Wow that was cynical." Zen commented, chugging down his third can of beer.

"Just kidding. Let's just cut to the chase, V deserves someone of his caliber. He's way out of my league, and give the man a time to move on. Just because we're staying under the same roof for three months doesn't mean that he already likes me. Let him take his time, and eventually he will find it in himself to love again."

"Hey, don't say that. You are amazing in your own way. I know V thinks so too." Zen answered.

"... wouldn't that be because there are too much similarities between (Name) and the Rika before?" Seven's question again made her remember again the words that Rika said to her.

"Now that you mention it..."

"Can we stop talking about (Name) and Rika? They are different people." Saeran said, nonchalantly scrolling on his phone.

Their attention suddenly turned into the sky when they heard a boom and a sudden flash of color.

The fireworks light up the sky in different colors, the smile of each RFA member was of genuine happiness. The atmosphere was warm that she almost forgot the things that she had to do. Maybe it was a good idea after all, to join them even though she had been feeling unwell that evening. Jihyun had his eyes fixed on the fireworks then to each of the RFA members, now that he can see clearly she felt as if Jihyun no longer needed her. After all, Jumin just asked her to stay with him until his surgery.

Jihyun wanted to see Rika as soon as possible. To be honest, it made things clear. Not that she doubts hom. No, she had no reason to. Their situation had been clear from the start. It is not that the RFA Leader loved her, right? She was just a temporary replacement to Rika. She just took her place as the party coordinator, and since then she had been living as the shadow of V's former lover.

She tried hard to supress her feelings, her feelings that went beyond from simply adoring him as an artist. The feeling of love she felt for him, she yearned for them to have that connection. But what made her think that?

Was it V's kindness, that gave her every reason to hope? Or was it her own self that made her assume things?

After the last firework went down, Jihyun called for the rest of them inside. Her heart raced,

"I want to thank you all for staying my by side after all this time. I am grateful that after all that happened, you all still decided to believe in me. Jaehee asked me the other day what was my plan after my surgery. In fact, I already have something in mind to do. And I apologize in advance for doing this again when I was only present for the last three months."

Still waiting for his announcement, she wished she had prepared herself for the next thing Jihyun was going to say.

"I... I am going overseas. In alaska, to be specific." Jihyun's eyes met hers for a brief moment,

"... and I decided that I am going to leave with Rika."


	9. Love's Sorrow

"... and I decided I am going to leave with Rika."

"I thought that maybe she still needed me, I'll be staying there with her while she receives treatment."

Of course V still needs her.

Everyone in the living room was too startled to speak. They all knew that the RFA members were feeling complicated about this, considering what happened months ago. The wound was still there, the deception and lies.

How was she supposed to answer? To wish them safety and happiness, when it's crushing her inside? To smile and congratulate him when all this time all she wanted was to run away? She had no idea what to do. She wanted to look fine, to feel happy for him but she couldn't. It's breaking her inside. It made perfect sense for her. Of course, V and Rika were unseperable. They were soulmates after all, and her love, will always be unrequited.

She wanted to be happy for V, but all she could ever feel was as if she was replaced. 

  
"Makes sense... of course." She mumbled, biting her lower lip.

A ringing of phone suddenly broke the silence. She took the phone from her pocket,

"Excuse me... I, I have to answer this." Her older brother calling saved her from the situation. She immediately went outside to answer it. Trying to keep herself from trembling she bit her lower lip.

"Hello? Mm. I'm fine, sorry I haven't been in touch. I'll be with you in a few days. By then, I'll have everything fixed, and I would be ready to leave. Mm, just pick me up at my old apartment, or I could come to you. I know, its too long. But I still have to take care of something. Alright, please tell him I'll see him soon. What? You transferred it to my account? Oh alright. I'll make sure to leave immediately." She kept the call short. It was the brother of her mentor, who took care of her ever since what happened 9 years ago. They took her as their adoptive sister.

"Well, it worked out fine. If... if he hadn't said that he'll leave that will make things very hard for me." She mumbled to her self, she looked at them through the glass window. Jumim was talking while the rest of them were listening. Their expression was still dark and gloomy.

She can't go back inside after all.

She's still wondering if she has to go back inside or to use this chance to run away and to have time for herself, even though they will surely look for her. Then she remembered that she left the window of her room open. She immediately went through the window to get her granfather's violin, purse and backpack, careful not to make any noise that would give way of her presence. She packed her belongings, and thought that she'd get them after a few days. Leaving only the things that V bought for her. V... that sounded much more appropriate than her calling his real name. She was about to go through her window again when she heard Zen's voice.

-

"V... I have nothing against you leaving with Rika and all, but don't you think this is too sudden? Shouldn't you have discussed it with (Name) first?" Zen said, a concerned look on his face. It's been a good few minutes since she answered the call, and she's not back yet. To be honest, Saeran didn't feel too good about what was happening. He wanted to punch V right in the face. They all knew, how she cared so much for their so called leader. She sacrificed a lot of things, yet here he is, just going to toss her and her efforts away like a rag doll.

"Not telling her was the best thing I could do for her." V said. And that was it.

"Not telling her? Don't you realize that you're doing it over and over again?" Yoosung said, his knuckles turning white "Didn't you even think how she'd feel about this?!" Yoosung stormed out of the house, followed by Zen who ran after him. The air in the room was tense,

"What a complete bullshit." Saeran whispered in a low voice. His hands was shaking, her image drenched in blood from saving V was all he could see.

"So you're just going to dispose of her since your eyes got treated? Since you don't need her anymore? You really are pathetic. You kept her by your side because you see the Rika you knew in her. You took her for granted, as someone who would take care of you because you can't see and she reminded you of Rika."

"Saeran..." Saeyoung came to stop his brother,

"Angel, you said? Don't make me laugh. She didn't stay to feed your selfishness. She stayed in hopes that she'd help you in finding yourself."

"... I don't need her to do that for me."

"We know. Yet you made her stay. I couldn't believe you. This is why I hate you. I always find you very annoying, and here I thought I could trust you with her."

"I'm sorry..." V said, looking down on the floor.

"V, you should talk with her." Jumin said.

"That's enough." Suddenly she stood there, holding a backpack and her violin case.

"This is... V's decision. We should respect it, this is how he wanted it. I know it would be a lot to take in but... if this is what he wants then there's nothing we could do about it. Let's support him instead." She gave them a faint smile, it was obvious that she was trying her best to hold back her tears.

"(Name)... I..."

"V was right, he... he doesn't need me to find himself, and its okay. It's alright, you know what's best for yourself after all." She gave him the best smile she could pull.

  
No one said a word when she went out of the door. No one tried to stop her from leaving, and Saeran knew very well that she needed time alone. Everyone kept quiet again, unable to say a word or two. What was supposed to be a celebration did not end up very well.

 

-

In the dead of the night, she came to her late parent's grave. She did not know where to go, all she knew was that she wanted to be alone just for a night. A lot of things happened in a single day, her first love was unrequited, she had to leave RFA in a few days, and she forgot that today was also the death anniversary of her mother and father.

She lost her real parents at a young age, and the only thing that she held dear in remembrance of them was the violin that her grandfather had before. Unlike her foster parents, they loved listening to her, and she loved playing for them, and now, will be the last time that she will do it again. Hugging her knees closer to her chest, she envisioned talking to them again.

"Mom, dad. You know, I saved someone. And it is actually a quite selfless thing to do. I didn't know I had that in me, and in the process of staying with him, I realized that I love him so much." She shivered at the cold wind that blew past her, it's always a convenient thing for her to wear her hoodie.

Maybe this is what should happen. Maybe she just wasn't good enough for V. Maybe she was just really too enthusiastic about helping V. Maybe she was really foolish to think that he'd reciprocate her feelings or even like her, it was foolish. Wiping the tears on her eyes with the sleeve her hoodie, she leaned her head on the gravestone of her parents. She always wished she had more time with them, but it seemed that her life was a series of unfortunate events.

"He has a really beautiful name. He's a wonderful person, he's a photographer, and a reliable leader. You would've liked him. Oh, wait what am I saying? I brought grandfather's violin, I'll play something for you. It's been... 13 years since I last played for the both of you." Every time she remembers the times they spent together, she could feel as if her heart breaks a little.

She opened the case of the violin, she was glad that it's still in good condition even though she rarely uses it. Tying her long, brown waves into a ponytail, she stood up before tuning the violin.

Liebesleid or Love's Sorrow, by Kreisler

But she never got to finish the piece.

She sat down again, putting her violin back into its case. Flexing her aching wrist she raises it up to the sky, revealing the scar when her foster father nearly chopped of her hand. The memory itself was still painful, it was when she felt the drop of rain.

"Mom, dad... the person I love still loves someone else, I wanted to be happy for him. I truly do, but I feel really hurt. I feel like I am being replaced easily. It's valid to feel this, right?" She sounded childish, she knew. But the time when she lets out her feelings was whenever she visits like this. The rain continues to pour, so does the tears from her eyes.

"Lately, I found myself crying too much. It's quite annoying actually. That man... made me soft again. It's bothersome. What am I supposed to do?" She sobbed, hugging her knees close to her.

It was just as Rika said. She finally got what the blonde meant, 'step out of his life'. Because Rika is the one that V needed, and it will never be her. She was too arrogant to think that she could help V find and love himself, and he already said it himself. The downpour of rain was getting heavier, and that was her reminder that she needed to go. Not to V's house,but to somewhere else where she can take a shelter.

The only thing she was thankful from todays events were that her backpack and violin case were waterproof. She managed to bring some change of clothes, she knew that walking under the rain will make her sick but she doesn't care anymore. She wandered the streets in the middle of the night, with ni particular destination. V can't look for her. Even if he does, she'll just try to ignore him. She had no courage to face him yet.

It is late, the streets were deserted and she had no idea where to go to. The only peoole she sees around her were eithef drunk or homeless. She sat in the waiting shed near a bus stop. Quickly grabbing her phone from her bag, she was surprised to see 60 missed calls, 30 of them were from V. And the rest were missed calls from the RFA members. There are also text messages from them. 

  
All the messages she received made here sigh. She did not want to see V for a while. She can't stay with Jaehee, Zen, or Yoosung. That will make things easier for V. The Choi Twins' residence... also has a chance that V was waiting there. Logged in to the RFA app to message each of them that she's fine.

She sent the message to Jumin, Yoosung and Zen. She rubbed her palms in hopes for warmth, she wanted to rest and just forget the things that happened that day.

"... finally found you."

Hearing that voice made her jerk awake. A familiar pair of mint eyes bore straight into her hazel ones. With an apolegtic smile in his face, he wrapped her with the hoodie that she left in their living room.

"V..." she said, although her voice was barely audible.

"Let's go home." He said, gently holding her hand. "Let's talk about it, please."

She didn't know if she was just really stupid to go home with him. But the ride home was unexepectedly quiet. She just stared out the window the whole time. V tried to talk with her but all she could give was brief responses.

She took a shower first and then changing into a new set of clothes. Definitely not into pajamas, she just went home with him to get her luggage.

She went to the the living room where V was waiting for her. She sat down across him, he spoke first, breaking the silence between them.

"About what I said earlier... I'm sorry for not telling you sooner."

"It's fine. I understand why you said that, and you're right." She continued to look down on her lap.

"V, I'm moving out."

"Why...?"

She was getting frustrated, because no matter where she goes he always finds her, and its making her hope, even though there's nothing to hope about. But no, she could never get mad at him. She's frustrated at herself.

"What is it? What is the reason why you need to leave?"

"V, you don't need me anymore. And I don't need to be here anymore."

She saw the flash of pain in V's face when she said his pseudonym. But it felt more appropriate, she's just a member, and not someone special.

"V, please. I respect your decision to leave, I really do, believe me. But from the start I'm not the one you needed. So please. If this about me saving you, then stop being guilty about me saving your life. Because that's what's you holding you back." The way she said those words were calm, and she knew it was an awful thing to say. V had done nothing for her but kindness, he had done nothing wrong. She's the one who's wrong for falling in love with him.

"That's not true," V sat beside her, trying to calm down her sobs.

"I'm... I'm the one who's holding you back, and I don't want to do that to you. The longer I stay with you, the more this hurts." She punched her chest where her heart lay. "You have Rika, V. You have her, and believe me I wanted to be happy for you. I'm sorry, I really am I sorry that I fell for you. I'm sorry that it had to be you. I can't get in the way... and, this really hurts, this whole ordeal that happened between us. This hurts so much."

She felt V's embrace on her, and it was both heartbreaking and comforting. Her cries were muffled on his chest. Staying in his harms made her realize that this man, will never be hers. She tried to force her mind and body to push him away,

"Stop being so kind to me, V." She smiled through the tears,

"I can't keep on loving you like this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg thank you so much to everyone who managed to read this far~ feedbacks are greatly appreciated!


	10. Heaven Knows

* * *

 

"I'm sorry for barging in your place like this."

Vanderwood shook off her apologies, his eyes were set on how few her belongings are. Two bags and one luggage. He managed to find her and to take her in last night, as per Saeran's request. He kept on wondering as to why Saeyoung's twin takes care of her much more than the other RFA members.

"So, why did you leave V's house in the middle of the night?" He finally managed to ask.

"I... well... something happened."

His eyes narrowed at her expression, she looked hurt, so he decided not to ask any further. Lighting a stick of cigarette, he looked at the window. The pouring rain actually made the atmosphere in the kitchen gloomy. He never mind the rain, but her sad face. That sad face left him feel awkward. Sure they talk, but was he supposed to comfort her? She kept on eating silently, her eyes fixed on the food in front of her.

"What are your plans now?"

"Well, I plan on looking for a new apartment today." She looked up to him.

"In this rain?" He asked again,

"Mm. I can't keep on living on other people's home," she lightly chuckled. Vanderwood can see through her that she is trying to force herself. He drank the remaining coffee in his mug, throwing the burnt out cigarette to the ashtray.

"Well, you are right. Ever since the whole ordeal with the Mint Eye and RFA you weren't able to stay in one place, moving from that woman's apartment, that rich kid's penthouse, hospital and then to V's house. That must be quite exhausting."

"It really is exhausting, to be honest. I lived in my old apartment for years. But now, I just want to have my old life back again."

Vanderwood couldn't help but chuckle at her answer, he kind of expected it. The exhaustion she was talking about was already clear in her face. Even the two of them weren't really what would they call close, she's the one that Vanderwood would call a 'friend' among the RFA members. After all what's happened it was enough judgment for him that she's one of the normal ones among them.

"If it helps, I know a place. But it's a house. Want to go there after this?" He offerred while putting the empty plates and mugs into the sink.

"Really?!"

"Yeah yeah, after all I still owe you that painting." He briefly looked over to his shoulder to look at the portrait painting of his dog. (Let's just think that he has a dog lmao)

"You know, that I still owe you your coat, right?" She said, bringing her own dishes to the sink, washing them along with his.

"Don't mind that. What's important was that you're breathing right now,"

she chuckled at his answer

"Thank you, Vanderwood." She smiled genuinely.

\----

"This is the house?" She asked, her eyes looking around the familiar bunker in front of them. She almost dropped the two bags at the sight, thinking of a perfect excuse to refuse in living with them.

"Yep. Well actually no--"

"Heheh this a joke right?"

"Do I look like I am joking?"

"But this is Saeyoung's house!"

"Well he's the owner of the house you are going to live in!"

"So I'm going to live in his house?" She went to the corner and hugged her knees to her chest, "do I look like some helpless pup that people just kept on passing around their homes?"

Vanderwood groaned, he was starting to get headaches.

"I didn't particularly say that you're going to live in his house. What I am saying is he is the owner of the house we are going to show you!"

"Oh."

The door opened just as she was about to say another word, Saeran was there, a look of relief in his face. Vanderwood thought he saw the light in her face, too.

"Saeran..." the way she whispered Saeran's name made Vanderwood think that there's some sort of close relationship between the two of them. He smiled a little to himself, Saeran's eyes bore a different gentleness than any other day that he saw him.

"(Name)..."

"Yo! Mrs. Vanderwood!" Seven poked his head through the door, his usual goofy self.

"Who are you calling Mrs. Vanderwood?!" He clicked his tongue in annoyance, "Well, I just brought her here. Show her your houses you dumbass. She needed a place to go home to. Gotta go."

"Alrighty~ (Name) come in to our humble home." Seven brought all her luggages inside. She gave Vanderwood a small thanks while promising to make it up for his kindness. The former hacker left afterwards, leaving the three of them.

She was expecting one of them to ask what had happened last night, why she suddenly ran away in the middle of the night. But none of them spoke of the said incident, instead, they welcomed her to their home warmly. Seven was preparing a movie to watch while the younger Choi twin was cooking something to eat. She had only been on Saeyoung's place once, and it was a mess. Now, the place looks orderly and clean. It always brings her joy that the twins were finally together.

Her mind wandered again upon seeing the picture frame in the living room, it has a photo of all the RFA members except her and Saeran. Her eyes were fixed on how V and Rika were so close, and looks so in love. She felt even more guilty for being selfish the other night, she of all people should understand him, and V had been in her mind since that morning, she wanted to apologize to him. For being selfish last night and for not even considering her feelings, after a good talk with Jumin through the phone earlier that morning she knew that she should have understood more,

"So, here's some blanket and pillow. We'll go to the house later on, is that alright?" Seven said, sitting down next to her.

"Thank you, and sorry for suddenly coming here." She answered, smiling wryly.

"It's nothing. Besides, we knew you left V's house again, but good thing we managed to ask Vanderwood to pick you up." Seven said, draping the blanket across their laps, making sure that it has enough space for Saeran.

"I made some popcorn." Saeran came to them while putting the popcorn in front of the TV. He sat next to hers, and Seven started to play the movie, 'Coco'  
___

  
V woke up to the usual routine, Except the fact the he was lonelier and that she was gone.

'V... I need you.'

Rika's words still lingering in his mind. He had meant to meet her just to say that he's sorry for everything that's happened, and that he wanted to live for himself from now on. After getting his eyes treated, the next thing he wanted to do was to see the world, along with (Name)

But it went the other way around.

Rika's doctor said that she refused treatment, and that Rika will only do it if V was there. Although she was somehow stable compared from the past few months, the therapy she had to undergo would greatly help her through her recovery.

"I promise to do all the treatments, V! Just promise me that you'll stay with me, please?"

"You're the only one I have now..."

It's as if those words were written on each wall or thing that his eyes into. He could not forget it, how could he? When Rika was once his world? When she was the person who made him feel whole? The one he promised to spend his entire life with, the love of his life.

And she still needed him.

Was it out of responsibility that he agreed to come with her while receiving treatment? Or was it out of love that seemed to still linger in the deepest corner of his heart? V has yet to find out the answer for himself.

When he went out of his room, he checked for the kitchen first, expecting a woman with long, wavy locks preparing breakfast for the two fo them, a usual 'good morning!' While she cleans her glasses that was covered in fog due to the steam, or maybe making hot coffee for him and milk for her, since she can't tolerate the acidity from coffee. But the kitchen was empty, there was no sign of her or freshly made breakfast.

V was used in living alone, even before he met Rika, even before (Name) came. But the unusual absence of the latter made the coffee he is drinking unusually bitter, maybe she spoiled him too much, always taking care of him, always looking out for him, always there by his side. And V became used to that, although there are times where his head was full of Rika's thoughts in the past three months, somewhere deep in his heart, he knew that he wanted to be always, always be with the woman who saved his life.

  
The sound of the rain didn't help in easing his loneliness. Bringing his cup of coffee he decided to look at the garden from his living room, the flowers she planted months ago was now in full bloom. Different variations from pink, white, blue and yellow adorned his once dead garden. His eyes darted back to the entirety of the living room, now that he can once again see clearly, he noticed that the whole house was clean. There's no speck of dust in the jars and even the picture frame where Rika's huge portrait was placed. Just thinking of how she must have bear the pain of having to clean the portrait of his former lover has brought a heavy feeling to his chest. He wished he had found out sooner, he wished he had known.

"I can't keep on loving you like this"

He would admit, that hearing her say those words made him too surprised, to the point of not knowing how to respond to her. He's still confused, of how he really feels towards her. V needed more time, she doesn't deserve someone who was having second thoughts when it comes to loving her.

Maybe Saeran was right, he really did took her for granted.

V stood up once more, proceeding to open the door of the room she occupied before. He found no traces of her, the room was clean, the sheets were folded neatly and the things he bought for her was organized in a box. Just a few days ago this room was full of life, with sounds of classical music and scent of lavender oil wafting around the room. But now, it was empty. The room and his house looked dull, and it was lonely.

He wanted to give both of them some time, and they both knew they needed it. But it felt wrong, he needed to talk to her at least before he leaves.

V went back to his room to call Luciel.

-  
"SAERAAAN!!" They both sobbed into his shoulders. They just got to that tearjearking part. Halfway through the movie Saeran swore that he saw the two of his companions were holding back their tears. Few more scenes later they were a sobbing mess. He immediately regrets switching places with (Name). Now his sweater was covered in tears and snot thanks to them.

"You won't forget me right? You won't forget your beloved brother right?!" Seven said, before reaching out to open his younger brother's hand "Always keep a photo of me in your wallet alright?! I don't want you to forget meeeee!"

Saeran was forever traumatized with what was supposed to be a 'photo' of his hyung.

"You really are an idiot. Why would I keep a photo of you dressed as a maid?!"

"But you blushed the first time you saw it, riiighhht?" His brother teased.

"Remember meee though I have to say goodbye~ waaaa!!" Seven sobbed loudly, hugging both him and (Name).

"No! don't forget him!" She sobbed to his shoulder.

Saeran noticed his brother's phone was ringing, "Hey someone's calling you."

Seven reached for his phone on the table, his expression turned into doubtful. Saeran felt the hesitation of his brother, his eyes looked at the only woman in the room. Saeran eyed him suspiciously, their focus on the movie now gone.

"Yeah... actually... I did know where (Name) is."

"Is that V?" She mouthed, her face not showing even an inch of pain or anything. Seven nodded hesitantly, sending a peace sign to his pouting younger brother.

"What does he want?" She mouthed again, Seven gestured that V wanted to see her, while she gave Seven a thumbs up, indicating that she agrees to see him. Saeran nudged her, his face showing concern.

"I'll be alright, don't worry." She said, but it didn't convince Saeran at all.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Sorry for making you worry." She smiled bitterly towards him, "I'll go and meet V, Saeyoung. Will you tell him to meet me at the usual place?"

\-------

She sat on the corner of the coffee shop. Her hands tapping the table impatiently while glancing at the wall clock every now and then. She'd been waiting for V for almost and hour now, and she really just wanted to get this over with. Tugging her navy blue sleeves to cover both of her hands, (Name) let out a long sigh. The smell of coffee makes her crave for the hot beverage, unfortunately she can only drink hot chocolate instead. The mood inside the cafe makes her want to sketch, along with the heavy feeling in her chest that she would like to name as her first romantic heartbreak. Maybe it would be a good starter pack to think of another subject for a new painting.

Grabbing her watercolor notebook and her pencil, she let herself immerse in the pain of unrequited love, and the melancholic music playing inside the cafe. The mood where she sat was perfect; the light pitter patter of rain against the window, smell of brewing coffee and the warm, bright lights. It's only been a few random lines when she became totally one with creating something anew. She let her emotions take over her while she continues to sketch, until all she wanted was to sketch what she envisioned. She wanted to portray the happy yet painful feeling of being in love,

'You're too emotional that's why you left V's house,' Jumin's words crossed her mind, 'that's understandable. But both of you haven't really sorted out the issue, right?'

Jumin was right; she never had V explain his side. In addition, (Name) never really meant to confess to him, she never thought of it once, but V's continued persistence made her say the affection she kept for months. She swore to herself to explain to V properly, and whatever feelings she has for the RFA leader was something she have to let go.

The sound of a shutter of a camera made her movements stop. She felt something similar happened before, so she looked up and there was V, holding his camera with an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, I can't help it. What you're doing earlier was the perfect look of passion." He said, pullinng the chair to sit in front of her. V tried to smile to her again, which she returned by smiling a bit forcefully, closing her notebook before putting it in her backpack. There was an air of awkwardness between them.

"New idea for your next painting?" He asked, attempting to break the tense air between them.

"Yes. The idea just came to me so..."

Silence filled around them once more.

"Listen, about what happened last night. I'm sorry, " he sarted off first, looking at the half full cup of hot chocolate. "For not telling you anything, especially me leaving so suddenly, and for everything I said to Saeran about you."

"What... what you said was the truth, and to be honest I knew it from the start, so don't apologize for it." She smiled, all she said was sincere. (Name) knew that she's not the one V needed at that time, and if he does really want to love himself he needs to do it with someone who he thinks could help him.

"Still, let me apologize to you... for not even being able to give an answer to your...confession" V's words came out almost as a whisper, if she wasn't paying attention to every word he says she wouldn't be able to comprehend it. After looking down for the whole time, she finally looked up to him,

"Could you give me an answer?" She met the eyes she fell in love with, although she knew the answer to her question, if it would make him feel somehow good about the situation maybe she should hear it. Besides, she also wanted to get rejected properly.

"To be honest, I don't know. I don't think I'm ready yet, and you don't deserve someone who is still uncertain about how he still feels about you. You deserve someone much better,"

"You don't have to push yourself too much V, and thank you for your honesty," hearing those words straight from his mouth made her blink back the tears she was holding back.

"I'm sorry..." he apologized again,

"V, are you happy?"

She knew that V knew what that question meant. V wavered at her question, she saw that, and it took a while before he got to answer her.

"...I am."

"I see, then that's good to hear. What I said last night still haven't changed, V. To be honest, I'm afraid, of what might happen with you. But I am going to support your decision, and I know the rest of the RFA will, too. Although it might take a while since this is too sudden."

"The wound of the deception and lies Rika and I caused were still there, of course. I also don't feel good leaving you all like this, but she needs me. Being overseas might also make me find myself and do the things I always wanted to do."

She nodded,

"If it makes you happy, and if it is for Rika's wellness then I am sure the rest of the RFA would understand too."

"Thank you, thank you for everything you've done for me."

It is breaking her, again. But she has to say her goodbyes to him. She cursed herself for being too emotional while talking to him.

"V, just take care of yourself. Don't make the same mistakes twice, or ever again. If something is bothering you there don't hesitate to reach out to any of us. We will help you, your family will help you, so please, promise me alright?"

He chuckled, his mint eyes already has a look of longing and gentleness in them,

"I promise."

That's all it took, and she can't look at him anymore. Letting him go like this was not easy, every fiber of her being wanted to touch him, to caress that hair and that face of his, to feel his body pressed against her just like that night in Jumin's rest house, she wanted to ask him to stay instead

But she can't. Gathering her courage, she looked at him again.

"That's good. So... that's all I have to say V." She said, "V, goodbye, and thank you too."

She stood up, leaving him behind. And  
V understood, why she left so suddenly. He never got to ask her what he wanted to ask,

  
_When the time comes, that I found it in me to love myself, will you wait for me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG THANK YOU AGAIN FOR READING IT THIS FAR. sorry for the VERY long chapterr~ feedbacks are greatly appreciated~


	11. Yellow Reunion

"Why do you like daffodils so much?" The boy asked, wide eyed as he gave her the yellow flowers.

"I don't know,really. There's no specific reason, I think?" She smiled back, pressing the flower in the sheet page of Salut d' amour. Her hands tracing the carefully pressed flower.

"Here," he reached to give her the last flower they picked for the day. Carefully closing her music book to press the flowers in their pages.

"Don't forget me. Promise me." She said,

The red headed boy smiled back at her, giving her an enthusiatic nod. They both held out their pinky fingers, promising that neither of them would forget.

.  
.

"Gimme some money, you good for nothing!"

Slap. Kick. Choke. Repeat.  
Bruises covered her body, from head to toe.  
Live. Work. Study. Repeat.

"I don't have any money left. I paid it for my school expenses."

"You're talking back now?! You're just a big nuisicance in this household! If you don't give me money, let's just might as well break that damn violin of yours!"

This is too much for a child. Too much for a 12 year old. To have a drunkard of a father who abuses her physically and emotionally. But what can she do? She had no one.

Her lack of reaction made her father furious, she had nothing to say. Did she felt helpless? Yes, somehow, what kept her sane was her dream, to live like what she told her only friend. It's always him, that she still kept her kindness, her will to live.  
The everyday routine doesn't faze her anymore, in fact she get used to it. But the same thing happening every single day or other day is sickening for her. Some days she just want to end her life, some days she wanted to truly live. But most of the time, she just felt like an empty vessel.

"ANSWER ME YOU BRAT!" He kicked her side, making her fall down on the floor.

"I... don't have any."

"BULLSHIT! YOU MAKE BIG MONEY WITH THAT PLAYING OF YOURS. YOU ALWAYS HAVE MONEY!"

"I swear nothing left!" She heard the heavy breathing of her father, so she closed her eyes, waiting for that beating for the week. Only to hear the sound of her door closing. It's too soon to be relieved, it's too soon. It was like the calm before the storm. She went back to her bed to get the flip phone her mentor gave her, dialling the number 1

"Teacher... please don't end the call just yet. If something happens, you're the only one I have." She managed to say calmly even though every part of her body shakes. Her side that was kicked earlier was aching too much for her.

She kept the phone hidden under her sheets, reaching for her violin case and the music book; her most beloved treasures. Waiting... and waiting.

And then he came.

(Name) flinched as she saw how aggresively the door to her room flung opened. Her father pulling her hair until he managed to drag her in the hallway.

"I'LL JUST BREAK THAT ARM IF YOU KEEP ON RESISTING!" He held a baseball bat, her father's eyes had that menacing glint in them. Her hold on the said belongings tightened. She curled herself into a fetal position, her left side facing his father. That's when she felt a numbing pain in her left arm, then to her side, back to her arms again, and vice versa. Another one, and another one, and another one. Until each beating felt more painful than before.

Everything was in slow motion, only one thing in her mind; to protect what her real family has left her. Tears were flowing from her eyes non stop. Her hoodie and clothes tainted in crimson, dyed in her own blood. She couldn't care less. 5 years was enough. She had enough.

She wanted to die.

"Kill me." She managed to say between sobs, holding her broken left arm, where she felt most pain on her wrist, she winced, "Just kill me, please." She sobbed, "I beg you, Just let me be with my parents," And that's when she knew, what she wanted all this time. The conversation she had with her friend earlier that day replayed in her mind;

" _What about you? What are you planning to do? I'm sure you want to leave this place, too."_

_"Of course I do. I do want to leave this place, see the world with my eyes, play music and live just as I wanted to."_

_"That sounds like a beautiful dream. I'm sure,you will be able to reach it."_

_I'm sorry. That was all a lie. After all, what I really wanted was just to die._

Just as she was waiting for another blow from her father, the main door was opened, she heard siren and a color of red flashed before her eyes. Number of men entered their house. It was all a blur, but she saw the police took away his father, while her mentor hurriedly came to her side.

"(Name)...?" He called out, desperation in his voice, hoping to get a reaction from her. She sobbed harder, using every bit of her strength to scoot to the lap of her mentor. She screamed the pain coming from her broken wrist and from the miracle that he came to save her.

.

.

"(Name)...?" That familiar voice made her come back to reality. Her mentor-- her now older brother was on his bed, looking weaker as each day passed. Her throat went dry as she went closer to him, taking a seat beside his bed. She lost count of how many times she saw the same scenario over and over again. Her cold hands find their ways to his, intertwining his slender fingers into her own ones.

"Seon ho Oppa." She managed to say, even though she was trying so hard not to sob at the sight of him.

"Ah... you rarely call me in that name." His eyes were half closed, squeezing her hands lightly. "Welcome home, I'm glad you came to visit me."

"Hyung, you shouldn't talk much. You have to rest for now. (Name) will never leave, rest assured." His younger brother-- Seon Joo said.

"Mm. You should rest, just like what Seon Joo said. I'll be here when you wake up." She reassured him.

Seon ho smiled a little, before closing his eyes. Once they are sure he was fast asleep, Seon Joo's cold piercing glaze landed on her. She fiddled with her fingers, she looked up to see her brother gesturing that they talk outside.

She followed him in the dimly lighted hallway of their home, it's been 3 months since she last came to visit, and honestly nothing has changed. She looked around before bumping on to Seon Joo's back.

He closed the door of his study before locking it, his eyes have been closed for a while, as if trying to calm himself down. He was mad, she figured out that much. As for the reason, she has yet to find out.

"I'm surprised you still remembered to come home," Seon Joo said, a glass of whisky in his hand. His back facing her, "You must know that I know what happened, right?" He emphasized, his eyes finally looking at her direction.

"Seon Joo?"

"What do you think you're doing, risking your life for a stranger you just met?" Her brother's voice sounded so calm, yet terrifying. The kind of calm before a storm. Of course, how could she forget? Seon Joo works as the head of the hospital where she was confined, aside from that, their father was also the head of the National Defense. That much information cannot slip easily, even with Saeyoung's skills.

"On top of that, the partner of the leader of a cult. A cult, that drugs people to join in order to be 'saved'" his cold gaze never left hers, which was very new to her. Seon Joo and her were undeniably close, ever since she came to their household their family showed nothing but kindness. She understood very well where his point is coming from, so she waited before answering him.

"Seon Joo, will you listen to me first?"

He took a deep breath as he sat down in front of her, the gesture was enough for her to figure out that he agrees. She promised them that they'd never keep anything from each other. So she told him everything, from day one until the recent events.

Seon Joo listened to every word she said, he stood up, to look at the lights of the city. She continued to look on her lap, expecting that he is still mad. (Name) understood much how it meant for them, their family saved her from dying, gave her the family she once had.

Hands reached out to hers, Seon Joo was looking down, thumbs tracing patterns on the back of her hand.

"You had no idea how scared I am, how scared we are." He said in a quiet voice, "you are our only sister. We love you very much, I wish you'd take care of yourself more."

"Seon Joo..."

"About your eyes, and your wrist, I'll do whatever I can." He said, finally looking straight at her. "We will be able to play together again, I promise."

She was glad to have been able to find the only family that truly loved her. She embraced Seon Joo-- the sibling she never had before. When they broke apart from each other, Seon Joo handed her a photo.

"About that kid, the one you were friends with; I found him."

She looked at the photo, and it revealed to be the familiar man she was with a few hours ago.

"Saeran?"

 

\--  
The pouring rain didn't stop her from going to him. She stood outside the twin's bunker, her hands shaking and excited. They searched for a long time, the puzzle pieces are all coming together. How could she miss it? He was right in front of her all along. That music book, that music book she saw that day; he still kept it. Just as promised, he never did forget her, but how could she?

Gathering all her courage, she tried to knock at the door, only to be greeted by few,hard questions. She was about to call Seven to open the door when it flung open to reveal a rather annoyed Saeran, nagging his brother to 'open the door immediately if it is (Name).'

"Saeran." (Name) muttered, suddenly she felt nervous. After all, she just found out that he is the childhood friend they looked for in years. Leaving only but the music book as the lead to him. It was a very hard search, at some point she wanted to give up but here he is, right in front of her.

"Hi, I thought you'd be staying with your family tonight?" Her thoughts were abruptly stopped when Saeran asked, tilting his head to the side.

"I am, it's just I needed to talk to you about something."

"Oh, well come in." He gestured her to come with him inside, gently closing the heavily secured door behind them. Seven was munching Honey Buddha Chips while playing LOLOL. The older twin gave her a salute as a greeting before going back to playing.

"Let's just talk at my room since Saeyoung will for sure bother us. Would that be alright?"

"Yes, of course."

The moment she went inside his room, she tried to look for a specific, worn out book. Saeran, on the other hand prepared some snacks for the two of them. Looking around his room made her feel nervous. What is she going to say to him first? How is she going to talk to her about the topic?

"(Name), are you okay? Did something happen while you had a talk with V?"

She smiled, shaking her head no.

Her eyes looked around the room once more, before she spotted the old, music book on the top shelf. She took it before giving it to him, leaving Saeran surprised. Taking out the bookmark of yellow daffodils dated back to 8 years ago, she showed it to Saeran, flipping carefully through the page until it reached the score for 'Salut d' Amour'. Tracing the pressed flowers, they both looked at each other, their eyes tearing up, as if something had clicked, a puzzle piece was in the right place.

"Someone from my age, 8 years ago asked me if what my dreams were. If I wanted to leave a certain, dreadful place. To be honest, Saeran, I didn't know what to answer him back then." She started to speak, breaking the silence between them.

Saeran looked at her with his earnest, mint colored eyes, curious to what she's going to say next.

"That boy... we are each other's support since then. For a long time, he waited for his brother to come back, he loved ice cream just as much as I do. We both love the sky and the flowers. Even though we were unfortunate with our parents, he kept his hope while I was close to wanting to end mine." She trailed off, thumbs brushing against the book. Looking up to him with a apologetic smile, she waited for him to respond.

"You..." Saeran said on a hushed voice. He tried not to confirm it, he tried to deny it. But what's the use?

She can always see through him after all.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to remember you. I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly, I'm sorry for forgetting you. I'm sorry, Saeran." This time, she sobbed. It was full of guilt and loneliness, that seemed to pile up over the last eight years.

"You don't have to remember me... you know?" Saeran whispered, his hand wiping the tears from her cheeks. He's also crying; and he wouldn't deny it that he was happy that finally, she remembered him.

She shook her head, wiping Saeran's tears. It was an emotional reunion for the two of them. He knew everything, that's why he kept it a secret on who he is. Because of the partial memory loss she had due to the trauma. Saeran knew, that he was a part of the memory she wanted to forget, and so she did. But he didn't know that she struggled on searching for him, that after all these years, she always knew him and remembered atleast, a memory of him even though it was vague.

"I didn't want to forget you. I swear--"

"Shh. You don't have to say anything. I know, I know." He gently smoothed out her hair, before pinching her cheeks, making her smile. They broke into silly grin with their eyes puffy from crying. They looked back at the music book and the single photo that they had from their childhood. That night, it was as if like another promise was made between them; altough it wasn't vocally said, they knew that at the bottom of their hearts, they would make it up with the lost time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for focusing on the MC's past too much ;_; i tried to avoid it but I HAVE TO include it in order for the story to progress. Thank you for reading this far and feedbacks are greatly appreciated~


	12. Farewell

"A party?" They all asked in unison. The RFA chatroom was busy, just like any usual day. Even more so when Jumin mentioned that they were invited to a Party that C&R were going to hold.

Zen: a fancy party, huh?

Jaehee: It's just like the RFA parties. You should go, Zen! I'm sure there would be a lot of possible sponsors for you there!

Yoosung: I get that Zen should go there, but should the rest of us be there?

Jumin: Father told me himself that I should invite the rest of the RFA members.

Saeyoung: Oh! We really are invited!

(Name): It would be a great opportunity to look for potential guests for the next RFA party~

Jumin: It's just as she said. You should all come, there will be a after party for V, too. Since he'll be gone for a while.

Name: sounds nice! I'll definitely make time for it. Wait, let me check first.

Logging out of the messenger, she sent Seon Joo a message asking if she can go on the same date. It wasn't even a minute when he replied, telling her that that she can't since they have to attend another party on the same day.

(Name): I'm sorry Jaehee, Jumin. I can't go to the party.

Jumin: For what reason?

(Name): My siblings and I also have to attend a party on that same day. They didn't tell me where, they just told me to come.

Jaehee: You have siblings?

(Name)Oh, I have. Three brothers. They were often overseas. Although I'm adopted, I'm very close with them.

Jumin: I see. That's too bad, maybe you could atleast make it to the after party.

Saeyoung: You HAVE SIBLINGS!?!

(Name): yeah i do. Anyway gotta go byeeee

   
"Gaaaah." She let out a sigh.

"What's wrong?" Saeran asked, moving her heavy boxes inside the house. She moved in on the new apartment that Seon Ho doesn't use anymore, although she still stays with her family as per Seon Joo's request. She left her phone on the kitchen counter, letting the other RFA members talk among themselves.

"C&R were having a party and we are all invited. Then there will be an after party for V." She answered while taking out the her things for the kitchen. Saeran soon joined her, helping on putting them on the drawers and sink

"You don't want to see V?" He asked bluntly,

"It's not uh. No use lying to you, well there's also that reason. It's just... you know how my brother was, right? I just asked Seon Joo today to let me move to a new house. But after today I'll be staying with them before they go back overseas. I'm sure Seon Joo will not allow me to go. His orders were always absolute. Besides, we also have to be somewhere on that day. She sat down on the couch, looking up at the ceiling

"He's that strict, huh. Seon Ho... how was he doing?" Saeran asked again, he was preparing something for them to drink, she looked over at his back. Thinking of how much he's grown, sure, Saeran was always thin ever since they were kids. He's still a bit thin compared to his brother, but he's a man now, (Name) couldn't help but smile.

  
"The doctors said he's doing a lot better now, unlike the past months. I'm relieved, and hoping that it continues. How did you know about him?"

"I... you see, the day the accident happened, I came out of my house upon hearing the ambulance. I saw you and, he's the one who gave me the music book."

She smiled, remembering that day, unconsciously running her right hand to her left arm where the large scar was. After what happened, she was still thankful.

"I'd have to thank him later for that. If it weren't for him I'm not sure if we would have found each other."

Saeran sat down, handing her a glass of orange juice.

"Mm. I'll thank him, too."

  
\--  
They all stood, in front of each other (Name) with her three brothers beside her, while the whole RFA looks at them with both surprise and delight. But she was more surprised at V, who had his eyes on her the whole time. She smiled at him, and he gave her one back which surely sent her into a crimson shade. His looks that night didn't help at all. She is still inlove with him, yet she couldn't possibly show it now, not now. To her luck, Jumin stepped forward, exchanging a formal greeting with Seon Ho.

  
"It's a pleasure seeing your family here, Mr. Park. I'm glad you were able to come.".

"My pleasure, Mr. Han. Thank you for the continous support to our hospital and for inviting us here in this fabulous party. These are my siblings. I'm sure you already know our twins, Seon Joo and Seon Jae. While this young lady here is our sister, (Name). She doesn't go with us often in parties like this." Seon ho introduced her to them.

"Actually, we do know her. Let's say, she's our party coordinator." V smiled,

"Oh, you mean you're all members of the RFA? Thank you for taking care of my sister." Seon Joo's words were cold, yet his face aren't. Both (Name) and Seon joo looked at the blonde woman who was with them. The tension started building up between them.

"Say, Jumin. Do you remember what we talked about the other day?"

"Oh, right. Of course. Just tell me whenever you're ready."

An exchange of pleasantries before the two groups parted ways, (Name) went with her brothers. She hasn't seen the Choi twins that night, and the rest of the RFA members looked down, it might be due to the fact that Rika was with them.

She sat down, along with Seon Joo who was quiet the whole time. Her two other brothers talked to the other acquaintaces. She quietly looked at the guests. But her mind was still wandering.

"Heyyy I'll perform a piece later! Seon joo, will you play the violin?!" Seon Jae exclaimed happily, the annoyed older twin answered non chalantly,

"No. Something happened at the hospital and I have to go now."

"What?! Nononono stay here! Have the other doctors do your job!"

"Well how about you do your job and get a responsible accompanist? Hah, Hyung, (Name) something happened. I have to go." Seon Joo said, as he bid goodbye hurriedly to his family.

"Fine. I'll play." Seon ho immediately stood, making her panic. Her brother already looked so pale and tired.

"Seon-ho oppa, should you really do this? You don't have to, you look so exhausted already."

"Seon Jae's accompanist couldn't come.It's something urgent, we can't let him perform on his own now, I have to be his violinist."

"What about Seon Joo?"

"Had to leave. Emergency at the hospital."

"What's the piece?" She asked,

"You don't plan on playing, do you?"

She nodded, unconsciously hiding her scar from sight, Seon ho let out a sigh, unconvinced.

"I can manage. Seon Jae will play the piano, right?"

"Not convinced."

"Please, you should take a seat. You've been walking around here the whole night. It would take a toll on your body."

"I didn't know that my student and sister was such a nagger. You were such a quiet child before. Alright, Sibelius's pieces for Violin and Piano, Op.79. Souvenir and Berceuse. I'm letting you do this one time. Relay a message for Seon Jae for me, will you?"

"Of course,"

"If something happens to your hand, he has to take responsibility. No. Matter. What. It's his own negligence for getting an accompanist without any sense of commitment."

"Oh strict as ever. I didn't get any accompanist. I forgot about it. Sorry." Seon Jae, popped out of nowhere. His goofy personality nowhere near like his twin, Seon Joo.

"I may be feeling weak but I still have enough strength to break your arm, Seon Jae.

"Now you've done it. Let's go before he actually does it."  
-

"Seon Jae. Do you want to do it?"

"Mm? Do what? Run away while we still have the chance?"

"No you idiot. Chopin ballade 1 in g minor op 23, and Salut d'amour. I want to play for Seon ho and someone important to me."

"Well... you know I'm really sorry I have to drag you into this. Seon ho was right. I should have gotten an accompanist but what you're asking, isn't it a bit too much? Four pieces in one night, what about your wrist?"

"Don't worry about it. It hasn't even hurt yet." She grabbed his violin from him. She stood in.the backstage as she heard the applause from the party guests. She was nervous, yet excited. She always wanted to play for her brother and Saeran, now, it wasn't impossible.

-  
A sudden applause from the guests echoed throughout the entire hall. The lights dimmed, which made them all surprised. Saeyoung, urged all of the members to go to the front of the stage where they could see the final performance of the night.

The spotlight focused on one person. A young man, in front of a grand piano. Which the RFA members recognized as (Name's) sibling. Their interests were piqued when they all agreed that she came from a family of musicians. He played in a different yet almost the same way as his sister, they thought. The piece was full of emotion and pain of having someone leave you for good.

"Chopin ballad no. 1 op 23." Seon ho came to them, looking proud at his sibling, especially looking at V, who was amused at what he said.

"The name of the piece. Your mother, who was also my teacher back then always played the violin accompaniment while I play the piano." He said, a nostalgic look on his face. "You really do resemble her. You were in middle school the last time I saw you, Jihyun."

"Mr. Park. Yes, it's been a while. I didn't know (Name) was your sister. You were too busy earlier that I forgot to greet you." He greeted him formally, "A lot of people say that to me. But I didn't get any of her talents in music." He smiled shyly.

Seon ho chuckled, "at least, you got a taste for arts. I'm sure you inherited that from both of your parents."

V resumed watching, in awe of the piece. How can something so beautiful could sound so sad?Halfway through the piece, another spotlight was lit. This time, focusing on a woman. Seon ho gasped, the RFA members couldn't hide their surprise when they saw her on the stage, holding the violin, as if she and the other man was the only people in the room, she glanced at him, and then they nodded at each other while he plays.

Then she started.

The sweet yet melancholic tune came from her playing. (Name) looked at the violin. Her immense concentration unbreakable. Her posture was of perfect elegance, that matched the mood in the entire room and the piece perfectly. The navy blue dress making her look like a goddess of the night who descended from the skies, adding to the sophisticated feel of her playing. The fluid movements of bow and her fingers captivated not only her closest family members, but also the entire room. The emotion she conveys added to the sweet and painful melody.

V couldn't take his eyes off her, stunning was an understatement. The fact that she's playing the pieces in a way that is also invigorating yet calming was making him feel intrigued. He could watch her play all night, the way she closed her eyes and the occassional small smiles showing satisfaction was making him feel happy for her. He couldn't help but to smile proudly as his eyes were set on her and her only.

V could see her brother, Seon ho looking complicated yet at the same time proud of his siblings. He looked serene, as he smiled, listening and watching them. V was so engrossed with listening to them that he didn't notice the piece ending, they all applauded. And when they thought they were done, she started again.

A romantic piece, Salut d' amour.

An arm linked to his own.  
He looked down to see Rika, looking at him with a loving smile. He couldn't help but blush lightly at the contact. V looked back up at the stage, and his mint eyes met with (Name)'s.

She smiled lightly, playing the piece in a sweeter way. He felt her pain, hidden behind that smile. He was afraid to shrug his former lover, in fear that she might cause a scene. Looking the woman in the stage, he sighed in defeat.  
-  
The party ended and they were all in Jumin's penthouse, a small after party was held for V and Rika's departure. (Name) sat outside his rooftop garden, playing with Elizabeth the Third. It would be a lie if she said she were fine with being there but, she couldn't seem to forget Rika's words from back then.

Elizabeth seemed to enjoy the string she always brings whenever she stops by Jumin's house. Out of all the members in the RFA, she's the only one allowed to visit her aside from V. She let out a giggle, watching as the cat curled up to her lap. Petting the cat's white fur, she let out a yawn. (Name) always loved Elizabeth. Although she still couldn't see the likeliness of Rika and the cat that Jumin treasured so much.

The city lights suddenly became more blurry as she felt quite dizzy, thinking it could be due to her eyes. The cat jumped down, running back inside the room. She made no effort to chase after her. Instead she blinked her eyes repeatedly, hoping to shake of the dizziness. Before closing her eyes completely.

"... I guess I have to get used to this darkness. Damn my wrist hurts." She tapped her left wrist lightly. The exhaustion and the heavy feeling in her heart was all she could feel. She really wanted to sleep.

She felt a tap on her shoulder. Letting out a groan, she opened one eye first before taking a good look at the person.

"You should go back inside. Don't worry about me. I'm just taking a rest." She said, closing her eyes again. The man smiled bitterly, before taking a seat on the empty space beside her. Thankfully, it was dark enough on the garden that V couldn't see her blushing face. He looked too good tonight, too much for her to handle. His mint hair was slicked back, his black suit and gray vest suited him perfectly. She sat upright, opening her eyes and letting her hair hide her face, looking down at her own, bruised feet thanks to the heels she wore the whole night.

"Are you alright?" He asked first. "You went straight here when we arrived."

"Yeah, I'm exhausted. I just wanted some quiet time. I played four pieces in one night. It feels new to me to be honest." She answered, looking at the city lights and the skyscrapers. She can feel his gaze on her, which made her feel flustered. Fighting off the fast thumping of her heart, she looked at him.

"Hey, stop looking at me. I know I look so weird tonight. Wearing a hoodie over a dress." She said, fixing her gaze again on the distance.

V chuckled, amused at what she said.

"Yes, but it's you. You'd choose simplicity over discomfort."

Silence.

They knew to themselves that talking alone was an awkward decision. Whether it they had more things to say or none at all.

"So you play the violin?"

"Used to play when I was young. Stopped when I hurt my wrist. I always listen to your mother. She was one of the best musicians I know."

"About Rika..." V started off, his eyes looking hesitantly at (Name)

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it sooner."

She bit her lower lip, trying to stop it from quivering due to the cold air and to where this conversation is going. Turning her body towards his, she spoke, looking at his mint eyes intensely.

"I may sound selfish but... to be honest, I don't want you to go with her. Not because I don't want you to go, or I don't want you away from me. It's not also because of jealousy. I know you've been hurt by her, more than we could imagine. If you want to leave because you think that's best for you, then I don't have anything against it. I'd definitely see you off with a smile on my face. But leaving with her, staying with her. It's not good for you, V. We all know that."

He kept on listening. Every word she says he keeps in his mind, trying to understand her point of view.

"I know that being with her keeps the heavy feeling in your chest, the guilt, the pain. I don't want you to feel that everyday. You've suffered enough. It's time you take some rest."

"Thank you, for letting me hear what you feel about this. I've thought about it for a long time,for a month. But it seemed that I could never find out the answer for myself." He reached for her left hand and intertwined it with his. She flinched at the contact,

"If you're going to leave, do it for yourself. I wish nothing but for you to see all the places you wanted to see. Remember all the details, from small to big; take photos, cherish the moments, each morning until night. V, let the beauty of the world make you feel alive again, just like you did. Let the people you meet and the sceneries you see fill your eyes with life once more. Find your purpose and finally live your life. Take your time, heal, start painting or whatever hobby you wanted to start, and I'm sure, everyone will welcome you warmly again. Also, please take care of yourself, I mean really take care of yourself. Mentally and physically. "

She smiled bitterly, and that's when he snapped.

He enveloped her in a crushing embrace, not caring if the whole RFA or Rika, might see them. It was very clear for him now; he didn't want to leave her.

V took in her scent, the crisp and clean cotton scented perfume she always wore and the faint scent of her vanilla shampoo. He buried his face on the crook of her neck, trying to contain his feelings and trying to hold back his tears, V needed to strengthen his resolve.

"V?"

He broke away from the embrace, his hand moving to the small of her back and the other to cup her cheek. His eyes made sure to memorize every part of her face. V leaned their foreheads closer, their lips only a few inches apart. (Name)'s eyes were closed, her face tilted sidewards as if avoiding to look at him.

V wanted to stop, but he just can't. Everyone in the RFA, including Rika was with them. They all might see how affectionate his actions were towards her. Yet, it felt like if he didn't do it, he'd regret it. He's going to leave her, for who knows when. He still need to fix himself, and he needed time.  
He searched for the love that was in her eyes, and it is still there. He didn't want to leave her, and those words came out of his mouth before he stopped it.

"I don't want to leave you. Stay with me, I want you beside me."

"V, when you say something like that, it sparks my hopes up. So please--." She mumbled, looking down at her dress. His eyes widened at what she said. He could hear the pain coming from it.

"I know how you really feel. And I understand. You don't... have to pity me like that." She met his eyes with a smile,

"I..."

"You know I still love you, V. So, you don't have to feel burdened."

"Don't say that."

"What?"

"Don't say it as if you're not important to me. Things right now were still a mess, but my feelings-- just because I can't say those words to you yet doesn't mean you're not special to me."

Her face twisted into confusion,

"V, what are you saying?"

"I'm asking you to wait for me. When I find it in me to love myself, can you wait for me?"

Mint eyes were earnestly searching hers for an answer, she knew them very well. And even though she knew this might be the last time they see each other, she responded V with a sad smile,

"Waiting for you is nothing. I can wait, I've waited for you for years and I wouldn't mind waiting for more." She cupped his face, bringing their lips closer. None of them made an effort to move away from each other. V felt warm, he wanted to be more closer to her. The hand that was in the small of her back pulled her closer to him,

"V, before you leave, I'd like to apologize in what I'm about to do."

She leaned forward, closing the gap between them. Seeing V's face was the last thing she saw when she closed her eyes, feeling the soft lips of the man she loves on her own. It was her first kiss; and it was meant to be a peck since she had no idea. But V responded to the kiss, gradually deepening it, tilting his head and putting his hand on the back of her head, guiding her. Hands clutched his vest. She slowly feel weak. If they were to use words, the kiss felt sweet, innocent and feeling the desire all at once. Once they were out of breath, they broke apart, letting their foreheads touch with a touch of red in their cheeks.

"Take care, okay? Please V. Take care of yourself." She whispered

"I'll come back home to you, I'll write letters. Please wait for me."

"Mm. I will."

They took separate ways that night, but the warm feelings she had on that night was easily replaced by despair.

  
And on the day of V's departure. She didn't show up, neither she or Saeran showed up.

V left his heart behind Korea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG sorry for the late update! Thank you to everyone who are reading this. Hope you like this chapter! Comments are greatly appreciated.


	13. Light and Daffodils

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passed by so quickly that when V came back, everything changed.

"Is (Name) and V still on bad terms?" Yoosung asked, his head hung low. V and Rika just left Korea and there was no sign of (Name) and Saeran on the airport. Not even a call or a text.

"I think. I saw the look on her face when she saw Rika and V together on the party. But, I thought she'd see him off. She promised." Zen said, nudging Saeyoung "hey, did they tell you something?"

"Nah. Saeran hasn't been home since the party. I only know where he is but there's no reason for him to really come, right? He hates those two more than anyone else in the world." He answered as a matter of factly. "As for (Name) I don't know. Maybe something happened? She stays at her family, isn't she?"

"That's understandable. But for (Name), just where in the world is she?" Jumin said, glancing at Jaehee who worriedly checks her phone from time to time.

Four members were left to wonder the reason, when suddenly Saeyoung's phone rang, he excused himself, when he heard the news, his face lit up.

"Saeran said he's going to open his own flower shop!"

Everyone bombarded Saeyoung with questions happily, and he answered them each. The RFA lookinh forward to the next step of the recovery of the twins, and each of them from the trauma of recent events.

-  
The life of RFA members continued the usual; Jaehee and Jumin started being open to each other despite Jaehee resigning as his assistant and opening her own coffee shop. Of course, Jumin was against it at first, but after seeing Jaehee so passionate about it he eventually agreed. Making him realize a special feeling towards his former secretary.

Zen, just like predicted, had more acting jobs after the successful party. He's been busy jumping from one project to the next, his two best fans on each event or show he is in, showing their support. His fanbase grew even more, making it possible for him to be cast in big movies and shows soon.

As for Yoosung, there's no surprise. He's always been an intelligent student. He still plays LOLOL but pays more attention to his studies. In just months, he became one of the top students in their university. Jumin became more interested in hiring him, but it will always be his choice.

Saeran, started living on his own. Saeyoung was against it at first, but finally knowing the reason, he understood.

  
Almost a year had passed since V left Korea and there was a first letter that came in to her and Saeran's home, delivered by Saeyoung himself. She found it odd that someone sent them a letter aside from the monthly bills they had to pay. She was left alone in their house, playing a piece like usual. Saeran have been attending to their flower shop, and the look on his face whenever he was working was genuine, like he was truly happy, and it made her feel at ease. Knowing that after years of searching, pain and misery, Saeran and his twin got the happiness they deserved.

"It's been only a few months since I left Korea, and I already miss it. I've been overseas before for a long period of time but this might have been the first time I missed our country so much. How do you do? I miss you and the RFA members too. I pressed some stargazers. I hope you like them.

-Jihyun"

Saeran read the letter to her when he got home. (Name) smiled sadly, knowing she can't read those words itself. She kept the letter in one of her drawers, along with her prized possesions. Reaching out to Saeran's hand, she spoke;

"I'm sorry. I've been a burden to you and everyone else."

"You know I'm going to say the same thing, right?"

"Still, thank you."

...

V waited for two years and finally, he is ready.

He walked towards the gallery, a bouquet of moon daisies and baby's breath in his hand and a smile on his face. After two years of sending letters and pressed flowers, he was finally going to talk to her in person, in the very place where they first met each other, it was her first solo exhibit, and he knew how much it meant to her.

He was finally going to ask her. After two, longing years of contemplating he finally sorted everything out, today, in this day.

V was very much looking forward to this day. When he arrived inside the art gallery,there were a lot people who admires her works, from her familiar, melancholic styles to the style she developed lately which portayed serenity and joy. He couldn't be more proud of what she's become. His eyes wandered inside, looking at each painting, taking time to feel and see each work displayed. But what caught V's attention was the large painting at the center of all.

It's a woman, blonde haired, with a man of mint colored hair amidst the blooming yellow daffodils under the sun. They were smiling, as if they were having the time of their lives.

A lot of couples that he guessed were on a gallery date was lining up to see her biggest creation, yet. Others were admiring the vibe it gave off, but somehow, for V, he did not know how to react upon seeing it.

'Light and Daffodils'  
The painting entitled.

He stopped midway, upon seeing Jumin, Jaehee and Yoosung looking at the same painting. A dark look on their faces. Everyone knew in the RFA how the painter loved V for years. Unlike others, they felt the pain she had creating this, while trying to give the painting a romantic feel to it.

"Jumin, Yoosung, Jaehee."

"V!" They said in unison, completely surprised that their leader who was on a hiatus for a year and a half showed up so suddenly. V smiled at them,

"It's been a while. You didn't tell us you were coming home. How are you?" Jumin asked.

"Well, it's meant to be a surprise. I'm doing fine. Rika is also doing fine. She's continuing her treatment overseas. I came here to see (Name)'s solo exhibit but I don't see her anywhere." V answered, the look on their faces became hesitant, as if not knowing what to answer him.

V tilted his head to the side, the curiosity getting to him.

"Did something happen?" He asked, neither of the three answered him. Instead, Yoosung and Jaehee just kept their gaze on the floor, while Jumin looked curiously at him.

"Just as I thought. You know nothing too." Jumin answered the question instead, "We rarely see her after you left. The last time we met together as RFA, was since I got married to Jaehee."

Jaehee blushed at what Jumin said, "She didn't want us to see her. Only the twins know where she is," Jaehee added,

"She told us that she was busy painting and writing but... a year was too long."

A year ago;. the exact time where she stopped sending him letters. He was wondering why she suddenly didn't respond to any letters he sent to her.

Saeyoung didn't told him anything regarding her whereabouts. V respected her privacy, knowing her. But he had no idea that the rest of the RFA members also lost in touch with her.

"Yo, V! Didn't know you were coming back today." The exact man that was on his mind came over to them, behind Seven was two men holding a large portrait painting.

"Isn't that...?"

"Oh, yeah. She made it when we found him."

Saeyoung smiled proudly at the painting, a painting of Saeran smiling longingly at white stargazers and white freesia. his eyes closed, his facial expression light, as if finally he is at home.

"Embodiment of longing happiness." Saeyoung said,

"It's stunning..." Yoosung exclaimed,

V could feel the pang of jealousy building up in his chest, as well as confusion on what had happened while he was gone. He wanted to know where and what is going on with her, or more likely to know if she already has someone else.

"Saeyoung, I don't see her or Saeran here. It's her exhibit, she should be here." Jumin took the words right out of V's mouth, the smile from Saeyoung's face disappeared and was replaced by a frown. He looked bitterly at them, before locking eyes with V,

"We'll tell you when she wants to see us all. For now, things are quite a mess."

"What do you mean she didn't want to see us all? Did something happen? It's been a year, did we do something?" Yoosung asked the members,

"It's not about us. It's just that... she couldn't see us, for now. I'm sure (Name) didn't want us blaming ourselves, so can't we wait? Please."

V was quiet the whole time, so Saeyoung knew where she is but wouldn't tell them where. He knew about what happened or what was happening to her but wouldn't tell them what. Something was definitely wrong,

"Saeyoung. Tell me what happened to her."

"No need to worry, all of you. She's doing fine. She's just too focused on writing and painting."

Saeyoung reassured them. But they weren't convinced. In the end, he left without giving them any answers.

-  
V was standing outside Jaehee's coffee shop, not knowing what he was doing. He was desperate to see her whereabouts, maybe she'd want to visit Jaehee sooner or later that's why he was standing there despite the cold weather. Winter season had barely begun, there are a lot of people in the streets, either buying something hot or to shop. He walked around the streets of Seoul. A part of him somehow hoping that in the crowds of hundreds, he'd see that smile; the smile he always longed for.

He went to an art shop, to buy new supplies. He had started to pursue his love of arts, just as his mother wanted him to. The brushes reminded him of the time when she and him were always painting, the classical songs,the lavender scent and his garden.

"Oh! I'm sorry!" A woman bumped in to him, and he swore they had the same voice. If she was here, of course it would make sense. He hurriedly turned around to find the woman. But to his dismay, he didn't see a familiar woman's back with long, brown curls and hoodie. Instead, she was wearing a dress and a pixie cut for her hair. The woman was holding a white cane,

He chuckled at his own foolishness, thinking that every person who had almost the same voice as (Name)was her. He turned to the counter to pay for the paints and brushes. V knew that he has to find her soon, or else he might go to extents just to find her. Her family was overseas, and he already talked to Seon ho, only to no avail.

He definitely knew she was in Korea.

Unknown to him, Saeran stared at him from the distance. His gaze cold, as if V's existence was something he still loathes after all this past year. He still couldn't forgive him for making (Name) get her hopes up only to be dumped by him.

"Saeran, is everything okay?" She asked, her warm hand reaching to his arm.

"Mm, let's go home?" He answered her with a smile. (Name) let Saeran guide her among the crowd. She continued to look ahead, knowing that she is safe if she is with him.

\--

V searched for days, weeks, months. Only to find no sign of her. It is only then with Jumin's help that he managed to find Saeran's flower shop.

The former hacker's reaction upom seeing him was still the same; cold. But the treatment he received from him didn't stop V from asking him countless times.

"Will you let me see her?"

Saeran stared back at V with a blank look. The older man was persistent, asking him every single day ever since he came back, to see her. He turned down the idea. But today was the last straw, he didn't want V to see her, and to bring back the pain he caused her. But what is his right to stop him? Losing his patience, Saeran asked the other staffs to leave the two of them alone. Taking off his apron, he motioned for him to come at the back of the shop.

"Aren't you getting tired? You do know that my answer will always be the same, right?"

"Why do you have to see her? Aren't you and Rika back together?" He asked, "Be honest with me. What do you really want from her?"

"I just want to see her, how she's doing."

"Why?"

"Because I have to. I have to know her reasons on why she couldn't see us."

"... because she can't anymore." He mumbled those words, but enough for V to hear. "And she has nothing to say to you."

He was about to give up for the day when he remembered something Rika had said to him while they were overseas.

"So, please leave. I still have work to--"

"It's about her eyes, wasn't it?"

"What are you talking about."

"Rika told me. That she had this eye condition. That's why (Name) was so desperate for me to have my surgery."

"You really are persistent. Why do I have to answer that question?"

"Because I love her," He said with a straight look, "that's why I'm willing to do what I can for her... just when she did when... when I thought I was going to lose myself."

Saeran knew, more than anyone else that his best friend loved V, for who knows how long. It's been a year when she stopped talking about him, let alone say his name. Saeran thought about it hard, every night since he came home to her, every day since his arrival became a threat to the peace she craved for,

But was is really peaceful for her? For him? To know that her heart will forever be troubled by V?

Saeran took a deep breath, finally able to come to a decision.

"You want to see her? Fine. I'll let you see her, but I have conditions." He finally agreed, his back facing V's, "Don't say anything. Don't even speak. Don't even let her know you're there. Do you understand?"

"Saeran, don't you think that's too much?"

"It's like I said. She didn't want you to see her, and you'll understand soon."

\--

"Saeran?"

"Hey, I'm home." Saeran greeted warmly, V following behind him.

"Yes, welcome home. Thanks for working hard again today."

"Mm. I brought you white freesia, it's our flower for today." Saeran guided her hands to the flower, carefully placing it in her hand so that she could bring it closer to her nose.

"It's really fragrant, it's too bad I can't see them but they feel really beautiful. Thank you so much."

V was wide eyed as he stared at them. She really was the woman who bumped into him in the art shop. Her long hair was now cut into pixie cut, she still wore her hoodies and pajamas. But the white cane, the white cane looked very familiar.

Her eyes looked as if they are not looking anywhere near Saeran or him. V was face to face with her, except that he kept his distance. (Name) carefully searching for Saeran's hand, he reached out to hers, grasping it firmly.

"Were you lonely here? Sorry, I had to fix some things at the shop" he explained in an apologetic tone.

"Mm. I'm fine. I was just playing the piano, although I'm already starving." She chuckled playfully.

"I see. Let's go to the kitchen. I'll prepare something for us." Saeran guided her to the kitchen, mouthing V to wait for him.

All strength from his body was lost, he sat down on the couch. A mix of jealousy, confusion and helplessness coursed through him. His fear came true, what Rika said was true.

Where was he when she was struggling with her vision?

All the feelings made him feel inadequate; he knew he lacked communication. He shouldn't have left her alone.

"Saeran, you are with someone, aren't you?"

V heard her voice, as clear as day. He looked towards their direction, and she did the same, but her eyes were fixed on the floor. He wanted to run to her, apologize for not being by her side the whole time. But he stood frozen, wondering if the woman he loves recognized his presence.

"... I am."

She smiled warmly, and V could also see the bitter look on Saeran's face. Never letting go of Saeran's hand, she introduced herself to the stranger she thought she never met.

"Hello. I'm (Name), it's nice to meet you. Please excuse me if I can't see you. Thank you for taking care of Saeran, I hope you continue taking care of him." She bowed politely.

V couldn't stop himself from crying. He bit his lip to stop the whimpers from coming out. She said it herself. Those words came from her mouth.

"You should join us for a meal. Saeran is a very good cook," she exclaimed with proud look on her face.

"He can't join us for a meal, he's just here to get something for the shop." Saeran explained, gently removing her hand from his. "I'll see him off at the door, could you stay here? I won't take long."

"Oh, that's too bad but, take care going home."

V looked down sideways, prepared to leave Saeran's home, but the former hacker stopped him in his tracks.

"Thank you for letting me see her." He said, his voice waivering.

"I hope this answered your questions. Well then, I have to go. She's waiting for me." He took two envelopes from his pocket, handing it over to him.

He nodded before going on his own way. This time, no one was there to see him cry.

The tears he held back flowed from his eyes uncontrollably, the longing and love he felt for her made him broke down. He blamed himself, he should be there. He should be taking care of her just like she did when he was lost. The eyes he loved so much lost their light in them.

He caught a glimpse of the envelopes beside him, carefully opening each, two letters were there. His confession;

 

> _I've never been so sure of someone, even with the woman I thought I'd marry and raise children with. Maybe because I was broken myself, I tried fixing a person who was also broken._
> 
> _Loving me, I know was full of struggles for you. I wasn't consistent, I made you confused many times. I cannot apologize enough for that._
> 
> _Over the time I spent living alone here overseas, I came to find and love myself. Just like I promised. I've been travelling all over, hoping to find myself. But there's something lacking, something. Then I found the answer._
> 
> _Vivid colors of summer and spring flowers reminded me of you, how you were so bright in the middle of my struggles. Words weren't enough, and God knows I miss you so much._
> 
> _Every beautiful thing reminded me of you; places, sceneries, flowers. I wish you were with me. I wish you could see these places with me. The night here is beautiful as I write this letter. The moon was bright across the sky and the silver stars twinkling. I can't help but remember the night at Jumin's vacation house._
> 
> _Years ago, you prayed for us to walk under the moonlight, hand in hand on a night like this. To spend the entire night over silly conversations and naming each constellation we see._
> 
> _Over the time that passed, that prayer was never answered, and I was the only one walking, lost in the beauty of the night._
> 
> _Understanding that the time for us was not yet now, in my heart I still pray, for us to fulfill that promise._
> 
> _(Name), when time will allow us to be together, can you stay with me, forever?_
> 
> _Will you read each starting letter in each paragraph?_

  
And finally, her response.

 

>   
>  _I've seen the beautiful things;_  
>  _The countless phases of the moon that made my heart leap in joy_  
>  _Cry the happy tears from witnessing the sunsets in the west_  
>  _along with the sound of waves kissing the seashore_  
>  _Nostalgia brought by the countless constellations in the pitch black sky_  
>  _Longing, as the rain washed away the memories spent together,_  
>  _I've seen them all;_  
>  _"Welcome home," you beamed, with the light of the stars in your eyes,_  
>  _And, none of them can compare_  
>  _From the love, and everything else I felt_  
>  _When I saw you and that smile of yours_  
>  _That put shame on all those beautiful things._
> 
> _V, I wrote this prose especially for you. My feelings hasn't changed. But will you forgive me? If I say that I will stop waiting for you?_


	14. White Roses

Saeran spent the entire evening in their garden, tending the flowers that they took care ever since they both moved in. His mind wandering to the time, 2 years ago. Exactly the time where V and Rika left the country and she was left all alone. He saw her heartbroken, yet she was determined to see them off.

That morning, was still as clear as day.

__

"Are you prepared?" He asked, as he finished tying his shoes. He was all prepared, although he wasn't sure if seeing them off would be a great idea.

No answer came from her. So he started to knock on her door,

Still no answer.

Excusing himself, he slowly opened door to her room. His heart racing, and there she was, lying down on the floor, pale face. Cold sweat started trickling down his spine. Trying hard not to panic, he went to see if she was conscious or not. Saeran tried to wake her up, only to no avail. He hurriedly called an ambulance and (Name)'s brother, Seon Joo.

.  
.  
Upon reaching the hospital, Saeran anxiously waited on outside the emergency room. He wasn't able to call his brother and inform him of what happened. He ran his fingers through his hair praying that she was fine.

Beside him was Seon Jae. His eyes closed as he waits in vain. He spoke first,

"Can you take care of our sister?" He asked desperately, his voice shaking. "We wanted to take care of her, but our older brother... Seon Ho. We can't leave him alone either."

He kept quiet, knowing very well of what Seon Jae was talking about.

"She was always strong, despite knowing that she'd lose another thing that was precious to her. " he took a deep breath, "if anything else. We want you to take care of her. We prayed that everything goes well with her but... We wish we could have prevented it." He chuckled helplessly, and Saeran need not to look but he knew how her family was affected.

"If it makes you feel at ease... I will gladly take care of her, no matter what happens."

A promise was made between the two men.

That same afternoon, Saeran called his brother.

"I'm going to open my own flower shop." He said,  
"... and I'm going to live with her."

-  
From that day onwards, she didn't need her eyeglasses anymore.

What's the use if she was starting to lose her sense of sight?  
  
Her eyeglass was replaced by a cane, her art materials still used. Her illness didn't stop her from creating and creating, waiting until that day where she completely loses it.

And it wasn't too long before it did. Exactly six months after V's departure, it happened.

"Saeran." She called his name, cane in her hand she tried to walk where she could feel a person's presence. Ever since she started losing her sight, her other senses had started to become more sensitive, as if compensating for the lost one.

"Saeran...?" She can merely see the light coming in the room, only yesterday she could still somehow see. She could feel the lump forming in her throat, the idea was finally registering into her mind.

"Sae... Saeran..." she knocked over the flower vase, the shattering sound made her walk back, she kept bumping to one thing and another. She felt helpless, useless, and she loathes herself.

Tears were streaming down her eyes, she bit her trembling lower lip trying not to let out a sob. 'This is it,' she thought. If this was the worst, then she has to accept that she could no longer paint, draw or write. First it was her left wrist, forcing her to give up playing piano and violin. Her first love, and now she cannot do anything anymore.

There are a lot of things on her mind; her family, her exhibit, her friends, Saeran, and V. Before she knew it, she was quietly crying her heart out, trying to calm herself. She was supposed to come to her last exhibit today, but she's won't be able to. She managed fo finish the last piece for her collection "seasons of the sky" the other day, and to see the whole collection with her own two eyes, even if its only a blur meant a lot to her.

She fell to the floor, her balled fists on her chest. She couldn't see anything, except the faint light that her eyes managed to see. She could feel the cold, spring air. It made her shiver, whimpering not from the cold but from the shock that she had lost her sight forever.

Although she had prepared herself for this for years, she still could not accept it whole heartedly. A part of her always knew that this day would come, but also there is something that still hoped that she'd still see things clearly, even with the help of her eyeglasses.

Words she heard when she lost the ability to play the piano and violin were all she could think of at that time. 'A music prodigy who cannot use her left hand', 'a waste of talent' , 'useless', it broke her heart when she was a child. Will she hear those words again? That's for sure. She then turned to arts and writing, the second only thing she was atleast good at. But now that she could no longer see the colors, nor express visually what she wanted to, she had no idea who she was anymore.

She could no longer be an artist nor a musician, she couldn't do anything anymore. She would only become a burden, especially to Saeran who was taking care of her.

She had completely lost her tools of trade.

She heard footsteps coming from the front door. It must have been Saeran. Quickly wiping her tears away she tried to stand up, only to fail. She tried again-- and just as she was about to fall to the floor again, a pair of arms supported her waist.

The scent of bouquet of flowers surrounded her, she knew this scent so much. It was comforting, and it was him. He did not need to talk, but as soon as she found her self steady, she tried to cup his face, tracing his every feature. Trying to memorize and to picture the face of the man in front of her.

"Saeran..."

"(Name)...?" He asked, confusion in the tone of his voice.

"I'm sorry, I think I broke the vase... I'm sorry." She said,

"What... what happened?"

"I couldn't see anything... I can't see anything." she said in a whisper, her hands falling limply to her side. Saeran's hold on her arms softened, his hands cupped her face, his thumbs lightly wiping away the tears on her cheeks. "Saeran I can't see you..." She heard his breath hitch at what she said, all it took was that gesture to make her sob,

"No... no. No. Ahaha, this is just a dream right? Saeran, this is a dream right? I should wake up. I needed to go to the gallery..." she tried to pinch herself as hard as she can. Saeran held her hands, trying to stop her from continually hurting herself. She tried to rub her eyes, trying to see. But its all the same. There's nothing she sees, there's nothing.

"No... maybe maybe... no." She sobbed harder, her chest tightens at the thought of being blind. She tried to choke back a sob, only to fail. She's having a hard time breathing for crying too hard. "Just for a few more days, please. Even just for today. I just want to see them for the last time, even just for a day..."

His embrace on her tighten, her sobs were muffled down in his chest. Both of them were breaking down, and Saeran has to keep thinking, how to calm her down, how to calm himself down, how to keep his composure.

"Let's... let's go to the hospital." He chided her, she could feel his hand shake, all she could do was call his name. Trying to reassure herself that he was there. She was scared, of what will happen to her. The same fear she felt when she hurt her wrist,  
.  
.  
.  
"Saeran, I'm scared... " she whimpered, "I'm scared... I'm very scared." Saeran tried to keep his composure. Seeing her in this state was something he could not bear, he knew how much she struggled after losing her chance to become a musician. He couldn't bear anymore to see her in pain, not after she had found another thing that makes her happy.

When she managed to calm down, he went to the kitchen to call and inform Saeyoung of what happened. He told him that she would not be able to come to the exhibit.

"Can you come over?" Saeran asked his brother, not being able to tell him completely what happened. She was scared, she was shaking just a while ago. He knew he would not be able to leave her alone nor drive to the hospital with just the two of them. She needs him.

"Alright. I'll be there in a few minutes." Saeyoung reassured. Ending the call, Saeran went back to her again. Her hands were resting on the cane, she sat straight. Her undereye puffy from sobbing and the glass of water untouched. He was hurt seeing her like this,

Saeran started to clean up the broken vase, the fresh Lily of the Valley and moon daisies he put earlier in the morning were now scattered on the floor. He thought of her, these flowers were her favorites. But now, she could no longer see them,

"Saeran... what does the sky look like?"

It broke him then and there. It broke him that he couldn't do anything for her. He knew how much she loved the sky, he knew very well,

He struggled not to let her hear his shaky breathing, blinking back his tears, he cleared his throat. He's the only one she has, and in this time he needed to be strong, for her. Saeran's eyes focused on the glass window of her room,

"It's a sunny and clear sky... with clouds on the mountains. The flowers were bright under the light of the sun." He explained, sitting beside her. "The sunflower was in full bloom now, along with the moon daisies."

"...It's beautiful." She smiled, a very lonely one.

"Do you want to go and touch them?" He asked, carefully placing his hand over hers.

"That would be wonderful." Placing his free hand on her lower back, she guided him from her room to garden, he made sure her hold on his other hand was secured.

"Saeran."

"Mm?"

"It's only a matter of time before I forget what this place looks, how the clear the night sky is in ths summer, or how vibrant the flowers look like in the spring." Her voice was calm, "I might even forget how you all look like. My condition already reached its last stage, which is completely losing my vision. Saeran, I'm afraid. I don't want to forget how beautiful this place is, and I'm afraid of not seeing you all again, afraid of forgetting your face." Her hands gently traced every feature of his face, from how thick his eyebrows are, his smooth cheeks, and to the supple feel of his lips,

"Then... I'll gladly tell you everything you wanted to see. From every small detail to the big picture. Until the day... until the day you can see the everything around you again." He leaned to her touch, holding the hands that was in his face.

  
"Thank you, Saeran."

  
At the hospital, she managed to stay calm, which made Saeran feel somehow relieved. Their whole trip, she was quiet, her hands were holding his, as if she didn't want him to go anywhere else. Her grip on his hand the whole time was the kind that he did not want to let go, to secure her that hopefully, everything will be alright.

She must have fell asleep while waiting, she leaned her head to his shoulders. While waiting for their turn, Saeyoung brought them some drinks and food. Aside from Saeran, his twin knew of the condition of the RFA Party Coordinator. They came to terms that they'd keep it as a secret, from each members including V, with the belief that she can still see if she had her surgery. The twins knew very well that she did not want the others to worry, so she wanted to keep it to themselves. Although Saeyoung wasn't sure anymore if they should still keep it a secret from all of them. The rest of the RFA members deserves to know the truth.

\--

Nine months had passed since then, and they never got the chance to tell the rest of the RFA members of her real situation. The heartbreaking news of her losing her sight made them unable to accept and to say it to the rest of the group.

That morning was like the usual one since she lost her sight; Saeran always guides her around the house and into the garden, always making her touch and smell the flowers they planted. She would help Saeran water them and even try and play with him. Her guide to him was his touch, his voice and presence that she knew ever since they were 12. After that they'd eat breakfast together, talking about the flower shop and the music compositions she makes. She'd see him off to work at the doorstep and ask him to take care.

Then she'd have to wait for him when lunch comes. Where Saeran would bring him fresh flowers for her only, flowers that was already reserved for a specific day. They'd eat the lunch Saeran made and she couldn't ask for anything more.

Whenever the sun sets, Saeran always manages to bring her to the back of their house near the garden and tell her about the colors of the sky that afternoon. Each day was different from the other, and she'd end up leaning her head to his shoulder, inhaling scent of lavender while mumbling a "thank you for everything" to him, it made them happy and contented. But she wanted to enjoy the sunsets with him if she could only see, just like they used to when they were kids

In the evening, Saeyoung would join them, telling them stories and doing pranks to his younger twin as they all laughed.

Then came that day,

"Say, I haven't told you this. Our flower shop was to have an expansion. Lately, there are a lot of customers, which was really good." Saeran said enthusiastically, "So, I was thinking to hire some staff and let them handle the store."

"Oh, that's really a great news! As for the staff, I don't see why not. You could use some help in managing it after all. I'm sorry, although it's our flower shop I can't be of any help."

"Silly, don't think about the small things. Also, I want to spend more time with you. You might be lonely here all alone."

"Thanks for being so kind and considerate, Saeran. But are you sure? I don't want to hold you back."

"I made a promise, that I would take care of you."

His hand reached for hers, reassuring that she had nothing to worry about.

"Saeran..."

___

  
"Saeran, why are you still here?" He turned to see her, cane in hand she tried to go to where he is.her cardigan just draped over her shoulders despite the cold night air. Saeran immediately stood up and guided her to the garden to where he is. (Name) never failed to find him even though she can't see anything.

"I just thought I wanted to look at the flowers." He tried to sound as if nothing bothered him. He reached out to her arms and made her wear her cardigan. She shivered at the contact, reaching out to Saeran's arms, she tried to feel if he was wearing a sweater or some sort.

"Something's bothering you, isn't it?" She said,

Saeran didn't answer her. He instead played with the petals of the white rose, it beamed a silver sheen thanks to the full moon. He wanted her to see how the white roses gleam under the moonlight. He's still looking for ways to get her eyes treated.

"About that man earlier... it was V, right?" She mumbled,

He had nothing to say. He knew all this time, even though she might not see with her eyes, her heart knows. Just like how her body and senses know that Saeran was himself when he was nearby.

"So he came back. I wasn't really expecting him to come find me. I'm sorry," She apologized, her head hung low. "We promised a peaceful life, and I don't plan on breaking them." She reassured him, tilting her head towards his direction before giving him a smile.

"I don't really mind, if you decide that you want to be with him." he said, almost in a whisper, "You still have to follow what you want. I'd understand, V was someone you always loved. Now that he's back, I want you to be happy."

"I already have what I want." She said, taking a deep breath, closing her eyes. "Things changed in two years, things weren't the same anymore. I'd rather live in peace like this." When she opened her eyes, as if looking up, a look of peace was in her face, the moon reflecting itself in her eyes made him know she was telling the truth.

"Then, that's good to hear."

He smiled, a hundred white roses in sight dedicated for her, the moonlight and living like this, he knew they were living a contented and peaceful life, and Saeran couldn't ask for more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowowoeowowow I don't know when i'll update next 😭 I'd appreciate some comments lmaooo. 
> 
>  
> 
> This story is taking longer than expected.


	15. Peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst ahead 😭

"Oh no." Jaehee gasped in disbelief, as Saeyoung told them everything he knew, since V already knows about the situation.

Everyone in the room was shocked, Jumin had his eyes closed as if thinking, as always. V and Zen kept quiet, their lips pursed into a bitter frown. Yoosung was close to crying after hearing what happened to her.

"Apparently, she didn't want us to know. Because she knew we'd make a big fuss out of it. She was desperate for V to have his surgery because... she didn't want the same thing happen to him."

"Can't we see her? We need to see her. We have to see her. (Name)... she's been suffering for years and we had no idea." Yoosung interjected, Zen tried to calm him down.

"Yoosung's right. We have to be there for her." Zen added, "She stayed by our side when things didn't go very well. Now it's our time to be there for her."

"I already saw her." V finally spoke,looking at each of them as he continues, "She's been living with Saeran, and she didn't really wanted to see us all. I just came there and didn't announce myself. She looked happy... yet different, much different than before."

"V, I understand where you're coming from. But just because she looked happy and contented doesn't mean that she is." Zen said again, in which V agreed to.

"To be honest... she stopped talking about V or RFA over a year ago, about the time when I told her that you and Rika were getting along together overseas," Saeyoung said apologetically. "One thing's for sure. She was happy for all of us, Jaehee pursuing her coffee shop and getting married, Zen having more acting projects, Yoosung becoming a vet and V, being able to find love again and loving himself."

A heavy feeling was all over them. The burden of not knowing anything and at the same confusion of her reasons were all they could feel.

"But how can we be happy... knowing she's not fine at all?" Yoosung almost cried,

"If she still wanted to be part of RFA, she would've told us her condition." Jumin finally spoke, after being quiet this whole time. "She didn't tell us because she didn't want us to worry, and us worrying would also burden her emotionally. Saeyoung mentioned earlier that she wanted to live a quiet life. If you knew how many important things she lost, you'd know her reason. (Name) wanted to rest, and it seemed that she's only waiting for her to become blind before completely living elsewhere where she could finally live quietly."

"Jumin... what do you mean?" V asked, completely confused just like everyone else, except Saeyoung, who knew everything around her.

"Her parents died in a car crash when she was seven. She was left all alone as a child prodigy of both violin and piano. Her foster father abused her physically to the point where she injured her left hand severely, making her unable to continue playing. Then, few years ago she was diagnosed with the same illness as her grandfather, which resulted now to her blindness." He said, everyone in the room looked much more surprised than ever, "Still, it doesn't make any sense. How does living in the countryside make your life more quiet?"

"There's too much revelations happening today. I could barely register them on my mind." Zen sighed. "Also, did you just contradict everything you said, trust fund kid?!"

"I... I am too. Everything felt so heavy, especially now. I don't want the same thing that happened to Rika happen again. She needs us, I know it." Yoosung looked seriously on all of them, which they seemed to agree.

"Can we talk to her?" Jaehee directed the question to Saeyoung.

"I don't know, she didn't really mention it."

"We'll see her. I'll try to talk to her and convince her for treatment," V said, a determined look on his face.

"Yeah... maybe she'd listen to V," Zen agreed.

"And I don't plan on giving up on her, just like she didn't give up on me."

\---

"... what is he doing here." Saeran shot his twin an angry glare,

"Saeran! I thought you and (name) would like some chicken so we brought you some." His brother ignored the question. Looking at the man behind him, he frowned, making sure that V sees his face.

"I can see that, but why is he here? I thought I made everything clear when I let you see her." He directed the question to V,

Saeran was tired from work and he still have to cook something for her, those were nothing, he's more than happy to do things for her. but to see his brother along with V, is what irked him the most.

"(Name) and I were going out for dinner. Thanks for the chicken but you can keep it." He shoved the chicken back to Saeyoung, abruptly closing the door and turning on the security, making it hard even for Saeyoung to break through the codes. "Never come back here, that includes you, hyung." He spoke through the intercom, not even giving Saeyoung a chance to talk.

Saeran sighed, unbuttoning the first three buttons of his dresshirt as he sat on the couch, frustratingly running his fingers through his now black hair, his golden eyes narrowed at his feet. Exhausted sighs escaped from his lips as he tried his best to think, think and think.

"Saeran," she gently called his name while walking towards him, his face turned soft upon seeing her.   
Guiding her towards the couch where he sat, he tried his best to act like nothing happened. She knows everything even if her eyes can't see anymore.

Her hands reached out to him, carefully feeling where his face was, she scooted closer to him before resting Saeran's head on the crook of her neck, running her fingers in his hair. He stiffened up at first, but loosened up as he closed his eyes, inhaling her scent.

"You don't have to act like everything is okay. Lately I know you've been troubled, please tell me. I don't want you to keep this all to yourself." She wrapped her hands around him and he did the same,

"I don't know, I... I don't know. You looked like you've been really happy these past months, even after everything that happened. I wanted to protect that, I want to protect it but, he's breaking into your life again, just when you moved on." He spoke gently, "I know the wound hasn't healed, it would take a long time. But we've gone so far, everything has been so peaceful before but now, it seemed everything we've done were slowly crumbling down."

A small sigh came from her lips, continously rubbing his back and playing with his hair. Her mind wandered back to nights of crying and falling into the floor, as the reality of her becoming blind was still something she couldn't accept, along by the pain of not being with V, or rather making her hopes up by him asking to wait for him only to find out that Rika and V had gotten back together.

"I know, I understand. To be honest, I don't know what to do either. Things have changed, they are not the same as before, but we should face this." She said, Saeran looked to her, his expression grim. "If he wants to talk, then I'll give it to him."

Saeran trusts her just like he trusts his brother, although he was hesitant about how the talk would end up, he nodded reluctantly before grasping her hand and leading her outside to see if his brother and the former RFA leader were still there. Luckily, they were just about to leave when he opened the door and saw them standing. She must've felt the cold breeze, for she shibered at the contact and at the same time felt her hand shake and lightly sweat.

Saeran reassured her by squeezing her hand lightly and wrapping his arm on her shoulder.

"Are you sure you're ready about this?" He whispered, she nodded in response. He made her sit in one of the chairs in their terrace, where she patiently waited. Saeran went to both V and Saeyoung, telling the older man that she wants to talk.

The twins were left in the car, none of them spoke until Saeyoung decided to break the silence.

"So she finally knew that V came back?"

"... she already knows. The moment V stepped inside the house, she already knew who he was." He looked at the other side, where he can't see both V and (Name) talking, the side where their sunflowers field was.

"I'm sorry," Saeyoung apologized as he looked over to his brother's direction.

"They were bound to find out, but I just wished she had more time by herself, we were living alone very well. It was something we always wanted; a peaceful life. V's arrival became a threat. I've never seen her anxious since the day she lost her sight."

"Maybe I shouldn't have said it..." saeyoung mumbled, looking down,

"You really are an idiot."

"I really am, your brother really is an idiot." Saeyoung chuckled,

"I'm just afraid, that she'll have to undergo the same pain again." He mumbled, closing his eyes as he leaned his back on the seat. Saeyoung worried, if he made the right decision of telling them.

(Name)" V called her name affectionately, each step he takes, the more he sees her close and how much she's changed not just in appearance but also in the vibe that she gave off.

"V, it's been a while."

Her smile was troubled when she greeted him, V sat down beside her. He wanted to talk about a lot of things but he didn't know where to start. He gave her the bouquet he bought earlier; moon daisies and baby's breath.

Her nimble fingers started to feel each petal and flower, she smiled, knowing very well that it is the same bouquet he gave her on the first time they met. It was now a bittersweet memory.

"How are you?" He asked first, knowing very well what her condition is.

She let out an awkward laugh,

"I've heard from Saeyoung. Congratulations on finally becoming a painter. I'm very proud of you." She said, resting the bouquet on her lap. V couldn't resist reaching for her hand as he let it cup his cheek. Her thumb traced his right cheek and he leaned into it, fighting the tears that will fall from his eyes.

"You still haven't changed. You're still beautiful," she said, letting her hand fall back to her lap. V couldn't contain his emotions anymore,

"And you've become even more so." He answered back,

"I don't know. Ahaha." She chuckled halfheartedly,

"... what happened?" He finally gained the courage to ask,

"I've become blind, V. A year and a half ago. I don't really plan on telling any one of you, since I don't plan on staying too long as a member of RFA."

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"You know me, you know the answer very well," she said. And that broke V, with each word she says was a pang in his heart. He kept quiet, trying very hard to carefully choose the words he's going to say next. Trying so hard to think on convincing her for treatment, or to anything that can make her see again.

Thinking back of what has happened in her life, V felt pain, no wonder there's always pain and void in the eyes of she paints, it's an image of her, a reflection. And now, looking at her eyes he could see it.

V held both her hands, causing her to tilt her head towards him. He was still hopeful, although he could feel that she's not going to agree to what he's going to say next.

"I'll help you, let's look for treatment, we'll help you--"

"No need to," she stopped him, "there's no use looking for treatment or to surgery. It's no use."

"Why...?"

"Treatments won't work anymore," she said quietly.

"Let us help you, please. I want you to see again, let's see the world together. Just like I promised--"

"V," she cut him off, with a stern voice he never heard her use before, "aren't you listening? I told you treatments won't work anymore. Your perseverance won't work either. Please, just let it be. That was your dream, not mine anymore." She stood up with a support of her cane, and V could see Saeran from the corner his eyes, waiting.

"(Name)..."

"Things have changed" she smiled faintly, "I'm a different person just as you are different from two years ago."

V knew at that moment that what she said in the letter dated a year ago was true; she stopped waiting for him in vain, unsure of what will happen. He loved her in all those years, even if Rika tried so hard to get his attention and tried to get back together with him. He remained faithful, yet he knew what he lacked, communication. He sent her those letters, hoping that taking it slow is what would suit them best.

How could he miss the important facts? How could he not know of her struggles?

He didn't want to give up. Not when she didn't when he was struggling, not when she was the one who made him realize the things that he wanted. Especially not when he loves her very much and would do everything for her.

"Also, V, don't even think of returning the favor. Of what I did back then, of taking care of you. I wanted to do that because I wanted to. Not because I want you to do the same thing for me."

"Is it... Saeran?" V asked, his voice shaky, afraid of what she'd answer.

"... I don't think I still know what it means to love, and I don't think I can love anyone with the way I am right now." She smiled sadly, "So many things happened, so many things I lost. I just wanted to rest. So please, just continue living your life without me."

She said it without hesitation, and V saw that she was serious. He knows that she didn't want to burden anyone anymore. But he was not having any of that. He was determined to do everything so that she could see the world, and now he knew how she felt before.

His eyes followed them as the pair walked inside the house, Saeran guiding her steps. V thought that it's time to give up.

Tomorrow will be another day.

 


	16. Love tenderly, this Lily of the Valley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's been reading this story from the beginning! Feedbacks as always are really greatly appreaciated. Enjoy~

It was almost the time in the morning where Saeran would come into their room and wake her up. But instead, she got up early, hoping to help him make breakfast. Although she was sure she'll only end up as a nuisance for him, she decided she'd want to join him make breakfast, even if her job was to taste the foods he makes.

She slipped into a white dress that Saeran prepares for her the nightly before they go to sleep. Feeling her cardigan on the headboard of her bed she wore it on top of the dress. It became a routine that she now didn't even have any difficulties in wearing her clothes. Reaching out to her cane, she stood up, counting her steps.

Four steps to the left, three to the right, fifteen to the kitchen, flower vases on seventh step before turning to the kitchen.

She heard voices coming from the kitchen, along with the cluttering of utensils and and plates. She can smell the freshly made coffee, and she could feel two people she knew so well. Of course, the other was Saeran and the other one was her brother, Seon Jae.  
She stopped in her tracks, eavesdropping to what they were talking about.

"So you're telling me that guy, V, was back and has been coming back here to meet her?"

"Yes, I would be fine with him meeting her if she was really fine," Saeran answered.

"I understand what you're trying to say, Saeran. Seon Joo said that both of you should leave and move somewhere else. But I'm against that. Especially now, it's like she has built a wall again, it took us years for her to open up to us."

"She did, and it seemed that only us can enter her life.(Name) looked really happy before he came back, yet she's still affected, so I don't know anymore if I'm doing the right thing." She could hear the conflict coming from Saeran,

"I'm sorry, I asked you to take care of her. We should have been the one by her side." Seon Jae apologized,

"I don't mind taking care of her, really. I'm very happy to do so. It's just that, I want her to be happy too, but i don't know, I'm not enough to make her happy" He said, and there's longing and regret in his voice.

She took a deep breath, clutching her cane hard that she knew her knuckles getting white. (Name) tried to force herself that she's doing the right thing, yet she also knew that she was trying to run away. So she announced herself, in the middle of their conversation.

"Good morning," She smiled, forcefully. She felt her brother's hands guiding her to the dining table, although she already memorized the house, she's still thankful for her family to guide her through this.

The words that Saeran and Seon Jae exchanged still occupies her mind, the two men were still talking, yet she cannot find herself to eat the breakfast that Saeran made. She's still clutching her dresshard, thinking about the pain that Saeran had to go through, him thinking that he wasn't enough for her.

"Your food is getting colder, you need to eat."

His gentle voice broke through her thoughts, smiling lightly, she took a bite. As always, it made her happy to spend another morning like this with Saeran,

"Thank you, for staying with me. I wish I could see how warm us sharing a meal like this but, I'm still thankful."

Her hand reached under the table, to grasp Saeran's hand, sending him a message.

"Saeran, should we go and feel the flowers today? The baby's breath might be in bloom now."

She knew Saeran smiled, judging from how he squeezed her hand back,

"Mm, let's do it."

Seon Jae smiled at the sight in front of him, what Saeran said wasn't a lie, there's a look of calmness in her face when she was with him, but he'd like to contradict was Saeran said. He was sure that it was because of Saeran's efforts, that she came to love the life they lived.

The smile on his sister's face was something he always wanted to see. She was happily talking to Saeran and to him that they forgot they were talking about a topic that she tried to avoid. 'Looks like we were worried for nothing,' he thought to himself. He looked closely at the pair, wondering if their deep friendship has blossomed into something more.

Seon Jae watched as they both went to the huge garden that Saeran and (Name) took care of. She holds his hand on her left and her cane on the right. He could easily tell that Saeran made her feel safe and reassured, a ring from his phone made the color from his face disappear. He answered the phone with a heavy feeling,

"Seon ho needs to go back overseas. Pack your things. We'll leave at 6."

\--  
Saeran watched her closely, behind that smile of hers was something that's been bothering her all morning. He could feel it, and he could see it in her eyes. She touched the flowers with such gentleness, as if afraid for them to break; and she's just the same.

He touched her hand lightly, his thumb tracing patterns on the back of her hand. She turned her head towards him,

"Saeran?"

"Did something happen?" He asked, his voice almost coming out as a whisper.

She smiled,

"I wanted to say I'm sorry,"

"For what?" His attention was on hers. Smiling bitterly, her body turned towards him, her white hat covering her face, Saeran looked at her with worry, she held both of his hands and put it on her cheeks,

"I accidentally overheard your conversation. Saeran, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I... you're more than enough for me. You've been there from the worst, until our best days. you made me feel like I am more than enough for you, and you are the same to me. Please, I don't want you to think that way." She said, not having the courage to face him,

Saeran smiled, cupping her cheeks before leaning in for an embrace, smoothing her hair and her back.

"You don't have to apologize, I know that much and I'm thankful, for you having me. But, I don't want you to just focus on me alone and deny what you really feel. I know, that you miss them. I can't force you to come and meet them until you're ready."

Her breath was caught in her throat at what Saeran said, wrapping her arms on his torso, she spoke

  
"How come you always see right through me...? It's true, I do miss them, very much. But I've been a mess, ever since I lost my sight. I don't think I could face them as usual with the way I am right now. I couldn't accept or love myself, how am I supposed to behave like I did before? I don't know what I should tell them, it's been years, and I inflicted pain on them by not telling them anything, disappearing without a word. I felt like I betrayed them. I pushed them away... Saeran, what should I do? I don't know anymore."

Saeran's hold on her tightened, "Mm. What you feel is not wrong, but we'll make sure to figure something out. It's still not too late, it's not yet too late. I'm sure, they want to see you too."

"I'm lucky." She sniffled, embracing him much tighter, "To have someone like you care so much for me,"

Saeran blushed, but he couldn't get the smile off of his face. Finally, her walls were crumbling down.

"I'll always be by your side, I promise. No matter what happens."

The strong wind blew past them as they broke both into a smile despite their red faces, they chuckled, walking hand in hand in the vast field of flowers. Saeran quickly took his phone from his pocket, his free hand taking a snap of the woman beside him.

He smiled upon seeing the photo he took. She was holding the flowers she picked. She suddenly stopped walking, taking a flower from the bouquet she picked and giving it to him,

It's a Lily of the Valley.

"Purity. Innocence. And return of happiness." She said, "Thank you, Saeran. You taught me how, in the past two years on how I can be happy and contented, bit by bit. For showing me purity in simple things we do. For letting me see your innocence from 14 years ago until now." a blush tainted her cheeks, she played with her fingers nervously. And Saeran couldn't help but feel her nervousness too. "Saeran I--"

"Saeraaaan!!! (Name)!" A voice of a certain red headed idiot brother called to them, "Hey hey I just dropped by the flower shop and the staff says they have big shot client! Let's head over there now!"

He clicked his tongue in annoyance at his brother's arrival. While (Name) just chuckled lightly, taking off her hands on his.

"Saeran, you should go." She said to him smiling. He let out a defeated sigh,

"Are you sure you want to be left here? You should come with us." He tried to persuade her, but she shook her head,

"Go ahead. I'm tired as well. It's a big client, you should go there. I'm just going to play a piece inside."

"We will continue later. I'll drop you by inside the house. I'll be sure to come back soon."

She smiled, reassured at what Saeran said, the three of them went inside the house while the twins left shortly after. (Name) was all alone once more her heart still beating fast, she definitely became much closer to Saeran that she didn't know anymore. Was she about to confess?

"Ah, I messed up." She said to herself, putting the Lily of the Valley beside the piano chair. She sat down, continuing playing the piece she composed for him which will serve as her present for him in Saeran and Saeyoung's birthday.

'Four seasons'

_Because in this little path enveloped by the flowers our happiness is soon to begin_

_When the spring inviting the violets into bloom comes, I want to embrace you in my entire life_

_Meanwhile the summer hasn't caught up to us, let's make a vow of the seasons--_

 

She heard something move outside the house. Taking cautious steps, she walked towards the door, her cane serving as her guide.

\--

  
V saw everything, from the way Saeran held her in his arms and until the time (Name) gave him Lily of the Valley. V saw it all, and his heart broke at the sight.

He wanted to give up.

V wanted to see her playing for the last time, before finally accepting her decision and to walk away from her life, to remain as friends if she would give him that privelege. He stared at her through the glass window, her voice and playing left him feel more complicated and hurt. It was a beautiful sound, so beautiful that he knew it wasn't for him, it was now for someone else. V felt a lump form in his throat.

_"I love you."_

He walked away, stealing one last glance before murmuring the words he always wanted to say to her.

"V?"

V stopped in his tracks, the sound of her cane tapping on the pavement coming closer, he slowly turned around to look at her, ready to apologize for coming in to check on her that day, for being so persisent. Despite her clear rejection the other night, he wanted to break through the walls she built, because he knew that she is still there.

Although he wasn't sure if the way she feels about him is still the same.

"You're here again."

The way (Name) knows his presence before he could announce himself always kept him wondering, he was expecting that cold look on her face, but instead he was greeted with small smile, and V couldn't help but break into a smile himself,

"Sorry, I was planning on visiting you but I didn't know you were playing, did I disturb you?"

"Not at all. Please, come inside."

Her long skirt swayed with the wind, V guided her inside her house by holding her hand and the small of hee back lightly. She stiffened, and gently moved away from his touch. It was no wonder she acted that way, two years might have passed too quickly, but for her, it wasn't. He almost became blind, and to have each day pass by with almost not seeing anything was painfully long for him. Along with the fact that the person she always wanted to be with wasn't with him. V knew the feeling very well.

"Do you want tea? Or coffee?" V kept his eyes fixed on her as she went to kitchen counter, her hands on the jars beside the sink, her fingers feeling some letters engraved on them. His heart sunk at the sight, he went to her, taking the the mugs and cups from the side that she might get knocked over.

He never got this close to her, ever since they shared that kiss, and remembering that night made him blush beet red.

"No, please. I am already full. But what about you?do you want coffee or tea?" He asked, his hand brushed over hers unintentionally.

"Um..." she backed away, dropping her cane on the floor, both of them wanted to pick it up but she stopped when V handed it over to her. She smiled faintly, hoping that she was facing the same direction where V is.

"Thank you," she mumbled under her breath.

"You're welcome," (Name) could tell that they were close with each other, so she cleared her throat, hoping for V to get the message she wanted to say. But he didn't move an inch, instead he closed the distancw between them even more, and she backed away with each step he makes.

"Stop right there," she placed her hands in front of her, "if you have something to say you can-- huh?"

She stiffened when V embraced her, his head on the crook of her neck, his breaths shaky. No words were spoken, yet she could feel his desperation and loneliness for her. (Name) would push him away if she didn't get to realize how cruel her actions were to people around her. Yet for some reason, his touch stings her, and she couldn't push him away.

"V..." She spoke, barely audible,

He finally let her go, but she could tell tears were starting to form in her eyes,

"I don't want to give up on you" V's voice was getting hoarse as he spoke, brushing her hair away from her face.

"Why?" She asked, feeling remorseful, for having V see her on her worst, not only V, but for Saeran who always stood by her side and made her come back into the world even though she completely shut herself in their home, away from her family, away from RFA.

V's hands cupped her face, wiping the tears on her cheeks. She was crying, the unexpected arrival of V on her worst days made her feel vulnerable, her walls were completely broken that day, and it was the person she loved from many years ago who broke through them.

"I'm sorry I had to leave you. I'm sorry you didn't hear anything from me until months later, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I want to stay with you, this time, and as long as you want me to--"

"Don't apologize, you needed to leave for yourself. I'm not your burden, and I dont want to be one. I'm sorry... I'm sorry, for hurting you and the RFA."

She apologized repeatedly, and V had to reassure her that its okay.

"Give us a chance, give me a chance. Please."

She broke away from his firm hold, smiling lightly, she spoke, choosing her next words carefully.

"Alright. I'll tell Saeran about it, so we could meet the rest of the RFA members soon. Thank you, V."

It was like a burden was removed from his chest, he grinned, ecstatic about finally opening up again.

It was then that V knew, he wasn't going to give her up easily.


	17. Four Seasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Out there is a world full of life waiting for us,  
> My four seasons are in love with you.”

 

**_“Out there is a world full of life waiting for us,_ **

**_My four seasons are in love with you.”_ **

That afternoon, she continued to wait for Saeran at the front porch, a book in her hand. V's persuasion, and Saeran's words earlier that morning finally convinced her to a decision to finally meet the rest of the RFA; a thought that always occupied her mind for almost two years.

The wind blew softly, the warm rays of the sun feels quite nice on her skin that spring day. She felt at peace, even if she got the chance to reconcile with everyone, she'd still choose to live here, along with Saeran.

It didn't took long for him to arrive just as she was thinking of him. The familiar sound of the car engine stopped by the garage, she immediately stood up, waiting and to welcome him just as she always did.

She greeted him warmly, and Saeran did the same. Handing her a bouquet even if they already got one, fresh from the garden and the field of flowers just in front of the house. She reached her hand to his face, stroking his left cheek lightly.

"Welcome home, Saeran."

"Yes, I'm home." He smiled, leaning to her hand. They both went back inside the house, hand in hand. He made her sit on one of the chairs in the kitchen, while making some beverages for them to drink,

"Iced or Hot chocolate?"

"Hmm. Iced? Let's have warm milk later before we go to bed."

He smiled, finishing making the iced chocolate drink for the two of them. Tapping her shoulder gently, he made her put her hand on his arm, so that he could guide her on the couch. Setting the tray on the table,

 Saeran gently took the book from her hands, she could hear him flipping each page of the book, until he stopped, continuing from where he left off the yesterday.  Not even an hour passed and he could hear her steady breathing, carefully looking down on her face, where she was sleeping soundly. Saeran made her lie down on the couch, before draping a blanket over her shoulder.

He stood up to prepare dinner for the both of them, he then took one glance at her face, stealing a kiss just on top of her head.

….

She woke up past 5 in the afternoon, just enough time for the sun to set. Rubbing her eyes groggily, she felt a blanket fall over to the floor. Reaching beside her, she almost panicked when she did not find Saeran there. She walked over to the kitchen, hoping to find him there.

“Saeran?” she called his name repeatedly, as she stood up and reached to find for her cane. The smell of dinner surrounded the room, relief washed over her.

 

“Saeran?”

“Oh, you’re awake. Did you have a nice sleep?”

“Actually, I had a dream. Unpleasant one.”

He walked towards her, his hands landed on top of her head, smoothing her hair from both sides, a gesture of reassurance. Holding both of his hands, she asked him;

“Can you see the sunset with me?”

“Of course,”

Saeran lead her to the garden, but not without putting on insect repellent cream on their arms and legs. They both sat on the bench that overlooks the field of flowers, the setting sun almost hidden by the mountains and the transition of the skies changed from warm orange, pinks and violets into the color of the night sky. Saeran described the colors of the clouds that day, the stars and the moon. It was like any other day, but he could feel something bothering her,

She leaned to his shoulder, where Saeran stretched is right arm wide enough so that she could rest comfortably in his chest, (Name) listened carefully to his voice, at the same time listening to his steady heartbeat. She closed her eyes, feeling his fingers brush over her forehead.

Blushing at the contact, she smiled at him, instead of removing his hand, she intertwined it with his, it made Saeran surprised, but it didn’t stop him from squeezing her hand back.

“I dreamt of your father, taking you away from me.” She spoke first, and that what surprised Saeran. He was sure that his sibling and him started a new life clean, and the thought was so sudden he didn’t know what to say.

“And I was even more afraid when I woke up without you by my side” she squeezed his hand, and he did the same to her

“I’m sorry, don’t worry about anything. I’m here, I’ll always be here”

"Saeran... I have something to say," her tone of voice was very familiar to him, it made him feel uneasy; as if she’s about to say something that he somehow did not want to hear.

"Mm..." he responded,playing with her hair

"V came to our house earlier, he asked me to give him a chance, to give RFA a chance." Her thumb traced patterns to the back of his hand, easing the heavy feeling in his stomach.

Saeran stopped playing with her hair, instead answered her with silence, he was glad that she finally started to open up, to the possibility of having a reunion and reconciliation with the rest of the RFA members, but what was the feeling of fear and loneliness he felt?

"Saeran...?" She called to him again, worried that he might not agree. Her worried voice made him answer her, in the best way he could, so that he would not make her worry.

"Sorry, I was just lost in thought, so...what's your decision?" He asked seriously,

"I've thought about it... what you said, what Seon Jae said. I'd want to talk with them again. So that I can move forward, so that we can move forward."

"Mm. Then I'm glad to hear that." (Name) felt Saeran's lips on the top of her head, she snuggled herself close to him. The sudden closeness they both shared was making Saeran feel happy yet complicated. It will only be a matter of weeks, before she might tell him of leaving the house and move in once more with V. It scares him, but he should prepare himself. It was for her own good, and she said it herself, for them to move forward. Even if it meant he had to move forward without her

"Thank you, for staying with me all this time. Thank you, Saeran." She said, and he returned her embrace, hugging her tightly as he could,

“I have one request for you,” he managed to say, despite him biting his lower lip hard that it might bleed, “Please tell me, your plans, when you decide to leave and finally live your own life _with him,_ just as you wanted it to.”

She stiffened under him, tilting her head so that her hands could easily cup his face; it was no mistake that he was afraid, It didn’t dawn to her that he might be afraid of the thought of her leaving him. She tried to know, to feel, how Saeran thinks as of the moment.

She wiped the corner of his eyes, there’re tears that were already there, and the thought of him being alone because of her made her sad as well. She made him close his eyes, bringing her lips to each of them, giving it a light peck for multiple times, down to Saeran’s nose, his cheeks, and lastly, she planted a kiss this time on his lips; a lingering kiss that she somehow hoped would ease Saeran’s fear.

Hands still on his cheeks, she could feel how warm they were compared to before.

“Wha…w-why…” Saeran stuttered,

“I…. don’t want to stay like this anymore.” She said,

Saeran later chuckled, “Was… was that some sort of a goodbye?”

“No, I am hoping it was a beginning.” She spoke, praying Saeran feels the same,

Saeran gasped, and it was only then he knew what she was trying to say,

“Let me stay with you (Name). Move forward with me, let’s move forward, let’s continue living our lives. I hope you feel the same way, I don’t know how I could suddenly say this, there’s a feeling in me that… I don’t want you to go,” Saeran looked down on on his lap, “Of course, I didn’t mean that… I don’t want you to meet with RFA and V, what I mean is… please, continue staying by my side. I know I am asking too much, and I’m sorry.”

“It never crossed my mind, leaving you, or moving forward without you in my life.” This time, she played with his hair, gently, “I may not be able to see you, how hurt you must’ve been. But I could feel it, the fear, loneliness. I don’t know if I could still express the emotions through my eyes but I want you to feel how I feel. That’s how we always do it, right? Feel…” she brought his hand to her face, holding it so desperately that she leaned her face close to them,

He didn’t waste another minute of hesitation, Saeran enveloped her in his arms, so tight that his fear started to disappear, she returned his embrace, warm tears cascading down her face,

“I love you…” he whispered to her ear, and she did the same,

“I love you too, Saeran.” She said back, tears of happiness on their cheeks, and a newfound love that’s built over the four seasons. “I’m in love with you, and so are my seasons,”

 

> **_If you and I stay together through our four seasons,_ **
> 
> **_My heart will never suffer_ **
> 
> **_Let me make a huge house for you_ **
> 
> **_Let me make a garden to walk in for you_ **
> 
> **_And when the first days of spring awakens_ **
> 
> **_The violets into beautiful bloom_ **
> 
> **_I will embrace you with new garment gorgeously groomed_ **
> 
> **_Before the hot summer arrives,_ **
> 
> **_Shall we make our vow of the seasons?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Four seasons are owned by Cheritz, (so are the mysme characters, I only own Seon Ho, Seon Jae, AND Seon Joo)
> 
> Feedbacks are as always greatly appreciated! Thank you so much for reading this far.


	18. Nights Shared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it took me so long to write this chapter. Sorry for the wait! as always feedbacks are always greatly appreciated!
> 
> thank you to everyone who made it this far!

_Even though Saeran was her pillar of strength ever since they were children, (Name) knew that despite his now strong and reliable exterior was also someone who is still very fragile-- and also had his share of a memory he wanted to forget._

* * *

 

Living together for two years doesn't mean they didn't have any further struggles individually,

Both struggled in silence, afraid of being a burden to each other. 

 The colorful and warm days spent together were always replaced by fearful, and cold nights for the each of them. For her, spending the night alone in her bed, thinking that tomorrow will be another day seeing nothing. There's only a little difference being awake at day and asleep by night, perhaps the only thing that she looked forward for was the scent of flowers, the sensation of warm rays and the wind, and of course, spending another day with Saeran and with her family who visits her from time to time.

 It wasn't that having to experience those things everyday wasn't enough. In fact, it was just what they wanted for from fourteen years ago. Instead, she just felt like something was lacking; she wanted to cherish those days with seeing eyes, it makes her lonely at times. But the feeling quickly vanishes, replaced by satisfaction. She was not the kind of woman who asks for the moon. 

 As for Saeran, beginning a new life doesn't mean that it meant his father won't track him and his twin down. He and Saeyoung had to hack and erase traces of them from time to time until they can no longer find them. The process continues on and on, it even haunts him in his dreams; and his only safe place was by her side, he always felt at ease, he felt at home. 

 Even though the day where they confessed their feelings for each other was supposed to be a happy day for him, he can't find himself to become completely elated of the relationship they both now shared, he's still reluctant. If he wanted to make her safe, he has two choices; attack his father in the form of information, but the success of the plan cannot be determined. After all, his father has connections. They had to be very careful. 

 The second choice was to let her go,

 Both choices weren’t easy,

And that night wasn't an excuse for their father to chase them down, although it is only in his dream. Saeran can still feel the fear, of them having to run away again, and fear that (Name) can be in danger because of them. 

He woke up to someone having their hands on his hair, playing with it gently. He blushed upon opening his eyes, seeing the woman he loved so dearly, "Saeran, I'm here." She said, lightly touching his face this time. Saeran find it cute, that she may crept by his side while he's whimpering. After all, only a thin wall seperates the two of them at night, and ever since she lost her sight, her other senses compensated.

 "Don't worry, I'm here. I'll stay with you," her fingers lightly brushed on his cheek, Simple words and gesture it might be, but it was filled with security and warmth that he craved for.

 "Was... was I loud?"  _Oh no_ , he thought to himself, the embarrassment evident in his cheeks. _'That sounded so wrong in many ways.'_

She nodded her head sideways, "No, it's just you know how it is," she chuckled, sheepishly. Saeran could feel the fast beating of his heart. He never thought he'd share a night like this with the woman he loved for how who knows how long, he made her snuggle close to his chest, blushing at the closeness they share and at the same time contented smile on his face. 

 Wrapping her arms around his torso, she snuggled closer to him, her face buried on the crook of his neck. She was supposed to make him feel safe, just as he did for her. She smiled warmly, showing him that she’s not worried about him. But once she snuggled her face close to his chest, worry was now clearly etched in her face,

 Even though Saeran was her pillar of strength ever since they were children, (Name) knew that despite his now strong and reliable exterior was also someone who is still very fragile-- and also had his share of a memory he wanted to forget. 

 She knew everything-- from his mother to his father, and the things Saeran and Saeyoung went through. She was there, she was with him.

 Remembering the things her lover went through made her clutch his dresshirt, her other hand soothing his back. It still breaks her heart, she wishes their newfound love was somehow able to soothe his fears. It wasn't guilt, it wasn't fear either. She has thought about it for a long time.

 "Good night, Saeran." She lifted her face close to his sleeping ones, giving a peck on his cheek. 

 -- 

 Saeran woke up to a feeling of being caressed by a pair of soft hands. He fluttered his eyes opened, to see her gently cupping his cheeks. He smiled, holding her hand while he leaned to her touch. He could see the tinge of pink in her cheeks. Saeran could get used to waking up like this, 

 "Good morning, did I wake you up?" She said with a shy smile on her face, "I'm sorry, I can't see you so I want to at least... touch your face." Saeran had to fight the urge to hold her in his arms real tight, she looked so beautiful in the morning,

 "Don't apologize, I... I like it. You, waking me up like this."  Saeran smoothed her short, wavy hair, before planting a kiss on her forehead, “Good morning too, thank you for staying with me last night. I didn’t bother your sleep, did I?” he asked.

“No, you didn’t. In fact, I haven’t slept comfortably in years as last night,” she snuggled closer to him, her face a few centimeters away from his,

“Saeran, do you still have teal colored eyes and bleached hair? Or did you stop wearing contacts?” she asked seriously,

“Haha, no. I stopped wearing contacts, and I dyed my hair black.” He chuckled,

“Ah, you must still looked so good. I loved that golden-colored eyes of yours, even when we were still children, it’s too bad that I…” she trailed off, “Mm, nevermind.”

“What is it, tell me.” He said, leaning closer to her,

“Saeran I may not be able to see you, but ” she said, with a sad look in her unseeing eyes that Saeran knew so much. His jaw clenched, his thumb ran across her cheeks, “I want to wake up like this every day beside you first thing in the morning,”

He smiled bitterly, knowing that what she desired the most was now something out of reach. He wanted her to see just like she used to, he was willing to take a risk even if the chance was small.

“I’m sorry, I’m not making sense am I? I’m asking too much,”

Saeran spoke, seriously. Choosing his next words carefully, he did not want to ignite her hopes up. For he knows, how a little disappointment could get her down.

“We will find a way,”

She just smiled towards him,

“Thank you.”

__

The RFA members were gathered in Jaehee’s coffee shop, excited and at the same time unsure of what to tell her when they finally see her, they had a lot of questions in their mind but one thing is for sure; they wanted to see her first and to their best to help her.

Saeyoung nor V didn’t exactly tell them the exact date and time that they’re going to meet the former RFA coordinator. They just knew that it will be sooner, and  Jumin was doing his best in order to contact the best  surgeon to treat her eyes.

Her condition, as V told them, was a rare disease that is passed down genetically. It can be treated through surgery at a young age if detected early. But due to the circumstances she had as a child she didn’t had a chance to get treated early. The chances of surgery during adulthood were slim, so she never tried.

Jaehee, along with Yoosung prepares some coffee for all of them, the meeting was rather sudden, especially after hearing from Saeyoung that she wanted to meet them soon.

“I really don’t know what to say when I finally meet her again, after almost two years.” Zen spoke first, looking at his coffee.

“Neither of us do, and I’m sure she’s the same,” Jaehee answered, holding her husband’s arm.

“We had a lot questions to ask, but we must be careful not to flood our questions to her, If this is hard for us, then it must be very hard for her too.” Jumin spoke, putting his hand on top of Jaehee’s. All of them looked down at her feet, a conflicted look on their faces.

“It is, indeed. I mean, even V had a hard time convincing her. If I’m not mistaken, he asked her for months, and considering that she loved him for a long time,” Zen added.

“Things changed over two years, Zen. She said that herself. I had my own faults too, I wasn’t there when she needed me, so…” V said with a sad smile on his face, the actor regretted saying anything that was related to their relationship from years ago. V felt the same, he loved her, and he still does. If it is painful for them, it must have been more painful for V and (Name) So he kept quiet, the whole room was quiet, as if thinking what to say to her.

They heard the chime on the door ring, revealing Saeyoung with a smile on his face. The all looked to him. Their hearts pounding, wondering if the RFA Coordinator can finally able to face them.

Saeyoung moved aside, to reveal (Name), her eyes downward, as if not looking anywhere else. She was donned in white dress and gray cardigan. Her right arm linked to Saeran while her left hand holds a cane, her hold on Saeran became tight as she hid her face behind his back. His lover, on the other hand whispered her reassurance. She slowly moved to face them, trying to give them a smile.

“Hello,” she said so awkwardly that even she couldn’t help but flinch at her greeting.

Jaehee, couldn’t help but walk towards her closest friend, she couldn’t care less about her tear stricken face. Saeran moved aside to give the friends more room. Jaehee reached for her hand, holding it tight, not wanting to let go, while (Name) cupped her face on Jaehee’s cheek, before moving her hands to her long, wavy hair.

“You’ve gotten much more beautiful, Jaehee.” She said, smiling faintly at Jaehee.

Jaehee wasn’t able to control herself anymore and threw her arms around her friend, whom she missed so much. She returned the gesture, now joining Jaehee as they both sobbed in each other’s arms

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jaehee.” She said repeatedly to Jaehee, she knew that apologizing could never be enough for the pain and overthinking she caused them, if it weren’t for V and Saeran, she could never realize how her actions were selfish, the only thing she knew about Jaehee was that she got married to Jumin. They were invited to the wedding, but she wasn’t able to come due to her cowardice, she knew that herself, she can’t also spoil their happy moment with the news of her going blind at that time.

Saeran looked at the RFA members, everyone has tears in their eyes, including Jumin, who even tried to conceal it by closing his eyes. But the redness in his cheeks and his nose gives him away, Saeran was happy that she finally faced her biggest fear, of facing them after two years of not saying anything.

Jaehee broke apart from their embrace, giving each member of the RFA to give her greetings, Jumin followed soon to his wife, rubbing Jaehee’s back while still wiping her tears,

“Noona… Noona.” Yoosung called her repeatedly, his hand reached out to hers and held it with both of his hands, “Noona, I became a veterinarian just like I promised, I missed you, Noona. How are you? I’m sorry I didn’t try to contact you or to ask Saeran how you were doing, I--“

“Yoosung…” she smiled warmly, hoping that somehow her face was facing the right way, facing Yoosung, the one she treated as a brother among RFA members. “Yoosung i—“

“(Name)! You don’t have to say anything right now. You can apologize later, you can tell us your reasons. We can talk later as a group, as RFA members. We first wanted to say…” Finally hearing Zen’s voice, she couldn’t help but grin, it was the voice that she and Jaehee loved so much to hear in plays.

“Zen…”

“I hate to agree to what Zen is saying but he is right. We wanted to say,” Jumin added. She could hear their voice closer to them now.

 “Welcome back. Our dear coordinator!” they all said in unison, she could picture them in her mind. The RFA members she loved so much, her friends, her third family. Her lower lip is shaking as well as her hands that she had to grip her cane tight so that she could support herself from overwhelming emotions coursing through her body. She felt apologetic, she felt happy, she felt at home.

“Yes… it’s good to be back, thank you for waiting for me!” she managed to smile even with the tears flowing from her eyes down to her cheeks.

It wasn’t long before she felt arms were hugging her. It’s them, it’s the family she missed for two years, the family who awaited for her return.

“Thank you, and I’m sorry.” Her sobs were comforted by the rest of the RFA members. Their warmth easing her cries.

The Choi twins looked at them from a few tables away, a smile on their faces that she finally made a big step forward. The same was with V, who was also teary eyed as his gazed were focused on the group. He was glad, that finally, they were complete.

\--

The night didn’t simply went through without her having to explain her side, what she had been doing up until now,

“I had this condition even before I’ve become a member of RFA. I became blind after six months since I last saw you all. I couldn’t face you, I was afraid, I had to get myself up again…”

“I… it must have hurt, we couldn’t blame you for distancing yourself like that…”

“Yes, it hurts. It’s very frustrating. But, distancing myself from all of you is one of the most selfish thing I did. I should have let you all know, even before this happened. I just left without any explanation and that’s unfair. Saeyoung told me, that you’ve been asking where I am, because of my selfishness I even asked him and Saeran to keep where I am a secret. I’m a coward, and I’m sorry, I could never apologize enough.” She played with her hands, biting her lower lip at her confession and apology,

“(Name)…” Jaehee spoke, the air was tense, and neither of them didn’t know what to say first.

 Saeran, noticing (Name)’s state, immediately intertwined his hand with hers. She immediately relaxed at the familiar touch.

“Noona, what have you been doing if you can’t paint or write anymore?” Yoosung said bashfully, which earned him a light slap on his arm from Zen.

“You shouldn’t ask things like that!” he said, everyone in the room agreed with Zen.

“Ow! I’m sorry! I know that it is insensitive but I just wanted to know how she coped so that we can also help…” Yoosung said, (Name) chuckled, feeling thankful at Yoosung’s concern.

“It’s fine, Zen. Saeran and I owns a flower shop, just near our home. We also take care of flowers, field of flowers in front of our house. I’m also composing music, by piano of course. That’s what I’ve been up to. My paintings on exhibits were my past works, before I completely lost my sight. If you’ve noticed them, they’re quite lacking in details.”

“But they were still beautiful if you’d ask me, especially that big painting you made!” Yoosung exclaimed,

“Light and daffodils?” she asked, without a hint of jealousy or pain laced in her voice, despite that she made them for V and Rika. The painting made the rest of the RFA worried, even Saeran.

“Alright, now I’m going to seal your mouth with a tape!” Zen said,

“Ahaha. Yes, it’s not for sale though. It’s my gift for V.” she said so casually that V clenched his coat that was on his lap, how could she say those?

“I received it, but I’d rather not accept it.”

V was quiet the whole time, so hearing him spoke for the first time that night, on a crucial timing made all of them feel awkward. The smile on (Name’s) face quickly dissolved into a frown, the rest were quiet. Zen just dragged Yoosung away, into the kitchen.

“And for what reason?” Saeran asked.

“I don’t want it because it reminds me of the pain (Name) went through, while making it.” V said, looking straight at Saeran. She felt Saeran tensed, so she spoke. Hoping to ease the turmoil.

“Is it just me or… those three are…” Jaehee directed the question to Saeyoung, who simply nodded his head with an amused expression

“Yep, they are in a complicated situation.”

“This reunion might turn to chaos if no one will stop them.” Jumin said, rubbing his temples.

“V, I’d like to talk. Just the two of us.” She stood up, asking Saeyoung to bring her to a closest private place where they could talk. V followed suit, while Saeran was left behind,

V looked down at the woman beside him. Her hands resting on top of the cane that serves as her guide when Saeran was not around. His lips was pursed shut, unable to say a thing when she decided to sit down beside him. It was maybe the first time in months that he knew they were actually just going to have a normal conversation, not just him pushing her to meet them.

He could never ask for anything else, what he asked for was already before his eyes. The RFA members were gleefully talking to each other over drinks— now, the only thing he wished for was for her to get her eyesight back.

“The wind feels nice, it must be late at night, am I right, V?” she smiled faintly, rubbing her hands over her cane. V draped his coat over her shoulders,

“Yes, that’s why we shouldn’t be out in the veranda like this.” He said, the mug of hot chocolate he ordered earlier was meant for (name) so V brought it close to her lips.

“Smells great, thank you.” Taking the mug from his hands she took a sip, sighing in satisfaction as she smiled a little,

“This reminds me of the night in Jumin’s veranda.” V added, which made the air between the awkward.

“Well… that’s a long time ago,” she answered. She knew it was no use to think about that night. It was nothing for her now, just a fleeting could be romance that may have happened. But she was not about to brush off the feelings, she wanted to settle the confusion once and for all.

“Thank you for doing this. I thought it would take a much longer time for you to finally meet us,” he spoke first, while she didn’t move an inch, “But I’m sorry for spoiling it,”

“No, I think it’s also time I should talk with you. I… I was anxious at first. It wasn’t easy, going out like this. And it wasn’t easy for them too, who was left behind, they didn’t have any idea of where I am and what has happened to me in the course of two years. I feel awful at what I did, and I could never apologize enough.” She finally said,

“And I want to apologize too, for suddenly giving up on you, on us. I could never face you with this, and everything with Rika… I heard from Seven, I was really jealous at that time. I feel helpless, unlovable. So,    I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, V” she said,

V doesn’t want to accept her apologies, no. All he wanted was a chance to be with her, to give her the love he can’t give to her before.

“What if I don’t want to accept your apology?” he said, and she could feel that he was serious.

“V, I’d understand. But I think I had the right to give up on you, right?”

“That’s why I don’t want to accept your apology. Because I want to make it up to you. Because I love you, after all this years, even before I left, and I want to love you right this time, I’m not yet too late, am I?” he held both of her hands, so that she can cup his face. She took a deep breath, her heart pounding and her mind thinking of the words she’s going to say next,

“V, if you said that a year ago, or earlier, I would have been very happy. I would probably be in cloud nine, to have my love been returned for years, I wouldn’t ask for more,” she smiled faintly, and she took a deep breath once more, gathering the courage to say the words to him,

“Then, we still have a chance right?’ he asked, and the desperation in his voice hurts her.

“But V,  things are different now. I love Saeran, I love him so much. He helped me move forward, and to accept myself despite of what happened to me, and in the process, I started loving him. Saeran feels the same way I do.” Her hand fell back to her cane, she might not see him but she could feel, that his feelings were true.

And it was hard rejecting the man he loved for years

“V, I don’t want to hurt you further. I’m sorry, so please give up on me, just like I have given up on you.”


	19. More Than This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm broken, do you hear me?  
> I'm blinded, 'cause you are everything I see

**Nineteen: More than This**

 “What if I don’t want to accept your apology?” he said, and she could feel that he was serious.

“V, I’d understand. But I think I had the right to give up on you, right?”

“That’s why I don’t want to accept your apology. Because I want to make it up to you. Because I love you, after all this years, even before I left, and I want to love you right this time, I’m not yet too late, am I?” he held both of her hands, so that she can cup his face. She took a deep breath, and V could see the conflicted look in her face, it was more than enough answer for V. but he still hoped, that this was the right time for them. He still hoped, that in the last two years of restraining himself to go home while he’s still incomplete will be worth it, that he’ll come back complete, just as she deserved it.

“V, if you said that a year ago, or earlier, I would have been very happy. I would probably be in cloud nine, to have my love been returned for years, I wouldn’t ask for more,” she smiled faintly, and she took a deep breath once more, what she just said was like a small spark of hope.

“Then, we still have a chance right?’ he asked, and even he was surprised at the desperation in his voice.

 “But V, things are different now. I love Saeran, I love him so much. He helped me move forward, and to accept myself despite of what happened to me, and in the process, I started loving him. Saeran feels the same way I do. We both love each other,” Her hand fell back to her cane, and world stopped for V. that confession, the love and the conflicted look in her eyes made him realize that he was crying himself, for the time he wasted, thinking that things will be as it should be when he came back.

But he was wrong all this time,

And his biggest regret was not being with her for the past two years,

V could see her lips trembling, her eyes, puffy from crying as she rubbed both of his hands, it felt warm, just like it always did. And the warmth he missed so much was now here. V savoured the sensation of being able to hold her hands like this, she squeezed his hand one last time, before letting them go, back to the cold steel of her cane, and she uttered the words that he never wanted to hear.

“V, I don’t want to hurt you further. I’m sorry, so please give up on me, just like I have given up on you.”

 _Give up._ The painful words resonates on his head, while he stared blankly at her. The tears won’t stop falling from his eyes. Never did the thought of giving up on her reached his mind. Even for months, of continuously asking her, to meet them. V loved her even before he was complete

And he could love her more than that.

“The… the last thing I’ll ever do was to give up on you,” he tried not let her hear the shaking of his voice, but failed. His breaths coming out as fog in the cold night air. He bit his lower lip, trying to stifle out the sob. He embraced her, making sure to remember how it felt having her in his arms for the last time. He smoothed out her short hair, planting kisses on them, before burying his head on the crook of her neck. The familiar scent of clean cotton and lavender brought a lot of memories. The time they fell in love, the time she kissed him, and everything else.

“V—“

“This is selfish, but please. Stay a little while, let’s stay a little while like this,” V begged, “when you leave out of that door, I promise not to bother you and Saeran, so please. Please…” his embraced on her tightened, “Let me hold you like

And for the last time, on that night, she let V become selfish.

\--

“She’s crying.” Yoosung accidentally said out loud, Saeran looked toward their direction. It was true, she really was crying. This caused Saeran to feel anxious about her talk with V. was she hurt? Did she come to realize everything? He was afraid that what she really felt for him was only guilt and not really love. It was even more nerve wrecking when V embraced her, unable to see them any longer, he excused himself.

“I need to get some fresh air,” he said, looking only down at his feet. He felt like he needed to give himself some time. He wanted to trust her, because he loves her. More than he could ever love anyone.

Saeran may never admit it but the biggest threat when it comes to her was V, he could never compare himself to the man she loved for years, to the man she risked her life with. He was her first love, and V loves her the same way she did. The sour taste on h

He was now thinking of a solution, on what to do in case she realized her true feelings. No matter how many times he prepared himself for this, he knew to himself that he still couldn’t completely cope or accept. But he has to either way, for it is the only way to move forward, it is what he promised to himself after all, he has to move forward no matter what.

His breath comes out as a fog with every sigh he makes in attempt to stop himself from panicking. He looked at his reflection in the car window. The red color of his hair starting to show among the colors of jet black. His golden eyes dull.

That was when his phone rang, Saeyoung was calling him. He has to answer it, no matter what. He had to compose himself.

“Yes, hyung.” He said in a whisper,

“(Name) was looking for you,”

Saeran nodded, before ending the call. He straightened himself. Trying to make himself presentable not only in the eyes of the RFA but also to the woman who can see him and his emotions, even without her eyesight.

When he came back, V was nowhere to be found. Only her, in the middle of the RFA members. There was no sign of puffiness from her eyes, only that pained look hidden behind the smile she shared among the rest of the members.

“Saeran?” she suddenly called out to him in the middle of the conversation she’s having with everyone, this made the rest of the RFA members to look at him. With a smile, she asked him where he went. Everyone at the room had their eyes on the two of them,

“I just went outside for a while,” he smiled warmly. But Saeran’s excuse made her frown.

 “Noona, I’m amazed at how you could tell it’s Saeran-hyung, even when he hasn’t spoken yet.” Yoosung said, looking amazed at her, this caused a blush to form on her cheeks, with a shy smile, she attempted to answer them, but stopped when Saeran answered instead.  Saeran blushed at Yoosung’s question, completely baffled that everyone was looking at them curiously,

“Ah… well, we’ve been together since we were children. I also lived with her for years so I guess she kind of got used to me…” he sheepishly answered, Jaehee made room for the two of them so that Saeran can sit down beside her. Once he sat down, (Name) immediately reached for his hand before giving it a squeeze,

“Also, I know it’s him because when you… when you love someone, I think, even if you can’t see them physically you feel them with your heart. That’s why I know, that Saeran is Saeran.” She said, a smile gracing her face, a smile that’s full of love towards him.

“Well, that just how it really works, Yoosung. When you love someone you just-- Wait did I just hear what you said? Did I interpret that right?” Saeyoung asked, completely shocked of what she just said. Saeran was blushing madly, he had to look down on their intertwined hands to avoid the looks of the RFA members gave them.

“I’ll leave that to your own interpretation, Saeyoung.” She said teasingly, tracing patterns on the back of Saeran’s hand.

“Are you two in a relationship?” Saeyoung pressed the question to his brother, whose left hand is barely covering the blush covering his cheeks,

“For almost a month now.” She answered instead, smiling lovingly at Saeran.

“Oh my, that’s good news!” Jaehee exclaimed, happy for her friend whose face was blooming with love. Saeran, on the other hand got teased by the rest of the RFA members, especially Yoosung and Saeyoung.

Then there was this feeling of conflict in her. She loves Saeran, she knows that. But knowing that V, was there outside while she announced their love, in order for Saeran to feel secured, and that as well would be another thing.

She spoiled the reunion; it may not show with the rest of the members, but they knew, the three of them that was entangled in this string of fate knew to themselves that one of them has to go.

So with a heavy heart, she asked for her and Saeran to go home. To finally move forward, praying for V to move forward without her holding him back.

-

Everyone was all smiles, except Jumin. His eyes were fixed on the couple as they went out of the door, it was no doubt that she was telling the truth; that she loves Saeran, but there was a look of pain hidden behind that smiles. It could only mean one thing; she rejected V’s feelings, and she felt bad for him. She may not love him the same way as now, but she loved him before for years.

It was kind of awkward for Jumin to notice these kind of things. But as V’s friend, he couldn’t help but worry for him. Not to mention, he’s been in the veranda for almost an hour now. He stood up quietly, leaving the rest of the members. Jumin knew more than anyone else that V wanted to be left alone, yet he couldn’t bear to leave him behind, especially now that he was left all alone once more.

“Hey,” he said first. What he got in return was a chuckle and a dark look in his friend’s face.

“Did they leave already?” V’s question was brief, still avoiding to look into Jumin’s face.

“Yes, they already left,” he answered, putting a distance between the two of them. He may not see V’s face but his voice tells everything. Jumin let out a sigh, knowing that his presence wouldn’t make any difference in comforting his friend.

“V, if you have nothing to do tomorrow, can you come to my office? I need help in looking for my new assistant.” Jumin said, not even waiting for an answer from V.

 

The ride back home was quiet, and none of them even dared to ask a question. Even though (Name) already reassured Saeran of their love, the air between them was still as tense. There’s only one thing to do, and that is to tell Saeran of what really happened.

His warm hand guided her out of the car, and just as she got out of the car, his coat was draped over her shoulder, where she asked to remove it from hers so that Saeran can feel warm. She just asked instead for him to wrap his arm on her shoulders.

Red faced, she let him guide her, just as Saeran always did,

The moment they entered into the house, she immediately asked him if she can stay with Saeran for the night. Despite the nervousness they both shared, Saeran agreed.

They shared the same bed, cuddled in each other’s arms. She gathered all her courage to tell Saeran what happened. She wanted to be transparent when it comes to him. Knowing that trust is the foundation of their relationship, she had to do it.

Saeran was quiet, listening to every word that she says. And she couldn’t feel the jealousy that was present earlier. When she was done talking, Saeran thanked her and embraced her so tight that she wanted to cry. She didn’t know that loving someone so much can feel so warm and reassuring.

“Saeran, I know I've said this to you a thousand times, but thank you. For loving me, for taking care of me, for being patient with me" she spoke, resting her chin on her chest so that he could see her fully, she only wished that she could do the same to him, to look into his golden eyes that she loved so much.

"When my eyesight comes back, I promise it will be my turn. I will be the one who will take care of you. I will make you breakfast, lunch and other meals and snacks. We'll go to work together. We'll watch the sunsets, we'll have small dates in the garden, and I..."

"I'll make sure to love you more than I loved anyone else" she said, her lips brushed on the crook of Saeran's neck, giving it a light peck over and over again. Until her hands found their way to the collar of his dress shirt, unbuttoning them gently, baring his smooth skin underneath,

Saeran was flustered by her actions, that the tingling sensation and the gentle touch she makes on his bare skin makes him embarrased, and at the same time unable to think straight. His hands held her shoulders gently, wanting to make her stop at the same time unable to do so.

The light pecks turned into something more intimate, and Saeran could barely control himself. He closed his eyes at the unfamiliar feeling.  It took all of his willpower to stop her, and bringing her face closer to his. He smiled, brushing the hair away from her face. If only she could see the loving look in his eyes, her reflection, how she glowed in the moonlight.

"Saeran... I love you." She said, her thumb brushing his lower lip, and his hand played with her hair. She lay on top of him, their lips merely few centimeters away. Saeran noticed that her hooded eyes clouded with desire. And he blushed, knowing that he was the same. But he wanted it to be special,

"I love you too," his voice came out hoarse.  And with that, she kissed him again. So passionate that Saeran felt the urge to hold her closer against him. His hand found their way on her lower back, and the other tilting her head to the side so that he can kiss her deeply. It was full of wanting and love for each other. He can see the tinge of pink in her cheeks and he knew he was the same. But he didn't care, he loved her so much he doesn't think he can stop.

They switched positions so that he was now on top of her, his lips travelled down to her neck, doing the same thing she did earlier. He kissed the sensitive on her neck, and when she moaned, Saeran almost lost it. His hands cupped her cheeks, hers roamed on his back, before pulling him closer to hers. Saeran knew they had to stop, so he broke the kiss, knowing that they both needed air and at the same time he’s at his limit, any more and he would take her and make her his.

Seeing how her swollen her lips are from the kiss they both shared made Saeran feel contended. He rested his head on the crook of her neck, the same spot where he left his mark. His fingers brushed against the mark she first left earlier.

“I should be the one thanking you,” he said, finally resting his head on her chest as she played with his hair.

They slept soundly that night, feeling safe in each others’ arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are almost at the ending! I hope to wrap this up in six more chapters. Thank you to everyone who supported me by reading this. As always, feedbacks are greatly appreciated!


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